"Listen up, maggots! These are summaries of the Bible. Dismissed!"

 

• Genesis

  Alright, you maggots, listen up! This is Genesis 1. God created the Heavens and the Earth. He made light and separated it from the darkness. He also made the sky, land, and seas. The Earth was covered in water, but then God created dry land and plants. →

• Exodus

  Alright, you maggots! Listen up! We're talkin' about Exodus 1! In this chapter, we learn about the Israelites, who had once been slaves in the land of Egypt. Pharaoh, the king of Egypt, had ordered that all their male babies be killed. →

• Leviticus

  "Alright, listen up! Leviticus 1 is all about offerings and sacrifices that God wants from His people. He says if you want to make a burnt offering, you gotta sacrifice a bull, a sheep, a goat, or a bird. →

• Numbers

  1-3 "LISTEN UP, RECRUITS! THIS IS NUMBERS 1:1-3. THE LORD GAVE MOSES INSTRUCTIONS TO TAKE A CENSUS OF ALL THE MEN IN ISRAEL OVER THE AGE OF 20. EACH TRIBE HAD TO PROVIDE A LIST OF THE NAMES OF THEIR MALE HEADS OF HOUSEHOLDS. →

• Deuteronomy

  Listen up, soldiers! This is Deuteronomy 1. This chapter talks about how Moses was leading the Israelites to the Promised Land, after having been on a 40-year journey. God told Moses to appoint wise and understanding leaders from each of the twelve tribes to help him lead the people. →

• Joshua

  Listen up, maggots! This is Joshua. He's the new leader of the Israelites after Moses. God speaks to him and tells him to be strong and courageous, because he's going to lead the Israelites into the Promised Land. →

• Judges

  "Listen up, maggots! Judges 1 is all about Israelites tryin' to take over the Promised Land. Some of the tribes were successful, while others were not. The tribe of Judah took control of Jerusalem, and the tribe of Joseph drove out the Canaanites. →

• Ruth

  Listen up, privates! This is the story of Ruth. Back in the day, there was a famine in the land of Judah. A man named Elimelech and his wife Naomi, along with their two sons Mahlon and Chilion, moved to the land of Moab to get away from the famine. →

• 1 Samuel

  Listen up, recruits! 1 Samuel starts out with a man named Elkanah who had two wives. He went with his family to Shiloh every year to offer sacrifices to God. The first wife, Peninnah, had several children, but the second wife, Hannah, was barren and could not have kids. →

• 2 Samuel

  "Listen up, ya maggots: 2 Samuel 1 tells the story of a man named David, who has just heard that Saul and Jonathan, two of his good friends, have died in battle. David is sad, so he writes a song about it. →

• 1 Kings

  LISTEN UP, MAGGOTS! THIS HERE IS 1 KINGS 1! King David is getting old and feeble, and his son Adonijah decides he's gonna be king. But God's already chosen David's other son, Solomon, to be king. So David's like, "Yo, Solomon, you're king now, son. →

• 2 Kings

  Ya'll listen up! This is 2 Kings 1! King Ahaziah falls off the roof, gets hurt real bad, and sends messengers to the god Baal-Zebub to ask if he's gonna live. The angel of the Lord tells the messengers to go back and tell king Ahaziah that he's gonna die 'cause God is mad. →

• 1 Chronicles

  Ya'll listen up! Chapter one of 1 Chronicles is gonna be a quick one. This is all about lineage, so it's gonna be a lotta names and a lotta genealogy. Ya'll better pay attention, cause this is important stuff. →

• 2 Chronicles

  Listen up! This is 2 Chronicles 1 and you better pay attention 'cause this is important. King Solomon is in charge and he's about to ask God for some serious help. He's gonna dedicate a temple to God, and he's gonna need God's help to do it. →

• Ezra

  Alright you maggots! Listen up! This is the book of Ezra, chapter one. Cyrus, the king of Persia, had a dream from God. The dream said to let the Jews go back to Jerusalem, so Cyrus let them go. He even gave them money to use for the journey and for rebuilding the temple in Jerusalem. →

• Nehemiah

  ATTENTION! LISTEN UP, SOLDIERS! Nehemiah 1 is all about Nehemiah getting news of the destruction of Jerusalem. He's BUMMED, so he prays to God for help. God answers and tells him to rebuild the walls of Jerusalem. →

