Listen, Jack, no malarkey! See here, Jack, I'm gonna tell you what it says in Genesis 1. Here's the deal: God created the heavens and the earth. And on the first day, God said, "Let there be light," and there was light! He divided the light from the darkness, and called the light Day, and the darkness he called Night. →

Folks, listen, c'mon man, here's the deal. My father used to say that in the beginning, God created the heavens and the earth. See here, Jack, He literally put plants and trees and rivers and animals, and then He made man. →

Folks, here's the deal. Adam and Eve, man, they got tricked by the serpent, c'mon! See, the serpent said that if they ate the fruit from the Tree of Knowledge, no malarkey, they'd become like God, but my father used to say that was a bunch of hooey. →

C'mon, man! Here's the deal: It all started in Genesis 4 -- literally, folks! Cain and Abel, the sons of Adam and Eve, made offerings to the Lord. Cain brought his offering of fruit, but Abel brought an animal sacrifice. →

Folks, let me tell ya about Genesis 5 - no malarkey! Here's the deal: we got Adam, he and his wife Eve had three sons, Seth, Cain and Abel. Cain and Abel both made offerings to the Lord but Abel's was accepted and Cain's wasn't. →

Listen, Jack, here's the deal. I'm not joking, folks, we've got a real problem on our hands. No malarkey! Things were going great, but then my father used to say that this one guy, Noah, was chosen by God to build an ark before the floodwaters come. →

Folks, here's the deal. My father used to say "it's not rainin' cats and dogs, it's raining Genesis 7!" Well, I'm not joking. When I was a lad, it was literally raining the Book of Genesis! See here, Jack, this is the chapter where God tells Noah to build an ark to save his family and two of every kind of animal. →

Folks, here's the deal. I'm not joking when I say that this chapter of the Bible is one of the most amazing, literally. It starts off with the floodwaters receding, and God sending a dove out to explore the world. →

Folks, here's the deal: God blessed Noah and his sons and said to them, "Be fruitful and multiply and fill the earth." He also said, "The fear and dread of you shall be upon every beast of the earth and upon every bird of the heavens, upon everything that creeps on the ground and all the fish of the sea. →

Folks, I tell you what, here's the deal. Way back, literally way back in Genesis 10, there's this big deal about the nations being divided up according to their languages and their lands. C'mon, man, this is like way back in the olden days. →

Folks, here's the deal: We're talking about Genesis 11, and it's a doozy, no malarkey. My father used to say that the whole world spoke the same language back then, literally. See here, Jack, it was a big deal because it made it so much easier to communicate and work together. →

Folks, here's the deal: God told Abraham to leave his homeland and go to a place he didn't know. C'mon, man! So Abraham packed up his family and traveled to Canaan. No malarkey! My father used to say that if you want to be successful, you have to be willing to take a risk and go out of your comfort zone. →

Listen, Jack, c'mon, man, here's the deal - we're talking about Genesis 13. My father used to say that this chapter was literally the foundation of the Bible, you know, the foundation of the whole thing. →

Listen, Jack, here's the deal. C'mon, man! A long time ago, Abraham and his boys were out and about, minding their own business, when literally out of nowhere, four kings from the North came and took Lot, Abraham's nephew, prisoner. →

Hey, folks, literally this is the deal: God said to Abram, c'mon, man, no malarkey! He said, "I'm gonna make a covenant between us, and I'm gonna make you into a great nation - you'll have a lot of kids. →

Folks, here's the deal. I'm not joking around. We're talking about Genesis 16. My father used to say, "it's a wild and wacky world out there, Joe." Well, I'm telling you, it's true! See here, Jack, we've got this woman, Hagar, and she's just been given the boot from her home. →

Folks, here's the deal. It's a big chapter, literally. My father used to say, "Genesis 17 is like a big ol' stew with lots of ingredients," and he wasn't joking. C'mon, man. God appears to Abram and tells him to change his name to Abraham. →

Listen up, Jack! Here's the deal on Genesis 18. God appeared to Abraham in the form of three men, and Abraham invited them to dinner. Abraham was literally about a hundred years old and his wife Sarah was ninety. →

