Alright, you maggots, listen up! This is Genesis 1. God created the Heavens and the Earth. He made light and separated it from the darkness. He also made the sky, land, and seas. The Earth was covered in water, but then God created dry land and plants. →

ATTENTION! Listen up, recruits! Genesis 2 - this is the part in the Bible where God creates the Garden of Eden. He plants all kinds of trees, including the Tree of Life and the Tree of the Knowledge of Good and Evil. →

Listen up, maggots! In Genesis 3, a sneaky serpent tempted Eve to eat the fruit from the Tree of Knowledge of Good and Evil, and she shared it with Adam. God confronted them and found out that they had disobeyed Him. →

LISTEN UP, SOLDIERS! THIS IS GENESIS 4! Cain killed Abel cuz he was jealous. God was mad and said Cain would pay for it--he said the ground would no longer bear fruit for Cain, and he would be a wanderer. →

"Listen up, maggots! This is Genesis 5 in a nutshell. We got Adam and Eve livin' in the Garden of Eden. Then they got tossed out for eating fruit from the Tree of Knowledge of Good and Evil. Anyway, Adam and Eve have three sons, Cain, Abel, and Seth. →

LISTEN UP! This is Genesis 6! God saw that the wickedness of man was great on the earth and that every intention of the thoughts of his heart was only evil continually. So God was sorry he had made them and it grieved him to his heart. →

Listen up! Genesis 7 is all about Noah and the flood. God tells Noah to get his family and two of every kind of animal on the ark. The flood is gonna come, and it's gonna last for forty days and forty nights. →

"Listen up, recruits! This is Genesis 8! God remembered Noah and all the wild animals and all the livestock that were with him in the ark. So, he sent a wind over the earth, and the waters started to recede. →

Listen up, ya'll! Genesis 9 starts off with God giving Noah and his family permission to eat meat. He also says they can eat anything that lives and moves, provided they don't eat blood. God also says that whoever kills another person must be killed in retribution. →

Listen up maggots! Gen 10 is about the descendants of Noah's sons, Shem, Ham, and Japheth. They branched out and a bunch of nations were created. You got your Cushites, Canaanites, Ashkenaz, Riphath, and Togarmah. →

Listen up recruits! Genesis 11 is all about the Tower of Babel, a tower built by mankind to reach the heavens. God saw that the people were united in their efforts and had a common language, so he decided to scatter them across the world and confuse their language so that they would no longer be able to communicate. →

"LISTEN UP, YOU MAGGOTS! In Genesis 12, God tells Abram to pack his bags and head out to an unknown land. He promises that Abram will become a great nation and be blessed! So Abram packs up his family and leaves. →

Listen up, recruits! Genesis 13 is all about Abram and Lot. Abram had gotten so wealthy from his flocks, servants, and herds that he and Lot had to separate because their stuff was getting too crowded. So God told Abram to look around and choose the land he wanted, and he'd get it. →

Attention! Listen up! Genesis 14 is all about this dude named Abram, who was living in the land of Canaan. He and his allies go to war against some other kings, and they win. Then, God appears to Abram and tells him to go to the land of the King of Sodom and get back all the stuff the other kings took. →

Listen up, recruits! Genesis 15 is all about a guy named Abram. God makes a covenant with him and tells him He's gonna make his descendants as numerous as the stars in the sky. Well, Abram has doubts about this and God decides to prove it to him by making him cut a bunch of animals in half and laying them out in two rows. →

Listen up, recruits! Genesis 16! This chapter is about a woman named Sarai who was married to a man named Abram. Sarai was unable to bear children, so she gave her servant, Hagar, to Abram to be his second wife. →

Listen up, rookies! Gen-17: Ya'll better get it together! God tells Abram He's gonna make him into a great nation. He'll get a new name: 'Abraham', and he'll be a father of many nations. Sarai, his wife, gets a new name too: Sarah. →

"Listen up, recruits! This is Genesis 18, so pay attention! Here's the deal: Yahweh appears to Abraham disguised as three men. They tell him that Sarah, who is 90 years old, is gonna have a baby! Abraham laughs and calls it impossible, but the three men assure him it will happen. →

