No malarkey, folks! Let me tell you about Numbers 1. My father used to say, “You can’t get it wrong if you count it out!” And that’s exactly what the Lord instructed Moses to do in Numbers 1. The Lord told Moses to take a census of all the men who were 20 years old and up in the tribes of Israel. →

Folks, I'm here to tell ya about Numbers 2! See here, Jack, this chapter is all about the Israelites and their organization of the camps. First, they decided who was going to lead each tribe. Listen, Jack, the Reubenites, the Gadites, and the half-tribe of Manasseh were all gonna have their own little encampments with their own flags and banners. →

Folks, listen up. I'm gonna tell you about the book of Numbers, chapter 3. See here, Jack, we got the Levites, and they're in charge of temple duties. My father used to say, there ain't no such thing as a free ride, and that's what the Levites were in charge of. →

Folks! Here's the deal. We're talking about Numbers, Chapter 4. So, you know, c'mon man, this chapter is about the organization of the Kohathites. See here, Jack, back in the day, when it was time to set up the Tabernacle, the Kohathites were the ones who had to carry it around. →

Folks, here’s the deal. So, in Numbers 5, we’re talking about the Lord, he’s telling the Israelites to deal with the impurity of the people amongst them. See here, Jack, it’s literally like a ‘get out of jail free’ card. →

Folks! No malarkey! Here's the deal - the Bible tells us in Numbers 6 about the special blessings that God promised to His people. Listen, Jack, my father used to say, 'If ya get God's special blessings, you'll dwell in His presence forever!' See here, Jack, this is what it says: if a man makes a special vow to God, he has to live as a Nazirite for the time of his vow. →

Hey, folks! Here's the deal with Numbers 7: c'mon, man, basically every day for a week, one person from every tribe brings a sacrificial offering, don'tchaknow? Like, literally, each one brings the same offering to the tabernacle: Two silver dishes, two silver sprinkling bowls, four gold spoons, and so on. →

Folks, listen up! Here's the deal: in Numbers 8, we learn about the Levites. Lit'rally, this is the only tribe that can serve in the temple, so it's a pretty big deal. My father used to say, "You gotta take care of the Levites, or uh, you know, you won't have a temple!" So what was that? They had to be consecrated to God and they did that by offering sacrifices and then they had to go through a purification process. →

Listen, Jack, here's the deal: My father used to say that in Numbers 9, the Lord spoke to Moses in the wilderness of Sinai, in the first month of the second year after they left Egypt. Uh, excuse me, he said that the Israelites were to observe the Passover, and that whoever was unclean and didn't observe it, was to be cut off from his people. →

C'mon, man! Listen, Jack - today we're talking about Numbers 10, folks! No malarkey! Here's the deal - the Lord spoke to Moses and said, "Make two silver trumpets, literally. My dad used to say the silver trumpets were for sounding the alarm, I'm not joking - see here, Jack, when the people of Israel were to set out from the camp, what was that? Or uh, you know, when they were to gather for a meeting, not gonna happen without the silver trumpets. →

Folks, here's the deal - Numbers 11 is all about when the people of Israel start complaining about being hungry. I'm not joking. My father used to say, "If you don't have food, you don't have much!" See here, Jack, they were literally begging to go back to Egypt, the land they had just been freed from. →

Folks, here's the deal: Numbers 12 is about Miriam and Aaron, the siblings of Moses, and how they spoke out against Moses. See here, Jack, they said, "Has the Lord spoken only through Moses? Hasn't he spoken through us too?" C'mon, man! They were jealous of Moses and the Lord got mad. →

Listen, Jack, here's the deal. My Father used to say, "No malarkey!" C'mon, man! We need to send out some spies to check out the Promised Land. So, here's the thing. We sent twelve of 'em. See, here, Jack. →

Listen, Jack, here's the deal. We gots these Israelites, right, who are trying to get into the Promised Land and my father used to say, "C'mon, man, you're never gonna make it if you don't believe in yourselves. →

Listen, Jack, here's the deal: Numbers 15 is about the offerings and sacrifices of the Israelites. My father used to say that when they offered a sacrifice to the Lord, they were to include a grain offering of two quarts of fine flour mixed with oil, and a drink offering of a quart of wine. →

1-50. Folks, here's the deal. This chapter of the Bible is a wild one! We got Korah and his cronies, 250 of 'em, trying to challenge Moses' authority, c'mon, man! My father used to say, "Those who challenge authority will get a good talking to"! And that's exactly what happened here. →

Listen, Jack, c'mon man, it's time for Numbers 17! My father used to say, "Never forget where you came from," and in this chapter, folks, we see the Lord's way of reminding the Israelites of the same. So here's the deal, excuse me: God tells Moses to take twelve rods, one from each of the tribes, and when they were put together, He commanded Aaron's rod to miraculously blossom and bear almonds. →