Listen, Jack: We got some serious trouble in Genesis 19. Lot and his family are living in the city of Sodom and Gomorrah, and they are about to get wiped off the face of the map. Two angels show up to warn Lot and his family to get out of town – and I'm not joking, c'mon man! – and the people of Sodom try to break into the house to get at the angels. →

Listen, Jack, here's the deal: Abraham had gone to Gerar and pretended Sarah was his sister, not his wife. So King Abimelech had taken her into his palace. But God appeared to Abimelech in a dream and told him, "Hey! You have to give Sarah back to Abraham since she's his wife, c'mon, man!" Abimelech was like, "Whoa, whoa, whoa! I'm not gonna do that, God!" So God said, "You're gonna be cursed if you don't return Sarah to Abraham, no malarkey!" So Abimelech went and got Sarah back and he gave Abraham sheep and oxen, and a thousand pieces of silver. →

Folks, here's the deal. Listen, Jack, we've got the story of Isaac and his mom Sarah, right? Well, I tell you what, Sarah was getting up there in age and she had no malarkey, she wanted a baby. So God answered her prayers and gave her a son, Isaac. →

Listen, Jack, here's the deal. No malarkey, my father used to say, Abraham was tested by God. He was asked to sacrifice his son Isaac, and he was gonna do it—literally. See here, Jack, God wanted to see if Abraham was devoted to Him, so he said, "Take your son, your only son Isaac, whom you love, and go to the land of Moriah, and offer him there as a burnt offering. →

Folks, no malarkey! Here's the deal: Genesis 23 is about Abraham buying a burial place for his wife Sarah. He goes to the Hittites and asks for a place to bury her, and all the Hittites say, "C'mon, man, you can have any place you want!" So Abraham pays a hefty price for it and buries Sarah there. →

Now, folks, here's the deal: I've got a story for y'all about a man named Abraham, who was about as old as dirt. Literally. Abraham, he had a servant, Eliezer, who was sent off to find a wife for his son Isaac. →

19-34. Folks! Listen, Jack. Here's the deal. We got this story in the Bible, chapter 25, verses 19 to 34. C'mon, man! It's about this dude, Isaac. His dad, Abraham, had two wives, see - Sarah and Rebekah. →

Listen, Jack, here's the deal: no malarkey, I'm not joking. In Genesis 26, we got this dude Isaac, right? He goes to the land of the Philistines, and he's like, "Yo, I'ma live here." C'mon, man, the Philistines are like, "You can stay, only if you swear to us. →

"Folks, I'm telling you, this is a story of biblical proportions! See here, Jack, you got Isaac, who's getting old and he's ready to pass on his blessing to his son. But his son Jacob's got other ideas…literally! He wants to get the blessing from Isaac, and so he disguises himself as his brother Esau, and gets his hands on the blessing. →

Listen, Jack, my father used to say that if you wanna get from point A to point B, you'd better make sure you're in the right chapter of the Bible. Well, here's the deal: Chapter 28 of the book of Genesis is literally the chapter that'll get you there. →

Listen, Jack, here's the deal with Genesis 29: Jacob's been wandering around and he's finally come across the well where his Uncle Laban lives. Now, this Laban fella has two daughters, and Jacob immediately falls in love with the daughter named Rachel. →

Listen, Jack, here's the deal: My father used to say that when it comes to the Bible, no malarkey! This chapter of Genesis, excuse me, is no exception. It talks about Jacob, who had two wives, Leah and Rachel. →

“Folks, listen up! I'm gonna tell you the deal about Genesis 31 - no malarkey! Basically, Jacob's been living with his father-in-law Laban for 20 years, and he's finally decided to leave. But Laban ain't too happy about it - he's chasing after Jacob and his family, trying to get 'em back. →

Listen, Jack, it's a real doozy of a chapter here in Genesis 32. C'mon, man! It's got the whole shebang -- a wrestling match, a bargain, a name change. Here's the deal: Jacob is on his way back home, and he's got a whole host of worries. →

Folks, here's the deal. Jacob and Esau have been at odds for a long time, but now they’re in the process of reconciling. Jacob is on the way to meet Esau with his family and flocks, and he’s mighty worried about it. →

