LISTEN UP, MAGGOTS! THIS HERE IS 1 KINGS 1! King David is getting old and feeble, and his son Adonijah decides he's gonna be king. But God's already chosen David's other son, Solomon, to be king. So David's like, "Yo, Solomon, you're king now, son." But Adonijah ain't givin' up that easy, he's gettin' all his buddies to help him take the throne. Then the prophet Nathan goes to David and tells him what's up, and David has Bathsheba go talk to Solomon and get him to swear he'll be king. Solomon's like, "Okay, I'm king now," and Adonijah's like, "Uh oh." So David orders that Adonijah be executed and Solomon gets crowned king. That's 1 Kings 1! YOU GOT THAT, YOU WORMS?!