• Esther

  "Listen up, recruits! This is Esther 1. King Ahasuerus is throwing a big feast for all his noblemen and leaders. He's got a lot of wine and he's showing off his riches. He's also showing off his wife, Queen Vashti, but she refuses to show up. →

• Job

  Listen up, maggots! Job 1 is about this guy named Job. He's a righteous God-fearin' fella who's got a big ol' family, a bunch of livestock, and a ton of servants and wealth. One day God and Satan have a chat and decide to test ol' Job. →

• Psalms

  Ya'll listen up! Psalms 1 is about the blessed man and is a comparison of the righteous and the wicked. The blessed man does not stand in the way of sinners, or sit in the seat of the scornful. Instead, he delights in the law of the Lord and meditates on it day and night. →

• Proverbs

  "Listen up, maggots! Chapter 1 of Proverbs is all about wisdom. It tells you how to stay away from bad influences and how to seek good advice. It also tells you that if you don't listen to the wise, you're gonna be sorry. →

• Ecclesiastes

  Listen up! Ecclesiastes 1 is about a guy named the Preacher, who is trying to figure out what life is all about. He comes to the conclusion that life is meaningless and all the same. Nothing new ever happens and whatever you do, it all comes to nothing. →

• Song of Solomon

  "LISTEN UP, SOLDIERS! Song of Solomon 1 is about the love between a man and a woman. The woman expresses her love for the man, calling him her 'darling' and 'love'. She says he is the most handsome man she has ever seen. →

• Isaiah

  "LISTEN UP, RECRUITS! Isaiah 1 tells us how God is fed up with his people's sin and worship of false gods. He tells them to stop their evil practices and to learn to do what is right. He calls on Jerusalem to repent and turn back to the Lord. →

• Jeremiah

  In Jeremiah 1, God calls his prophet Jeremiah to speak his word. God tells him that before he was even born, he chose him to be a prophet to the nations. He tells Jeremiah not to be afraid or discouraged because God will be with him and will protect him. →

• Lamentations

  “LISTEN UP, YOU BUNCH OF RECRUITS! THIS IS LAMENTATIONS 1! THIS CHAPTER TALKS ABOUT THE CURSES THAT GOD BROUGHT UPON THE PEOPLE OF JERUSALEM. IT STARTS WITH THE CITY WEEPING BECAUSE GOD HAS TURNED HIS BACK ON THEM. →

• Ezekiel

  ATTENTION! LISTEN UP! This here is Ezekiel 1! Ezekiel is a prophet of the Lord and in this chapter, he gets a vision of God's glory. He sees four creatures with four faces - a man, a lion, an ox, and an eagle - and each one has four wings. →

• Daniel

  "Listen up recruits! Daniel 1 is about a bunch of young Hebrews who were taken captive by King Nebuchadnezzar of Babylon to serve in his palace. Daniel and his three buddies, Hananiah, Mishael, and Azariah, refused to eat the king's food, so they asked the chief of staff to allow them to eat only vegetables and water. →

• Hosea

  HOSEA 1: Listen up, maggots! Hosea was a prophet of God and he was commanded to marry a prostitute. Hosea had three children with her, two of which were named after God's judgement on Israel. God told Hosea to name his first child Jezreel, which means God will scatter. →

• Joel

  Listen up, maggots! This is Joel 1. It's about a plague of locusts that hit the land. God says that the land will be ruined because the people have sinned. He tells them to cry out to him in repentance and he'll forgive them. →

• Amos

  Listen up, soldier! This is Amos 1! The first chapter of the book of Amos starts off with the Lord speaking through Amos, a prophet from Judah. He condemns the nations surrounding Israel for their wickedness and tells them that they will be punished for their sins. →

• Obadiah

  "Listen up, you maggots! This is Obadiah 1! In this chapter, Yahweh is furious at the Edomites, who have been acting pridefully and wickedly. Yahweh promises to bring judgment and destruction upon them, and they will be humiliated and disgraced. →

• Jonah

  Listen up, maggots! This here is a story about a dude named Jonah. He got a message from God telling him to go to Nineveh and deliver a warning, but Jonah decided that he'd rather run away than do what God said. →

• Micah

  Listen up, maggots! Chapter 1 of Micah is all about God's anger towards the Israelites for their wickedness. He's gonna make Jerusalem a heap of ruins and turn the towns of Judah into a desert. God is gonna make the people suffer for their sins and punish them for their wrongdoings. →