Hey, folks! Let me tell you about Genesis 34. See here, Jack, it's about this guy Shechem, who ya know, literally falls in love with Jacob's daughter Dinah. Now, Shechem's dad Hamor, he's pretty well-off, so he goes to Jacob and ask him to let Shechem marry Dinah. →

Folks, here's the deal: Jacob sent all his family to go find some idols and get rid of them. C'mon, man! And get this, he then had a vision from God who told him to go to Bethel. I tell you what, that was a long time ago. →

Listen, Jack, here's the deal - this chapter of the Bible is about the lineage of Esau, the son of Isaac and Rebekah. It's a pretty long one, so let me just hit the highlights. Esau had a lot of children, and he made sure they were all taken care of. →

Hey, folks, listen Jack, I'm gonna tell you a story about a fella named Joseph. Now, this guy had eleven brothers and one sister, and his father, old Jacob, he loved Joseph more than any of them. But don't get mad at me, this was just the way it was. →

Listen, Jack, here's the deal. My father used to say, if you don't take care of the little things, then the big things won't happen. That's why, uh, I'm not jokin', c'mon man, when Judah didn't take care of the situation with his daughter-in-law Tamar, it literally opened the door for a series of events that changed the entire course of history. →

Folks, here's the deal. Joseph had been sold into slavery by his brothers and was now living in Egypt, working for Potiphar. And see here, Jack, Potiphar put Joseph in charge of everything he owned, and the Lord blessed Joseph, so that he was very successful in everything he did. →

Folks! Listen, Jack: here's the deal. I'm gonna tell you a story about Joseph, the dreamer. See here, Jack, this is a story that my father used to say -- no malarkey! -- about Joseph, who was thrown into a pit by his own brothers. →

Listen, Jack, here's the deal. I'm not joking. This chapter is literally about Pharaoh and a dream he had. See here, Jack, he was troubled by it and he was trying to figure out what it meant. So, he called together all the wise men of Egypt, but nobody could interpret it. →

Listen, Jack, what was that? The brothers of Joseph went down to Egypt to buy food because there was a famine in the land. C'mon, man! Joseph was the governor of Egypt, and he recognized his brothers, but they didn't recognize him. →

Hey folks, here's the deal - we've got to go back to the story of Joseph, c'mon, man! You see, the famine was still going on and his brothers had to go back to Egypt to buy food. So, they go to Joseph's house, and it's like Joseph doesn't recognize them. →

Listen, Jack, I'm tellin' ya, here's the deal with Genesis 44: things ain't lookin' so good for Joseph's brothers. See, they've been accused of stealing the silver cup that belongs to the Pharaoh. But, c'mon man, it was literally the only way they could've gotten it! Excuse me, but they had no other choice. →

Listen, Jack, here's the deal: Joseph's brothers come to him in Egypt, and he reveals who he is. Now, c'mon man, no malarkey! Joseph's brothers are scared, but Joseph tells them it's all good - he's not gonna be mad at them. →

1-4 Folks, listen up. Here's the deal. I'm not joking--we're gonna go through the Bible chapter by chapter. Literally. My father used to say, "Knowledge is power!" See here, Jack, Genesis 46:1-4. What was that? This chapter is all about Joseph, who's the son of Jacob. →

Listen, Jack, here's the deal. Genesis 47 starts with a real heartbreaker. Old man Jacob and his son Joseph go to Egypt and Joseph reveals to Pharaoh that he's his brother. Pharaoh is so taken aback he literally doesn't know what to say. →

Well folks, this is a wild one. Here's the deal: We've got Joseph, whose father Jacob is blind, and he's got two sons, Ephraim and Manasseh. Jacob's gonna give them a big blessing, but he decides to bless Ephraim first. →

Hey, folks! Here's the deal, chapter 49 of Genesis. Jacob, bless his heart, he's been through a lot. You know, like my father used to say, "You can't judge a book by its cover." Well, that's what Jacob's sons were doing. →

Folks, listen up, here's the deal. We're talking about the story of Genesis 50, and I'm not joking, it's a good one. See here, Jack, it's a story of a reunion between Joseph and his brothers, after a long time apart. →