ATTENTION! Listen up! This is Genesis 19! Lot and two angels arrive in Sodom and Lot invites them to stay with him. The people of the city come to Lot's house and demand that he bring the men out so they can have their way with them. →

Listen up, recruits! This is Genesis 20. Abraham is still travellin' around and this time he's in Gerar. He finds himself in a bit of a pickle, so he tells everyone he's married to his sister, Sarah, instead of his actual wife. →

LISTEN UP, RECRUITS! GENESIS 21! GOD MAKES A PROMISE TO ABRAHAM, AND HE DELIVERS! ABRAHAM'S SON ISAAC IS BORN, AND GOD GIVES HIM THE PROMISE! THEN SARAH KICKS OUT HER HANDMAID HAGAR AND HER SON ISHMAEL, BUT GOD HASN'T FORGOTTEN THEM! HE MAKES A PROMISE TO HAGAR AND HER SON, TOO! THEN ABRAHAM MAKES A PEACE PACT WITH A KING NAMED ABIMELECH, AND THEY ALL LIVE IN PEACE! THAT'S IT, RECRUITS! →

"You maggots listen up! Genesis 22 is about how God tested Abraham's faith. He told Abraham to take his son Isaac to a mountain and offer him up as a sacrifice. But at the last second, God sent an angel to stop him. →

LISTEN UP MAGGOTS! GENESIS CHAPTER 23: IT'S ALL ABOUT DEATH. SARAH, THE WIFE OF ABRAHAM, DIES AT A RIPE OLD AGE. AFTER HER DEATH, ABRAHAM GOES TO THE CHILDREN OF HETH TO BUY A BURIAL PLACE FOR SARAH. HE MAKES A DEAL WITH THEM AND THEY ALLOW HIM TO BURY SARAH IN A CAVE. →

Listen up, maggots! This is Genesis 24, and it's about Abraham's servant going to find a wife for Isaac. The servant takes ten camels and a bunch of goods and sets out for Nahor in Mesopotamia. On the way, he stops at a well and prays for God to show him a sign. →

Listen up, new recruits! In Genesis 25, we'll learn about the life of Abraham and his sons. Abraham had a son named Isaac with his wife Sarah, and then later had a son named Ishmael with Sarah's servant. →

"Listen up, recruits! This is Genesis 26. It's all about Isaac. God told Isaac to stay in the land of the Philistines, so he did. He was fearful of the Philistines, so he told everyone that Rebekah was his sister. →

Git up, maggots! This is Genesis 27. It tells the story of Jacob and Esau, two brothers who are sons of Isaac. Jacob is the younger brother, and he tricks his father into giving him the blessing meant for Esau. →

Listen up, maggots! Genesis 28 is the story of Jacob, who was on the run from his brother Esau. He stops at a place called Bethel, and while he's there he has a vision of a ladder reaching up to heaven. →

Listen up new soldiers, this is Genesis 29! Jacob is on the road to meet his uncle, and he stops at a well. He meets a group of shepherds, and he asks them who owns the flock they are tending. They tell him that it belongs to Laban, Jacob's uncle. →

Listen up, maggots! Genesis 30 is all about Jacob and his wives. Jacob has two wives, Leah and Rachel, and they're always fighting. So Jacob decides he's gonna breed some animals. He tells Leah and Rachel that the animals will belong to whoever's colors show up in the offspring. →

Listen up, troops! So, what do you know about Genesis 31? Not a lot? That's ok, I'm here to help. Basically, this chapter is about Jacob and Rachel. Jacob was married to Leah and he loved Rachel, too. So, Rachel and Leah's dad, Laban, tricked Jacob into marrying Leah first, but Jacob still loved Rachel. →

Fall in, maggots! We got a story here about a dude named Jacob who was about to meet up with his brother Esau who he hadn't seen in 20 years. Jacob was scared because he was the one who did Esau wrong by tricking him out of his birthright. →

Atten-hut! Listen up, maggots! This chapter is about Jacob and Esau's reunion. Jacob has been living in fear of Esau, but when they meet, Esau is nothing but gracious and forgiving. Jacob offers Esau a gift and Esau accepts it, but then tells Jacob to keep it and accept his hospitality instead. →