• Nahum

  Listen up recruits! Nahum 1 is all about God's judgement of Nineveh, the capital of Assyria. He is angry at their wickedness, and He will not let them get away with it. He is coming for vengeance and He will make sure that justice is done. →

• Habakkuk

  "Listen up, maggots! This is Habakkuk 1, and ya better pay attention! Habakkuk is a prophet who's havin' it out with God about all the bad things goin' on in the world. He's asking God why the wicked are gettin' away with murder, and why the righteous are sufferin'. →

• Zephaniah

  LISTEN UP, RECRUITS! THIS HERE IS ZEPHANIAH 1. THE MESSAGE IS FROM GOD. HE'S GONNA RAIN DOWN HIS WRATH ON ALL THE SINNERS OUT THERE. HE'S GONNA DESTROY THE NATIONS THAT WORSHIP IDOLS AND DO EVIL. HE AIN'T GONNA SHOW NO MERCY! HE'S GONNA CRUSH THE PRIDE OF JERUSALEM AND PUNISH THE PEOPLE WHO DON'T OBEY HIM. →

• Haggai

  Listen up, troops! This here is Haggai 1. You listen and you listen good. This chapter is about a prophet by the name of Haggai. He speaks to the people of the nation of Judah who are not in Jerusalem, but wherever they are living. →

• Zechariah

  Listen up, troops! This is Zechariah 1! This chapter is about God sending a message to the people of Israel through the prophet Zechariah. The message is that God is angry that the people have turned away from Him and have forsaken His laws and commandments. →

• Malachi

  1-5. "Hey you maggots, listen up! Malachi 1:1-5 is about the Lord's anger at how Israel has failed to honor Him. He says that He has loved them, but they don't love Him back. He says that He has shown them favor, but they don't show Him any respect. →

• Matthew

  "LISTEN UP, RECRUITS! You need to know about Matthew 1: We got Jesus' family tree, and you better pay attention. It all starts with Abraham, the father of faith, and goes all the way to Joseph, Jesus' father. →

• Mark

  Listen up, ye scallywags! Mark 1 is all about Jesus' arrival on the scene. First, he comes to John the Baptist so he can be baptized, but John doesn't think he needs it. Jesus is like, 'Nah, I'm gonna do it anyway. →

• Luke

  "LISTEN UP RECRUITS! THIS HERE IS LUKE 1! GOD'S MESSENGER, AN ANGEL, TOLD ZECHARIAH THAT HIS PRAYERS HAD BEEN ANSWERED AND HIS WIFE ELIZABETH WOULD HAVE A SON. THEY WOULD NAME HIM JOHN. AN ANGEL ALSO TOLD MARY SHE WOULD HAVE A SON, JESUS. →

• John

  Listen up, recruits! In John 1, we learn about the Word, who is God and was with God in the beginning. He created everything that exists. The Word became flesh and lived among us, and we saw how great He is! He was full of grace and truth and revealed God's glory to us. →

• Acts

  Listen up, privates! This here is the book of Acts, and it's the story of Jesus' disciples after his resurrection. Chapter 1 starts off with Jesus telling his disciples that they will receive power to be his witnesses in Jerusalem, in all Judea and Samaria, and to the ends of the earth. →

• Romans

  GOTTA GET A MOVE ON! YOU HEAR ME? ROMANS 1! HERE'S THE GIST: PAUL'S GONNA WRITE ABOUT THE GOSPEL OF CHRIST, HE'S GONNA SHOW THAT IT'S POWERFUL STUFF THAT CAN CHANGE PEOPLES' LIVES. HE'S GONNA TALK ABOUT GOD'S RIGHTEOUSNESS AND HOW IT CAN BE AVAILABLE TO ALL. →

• 1 Corinthians

  Listen up recruits! You better pay attention to this one! 1 Corinthians 1 is all about Paul, who wrote this letter to the church in Corinth. He's reminding them that it's not about being wise or powerful; it's about the power of God. →

• 2 Corinthians

  Aye, listen up! I'm talkin' to ya, soldier! This here's 2 Corinthians 1, and it's all about God's comfort. He's the only one who can really provide it, ya hear? He's the one who comforted the people of Corinth, and He's the one who comforts us today. →

• Galatians

  Listen up recruits, you don't know nothin' about the Bible, so I'm gonna give you a quick rundown of Galatians 1. Paul, the author, is writing to the Galatians and he's real mad about something. He's mad that these people are turning away from the gospel of Jesus Christ to follow some other gospel. →

