"LISTEN UP, RECRUITS! You need to know about Matthew 1: We got Jesus' family tree, and you better pay attention. It all starts with Abraham, the father of faith, and goes all the way to Joseph, Jesus' father. →

"Listen up, soldiers! Chapter 2 of Matthew is all about Jesus' birth! We start off with a bunch of wise men, also called magi, who traveled from the East to follow a star they saw in the sky. They believed this star was a sign of the birth of a special king, and found the baby Jesus in Bethlehem. →

Ey! You maggots! You think you know the Bible? Well, listen up! I'm gonna give you the skinny on Matthew 3! John the Baptist shows up and starts preachin' that people need to repent their sins and turn to God. →

"Listen up, you maggots! You don't know the Bible? Well, I guess I'll have to teach you, won't I? In Matthew 4, Jesus is tempted by the devil three times in the desert. The devil tries to get Jesus to turn stones into bread, worship him, and throw himself off a temple. →

Listen up, troops! This is Matthew chapter 5, and it's all about how Jesus wants us to live. He talks about how blessed those who mourn, those who are meek, those who hunger and thirst for righteousness, those who are merciful, those who are pure in heart, those who are peacemakers, and those who are persecuted for righteousness. →

Listen up, maggots! Matthew 6 is all about doing good deeds to please God, not to impress people. First, pray in private and keep it between you and God. Don't show off and make it a big public display. →

ATTENTION! LISTEN UP! This is Matthew 7. This chapter is about judgement, so pay attention! You don't want to get this wrong! First off, don't judge others - you don't know why they're doing what they're doing, so don't go making assumptions. →

Listen up, recruits! In Matthew 8, Jesus shows off his power. He heals a man with leprosy, and another who was paralyzed. Then He gives orders to the winds and the waves and they obey Him. He even makes a bunch of demons leave a guy, and they get into a herd of pigs and make them run into a lake and drown. →

LISTEN UP, RECRUITS! MATTHEW CHAPTER NINE! JESUS HEALED A PARALYTIC MAN BY TELLING HIM TO TAKE UP HIS BED AND WALK. THEN JESUS WENT AROUND HEALING PEOPLE OF ALL SORTS OF DISEASES, AND HE TAUGHT AND HE PREACHED. →

Atten-tion! Listen up, maggots! You've got a lot to learn about Matthew 10! Ya got Jesus sending out the 12 disciples to preach the good news and heal the sick! He tells 'em what to do and not to do! He warns 'em not to be afraid and to keep the faith! He tells 'em not to take any money or stuff with 'em - they'll be taken care of! Ya also got Jesus teaching 'em how to handle situations with hostile people. →

Listen up, y'all! This is what Matthew 11 is about: John the Baptist is doubting his faith in Jesus and has sent a few of his disciples to ask Jesus if He is the Messiah. Jesus confirms that He is, and then teaches about the mystery of the Kingdom of God. →

Hey, you maggots, listen up! This is Matthew 12! Jesus gets accused of breaking the Sabbath and healing a man, but Jesus says He is Lord of the Sabbath and that God wants mercy, not sacrifices. Then Jesus says that if you don't have anything good to say, then don't say anything at all. →

Listen up, maggots! This is Matthew 13. Jesus is gonna tell you a bunch of stories, so pay attention! First, Jesus tells a parable about how a farmer scatters seed. Some of it falls on the path and gets eaten by birds. →

"Listen up, ya'll! This is Matthew 14! King Herod hears about Jesus and his miracles and gets scared, so he orders the killing of all the baby boys in Bethlehem. Jesus and his followers go away to a place called the Decapolis, and thousands of people follow him. →

LISTEN UP RECRUITS! This is MATTHEW CHAPTER 15! Jesus is now teaching us about proper worship, and how it comes from deep within us. He says that it's not just about obeying the rules, but about having a relationship with God. →

Listen up, maggots! This chapter is all about Peter getting some recognition. Jesus tells him he's pretty amazing and gives him the nickname "Rock." He then tells the disciples that the religious leaders are all wrong. →

Listen up, recruits! This is Matthew 17. In this chapter, Jesus takes three of his disciples, Peter, James, and John, up to a mountain to pray. He then changes in front of their eyes and is transformed into a glorious figure. →

Listen up, maggots! This is Matthew 18! Jesus is tellin' ya how ya should treat each other. He says the one who humbles himself like a little child will enter the Kingdom of Heaven. He also says to treat each other with respect and not to cause anyone to stumble. →

GET ON YOUR FEET, PRIVATES! This is Matthew 19, and it's all about marriage! In this chapter, Jesus sets down the rules for marriage. He says that it's only lawful to get married to someone of the opposite sex and that a man should not divorce his wife except in cases of sexual immorality. →

Listen up, ya heathens! This is Matthew 20. You better listen up and listen good! You got Jesus and his disciples, and they're on the way to Jerusalem. Jesus tells 'em a parable. In it, he says the kingdom of heaven is like a landowner who hires laborers for his vineyard. →

"LISTEN UP YOU MAGGOTS! MATTHEW 21 IS ALL ABOUT JESUS RIDING INTO JERUSALEM ON A DONKEY. THE CROWDS WAVE PALM BRANCHES AND SHOUT PRAISES. JESUS THEN HEADS TO THE TEMPLE WHERE HE TURNS OVER THE MONEY-CHANGER'S TABLES AND TELLS THEM THEY TURNED HIS FATHER'S HOUSE INTO A DEN OF THIEVES. →

"Listen up, you greenhorns! Chapter 22 of Matthew starts with a parable about a king throwing a wedding feast for his son. He sent out his servants to invite people, but they all refused. So, the king got angry and destroyed them. →

Listen up, ya'll! This is Matthew chapter 23! You better take note of what it says! Alright, here it goes: Jesus is talkin' about the scribes and Pharisees. He's telling them that they should be following God's laws and not just pretending to. →

"LISTEN UP RECRUITS! I'LL SAY THIS ONLY ONCE! Chapter 24 of Matthew is all about the End Times. Jesus is clear that He will come back in glory, but no one knows the day or the hour. He warns us to be ready, because no one will be able to escape what's coming. →

1-13. "LISTEN UP! MATTHEW 25:1-13. THIS IS IMPORTANT! THERE WERE 10 BRIDESMAIDS. FIVE OF THEM WERE WISE AND TOOK THEIR LAMPS WITH OIL IN THEM. FIVE OF THEM WERE FOOLISH AND DIDN'T TAKE ANY OIL. THEN THE BRIDEGROOM CAME AND THE WISE BRIDESMAIDS WERE READY WITH THEIR LAMPS. →

Alright you maggots, listen up! Matthew 26 is about how Jesus gets arrested and taken away to be crucified. It starts off with Judas agreeing to hand Jesus over to the authorities in exchange for money. →

"Listen up! Matthew 27! This is all about the crucifixion of Jesus. He's betrayed by Judas and taken before the governor, Pontius Pilate. Pilate is pressured by the religious leaders to sentence Jesus to death, but he tries to pass the buck to King Herod. →

LISTEN UP, RECRUITS! You better pay attention to this chapter or it'll be push-ups for all of you! Matthew 28 is all about Jesus' resurrection. After Jesus was crucified, an angel of the Lord rolled back the stone from the entrance of Jesus' tomb and scared the guards. →