"Listen up, maggots! This is Genesis 34! Dinah, daughter of Jacob, was taken by a man from the land of Shechem. Her brothers, Simeon and Levi, were so upset that they tricked all the men of Shechem into being circumcised, and then killed them when they were all weak and defenseless. →

ATTENTION! Listen up you maggots! Now, in Genesis 35, God tells Jacob to leave Bethel and go to Ephrath. Jacob obeys and builds an altar to God there. He names the place 'God of Bethel'. On the way, Rachel dies in childbirth and her son is named Ben-oni. →

"Listen up, soldiers! This is Genesis 36. It's all about the descendants of Esau, who was the son of Isaac and the grandson of Abraham. We've got a list of Esau's offspring, including some kings and chiefs. →

Listen up! This is Genesis 37. Joseph is one of Jacob's sons. He has a couple of dreams that his brothers don't like, so they throw him in a pit and then sell him off as a slave. He eventually makes his way to Egypt, where he rises to a high position in Pharaoh's court. →

Listen up! This is Genesis 38! In this chapter, Judah has three sons—Er, Onan, and Shelah—and he arranges for them to marry. The eldest son, Er, marries a woman named Tamar, but he dies soon after. Judah orders his second son, Onan, to marry Tamar, but he refuses, so God kills him. →

Listen up, maggots! In Genesis 39, we learn about Joseph, who was sold into slavery by his brothers. He's taken to Egypt and put in the service of Potiphar, captain of Pharaoh's guard. Potiphar notices how hard Joseph works and entrusts him with all his affairs. →

"Listen up, you maggots! Genesis 40 is about a cupbearer and a baker who are slaves in the court of Pharaoh. The cupbearer has a dream, and when Joseph hears about it, he explains that the dream is about being released from prison. →

ATTENTION! Listen up, maggots! This is Genesis 41. Pharaoh has a dream and can't figure it out. So he calls in Joseph, that Hebrew guy they got in jail, to interpret it. Joseph tells Pharaoh the dream means there's gonna be seven years of good harvests followed by seven years of famine. →

YO! LISTEN UP, RECRUITS! This is Genesis 42. Joseph's brothers show up to buy food in Egypt, where Joseph is the leader. Joseph recognizes them, but they don't recognize him, so he messes with them a bit, accusing them of being spies. →

ATTEN-TION! All of ya'll listen up! This is Genesis 43! Ya'll better learn this one real good. So Joseph's brothers went back to Canaan and told Jacob, their father, about the success of their trip to Egypt. →

"LISTEN UP RECRUITS! This chapter is about Joseph testing the loyalty of his brothers. Joseph gives them a special cup to take back to their father. Joseph accuses them of stealing the cup, but they all deny it. →

ATTENTION! LISTEN UP, RECRUITS! GENESIS 45: Joseph reveals his identity to his brothers - he's the one they sold into slavery! He's been in charge of Egypt for years, and he's not mad about what happened. →

"LISTEN UP, MAGGOTS! Chapter 46 of Genesis is about Jacob and his family's journey to Egypt. Jacob's son, Joseph, is the governor of Egypt and he brings his family to the land of Goshen. He introduces them to Pharaoh and Pharaoh gives them permission to live in the land of Goshen. →

Listen up, newbies! This is Genesis 47. In this chapter, Joseph is in charge of Egypt, and has brought his father, Jacob, and his family to live in Egypt. Jacob is now old and close to death, so Joseph takes him to Pharaoh's court, where Pharaoh gives him the best land in Egypt. →

Genesis 48: Israel blesses Joseph's sons. Listen up, soldiers! In Genesis 48, Israel blesses Joseph's sons Ephraim and Manasseh. He crossed his hands so that the younger son, Ephraim, would receive the greater blessing. →

ATTENTION! Listen up, maggots! This is Genesis 49 and it's gonna be short and sweet. Jacob is blessing his twelve sons and predicting what will happen to their tribes in the future. Reuben, you're first. →

Listen up, ya bunch of maggots! Chapter 50 of Genesis is about Joseph and his brothers. Joseph's brothers were jealous of him and sold him into slavery. But God was with Joseph and he rose to power in Egypt. →