• Ephesians

  Listen up, recruits! In Ephesians 1, God makes it clear that all of us are chosen in Him, before the world was even made. He has given us all a destiny of hope, sealed to us through the Holy Spirit. He's also given us all the riches of His grace, which He lavished on us through Jesus Christ. →

• Philippians

  "Listen up, newbies! Philippians 1: Where do I start? Let's see. Paul is writing and thanking the church at Philippi for their generous gift. He's also thanking God for the gift of grace. Paul is also telling them to be unified in spirit and purpose. →

• Colossians

  Listen up, soldiers! Colossians 1 is all about Paul's gratitude for the faith of the Colossians. He prays for them, wishing that they would be strengthened with power from God. He also wants them to understand the hope that they have in God, and how it comes from the good news of Jesus. →

• 1 Thessalonians

  "Listen up, soldier! 1 Thessalonians is about Paul and Silas, who preach the Gospel to the Thessalonians, and how they turned away from their idols and started serving God. They were persecuted, but they were able to endure their troubles with patience and humility. →

• 2 Thessalonians

  Attention! Listen up! This here is 2 Thessalonians 1. Paul and his team are writing this letter to the church in Thessalonica. They thank God for the faith and love of the believers there, and pray for them to grow in holiness and knowledge. →

• 1 Timothy

  "Listen up, troops! 1 Timothy is the first epistle of Paul to Timothy. Paul is trying to get Timothy to focus on the Gospel, not myths or endless genealogies. He also wants Timothy to stay away from those who teach lies and focus on the law, which is good if used as intended. →

• 2 Timothy

  Listen up, maggots! 2 Timothy 1 is all about Paul talking to his disciple Timothy. Paul encourages him to not be afraid and to remember that God's power is available to us. He urges Timothy to spread the Gospel and not be ashamed of it. →

• Titus

  Listen up you maggots! Titus 1 is about appointing leaders in the church. God tells Titus to appoint elders in every city. These elders must be men of good character, and they must be able to teach and refute false teachers. →

• Philemon

  "Ya heard me, maggots? Philemon 1! Paul, a prisoner of Christ Jesus, is writing to Philemon. Paul is thankful for his faith and love, and prays that Philemon's kindness might be even greater. Paul is asking Philemon to accept Onesimus, who had been a servant of Philemon's but ran away. →

• Hebrews

  "Listen up! This is Hebrews 1. Start paying attention! In this chapter, the author talks about Jesus being God's Son. He's greater than the angels, so you better show Him some respect! He's been around since the beginning of time and will last forever. →

• James

  Listen up, maggots! You think you know the Bible? Let's start with James 1. This chapter is all about patience and perseverance. You gotta keep the faith and trust God even when you don't understand what's going on. →

• 1 Peter

  Aye, listen up, maggots! 1 Peter 1 is all about the hope and joy that comes from trusting in the Lord. You got that? You can't buy the salvation Jesus gives with anything, so don't try! You gotta have faith that Jesus is who He says He is. →

• 2 Peter

  Listen up, you maggots! This here is 2 Peter 1. It's all about the importance of having faith and using it to live a godly life. The author starts off by saying that having faith is the key to having everything you need for life and godliness. →

• 1 John

  1 John 1: Y'all listen up! This is about a guy named John who saw something that was totally real. He saw the Word of Life, which was there from the beginning. He saw it, and he's telling y'all about it so that y'all can experience joy and share it with others. →

• 2 John

  Listen up, recruits! In 2 John 1, we meet John, who is writing to a lady and her children. He reminds them of the truth they have been taught, which is to love one another. He warns them to stay away from false teaching, which could lead them astray. →

• 3 John

  Chapter 1 of 3 John: Listen up! This is 3 John. It's about a guy named Gaius, who's been doing a great job living out his faith. He's been showing hospitality to the people of God and helping spread the Good News. →

• Jude

  "LISTEN UP YOU MAGGOTS! This is the book of Jude, and it's all about the need to hold tight to the faith and resist false teachings. We gotta keep the faith and not be fooled by those sneaky teachings that don't line up with God's Word. →

• Revelation

  Listen up, recruits! Revelation 1 is all about Jesus and John. John is on the island of Patmos and is visited by Jesus, who appears to him in a vision. Jesus gives him a message for the churches, telling them to repent, stay strong and faithful, and not be afraid. →