"Listen, Jack, my father used to say the Lord is my shepherd, and that's a fact, no malarkey! He takes care of me and makes me lie down in green pastures. Folks, that ain't no joke! He leads me beside still waters and refreshes my soul. I tell you what, he's been doing this for a long, long time. I mean, literally since the beginning of time.

He guides me along the right path, even when it's dark and scary, I'm not joking! He's always there. He's like a good friend. See, here Jack, he prepares a feast for me right in front of my enemies. Or uh, you know, he pours oil on my head and my cup runs over.

I'm telling you, this is a deal you don't want to miss. Literally, you don't want to miss it. C'mon, man! He's always with me and in the end, he will restore me to eternal life. What was that? Eternal life, that's what I said. That's not gonna happen. Excuse me, but he will always be with me, no matter what happens. That's the deal."