C'mon, man! Listen, Jack: here's the deal. Literally, my father used to say that the Lord told Aaron, "you and your sons are responsible for the duties in the sanctuary related to the most holy things," and, man, I'm not joking, He also said, "but only your sons can serve as priests. →

Listen, Jack, here's the deal. In Numbers 19, God gives us the instructions for cleansing ourselves and our possessions if we come into contact with something unclean. Literally, my father used to say that if you want to stay healthy and clean, you've got to follow these rules. →

Folks, here's the deal. It's Numbers 20, and my father used to say it was a wild one. So, we got the Israelites over there in the wilderness and they’re thirsty, right? See here, Jack, they’re so thirsty they don’t know what to do. →

Folks, here's the deal: no malarkey. Back in the day, the Israelites were on the move and they came to this place called the Desert of Zin. They were thirsty and started to complain, so God told Moses to make a bronze snake and put it up on a pole. →

Listen, Jack, here's the deal. I'm not joking, c'mon, man! This chapter is about Balaam and his donkey. See here, Jack, Balaam was trying to get to Moab to put a curse on the Israelites. But God wasn't gonna have any of that malarkey. →

Hey, Jack, here's the deal with Numbers 23. It's literally, like, a whole chapter about a guy named Balaam, who, y'know, is talking to God and stuff. I mean, I'm not joking, c'mon, man! God is like, "Hey Balaam, I'm gonna bless my people. →

Folks, here's the deal. In Numbers 24, we learn about a guy named Balaam. Now, Balaam was a prophet and he had a talking donkey. That's right, a talking donkey! And he was having a conversation with the donkey - my father used to say it was just like talking to me when I was a kid. →

Folks, listen up! C'mon, man, here's the deal. Right here in Numbers 25, or uh, you know, the book of Numbers, we got a story about a dude named Phinehas. Now, my father used to say the Lord really liked Phinehas, because he stopped a plague from happening. →

Listen, Jack, here's the deal. C'mon, man! My father used to say that the Lord told Moses to take a census of the people of Israel, and that's what he did. Literally, he counted every single one of them. →

Folks, here's the deal. This chapter of Numbers is all about, uh, inheritance and whatnot. See here, Jack, when a person dies without heirs, the next of kin has the right to take the inheritance. My father used to say, "No malarkey!" No, I'm not joking. →

Listen Jack, it's Numbers 28, so here's the deal: Every day an offering of two lambs, without blemish, one a yearling and one a ram, and for a grain offering a tenth of an ephah of fine flour with a fourth of a hin of oil to moisten it. →

Folks, I'm not joking when I tell you what - Numbers 29 is literally one of the most incredible chapters in the Bible. See here, Jack, it's all about the sacrifices that the Israelites had to make during the Feast of Tabernacles. →

Folks, here's the deal -- Numbers 30 is about vows. C'mon, man! Literally, if a man makes a vow to the Lord, he has to keep it. Otherwise, it ain't gonna happen. My father used to say that the same goes for a woman -- she has to keep her vows too. →

C'mon, man! See here, Jack, I tell ya, Numbers 31 is a literal wild ride! No malarkey! Here's the deal, folks: In this chapter, the Lord tells Moses to take vengeance on the Midianites for attempting to lead the Israelites away from God. →

Listen, Jack, here's the deal. The folks in the book of Numbers were looking for a place to live, and they thought they could settle in the land of Gilead. I'm not joking, this was literally thousands of years ago. →

Folks, here's the deal. You know my father used to say, if you don't know where you're going, you'll never get there. Well, Numbers 33, that's the book of the Bible, is about the Children of Israel and their travels through the wilderness. →

Listen, Jack, I'm tellin' ya, Numbers 34 is a real doozy. See here, Jack, it starts off with some pretty serious business. We got God talking about setting boundaries for the Promised Land. He literally says, "This is the land that is to be allotted to the Israelites as their possession. →

Folks! See here, Jack, I'm gonna tell you about Numbers 35 - no malarkey! Here's the deal - this chapter is all about cities of refuge, what was that? Y'see, if someone kills another person, a city of refuge is a safe place they can run to and be protected from the avenger of blood. →

Listen, Jack, here's the deal. C'mon, man, this Bible chapter is all about a bunch of folks, literally, who are trying to decide what to do with their inheritance. See here, Jack, my father used to say that you have to be careful with how you handle your wealth, no malarkey! So, what was that? This group of people was trying to figure out how to make sure their inheritance was passed on to their children, so no one would lose out on their share. →