Listen up, maggots! This is Joshua. He's the new leader of the Israelites after Moses. God speaks to him and tells him to be strong and courageous, because he's going to lead the Israelites into the Promised Land. →

Listen up, you maggots! Joshua 2 is about Rahab the prostitute and two spies! Rahab was living in the city of Jericho when Joshua sent the two spies to scope it out. When the king of Jericho heard about it, he sent soldiers to Rahab's house to capture the spies. →

Listen up, maggots! Chapter 3 of Joshua starts with y'all crossing the Jordan River. God tells Joshua and the Israelites to get ready to cross, but then God tells Joshua to pick up 12 stones from the middle of the river and carry them out when they get out of the river. →

"Listen up, you maggots! This is Joshua chapter 4. You better pay attention if you don't want to be left behind. In this chapter, God commands Joshua to select 12 men from each tribe. These men will be responsible for carrying 12 stones from the middle of the Jordan River and setting them up as a memorial. →

Joshua 5: Listen up! You hapless maggots! This chapter is all about the Israelites getting ready to enter the Promised Land. First, God tells Joshua to circumcise all the Israelites, something they hadn't done since they left Egypt. →

Listen up, maggots! Joshua 6 is all about how Joshua and the Israelites conquered the city of Jericho. The Lord gave Joshua a plan: make a bunch of noise and march around the city seven times. On the seventh time around, blow your trumpets, shout, and watch the walls come tumbling down. →

"Listen up, maggots! This is Joshua chapter 7 and it's about Achan. Achan was a big-time screw-up who stole some of the stuff that was supposed to be devoted to the Lord. So, God was pissed off and told Joshua to find out who did it. →

ATTENTION RECRUITS! PAY ATTENTION AND LISTEN UP! I AM ABOUT TO SUMMARIZE JOSHUA 8 FOR YA! Joshua 8 is about the Israelites defeating Ai, a Canaanite city. Joshua sent a tricking force of men to pretend to flee from Ai, thereby drawing out the men of Ai. →

Listen up, maggots! This here is Joshua Chapter 9! Now pay attention, you don't wanna miss a word. Now, the Gibeonites have heard about Joshua, so they come up with a plan to make a peace treaty with the Israelites. →

"Listen up, recruits! This is Joshua 10. The Lord told Joshua to not be afraid of the Amorites and to fight them. So he marched with his army to the city of Gibeon and attacked. The Amorites tried to run away, but the Lord made the sun and moon stand still in the sky so that Joshua and his men could keep fighting until they were victorious. →

"LISTEN UP, RECRUITS! This here is Joshua 11. Here's the deal: the Israelites put the smack down on the Canaanite kings and their armies. They took over the whole shebang, from the hill country to the Negev, from the Mediterranean Sea to the Jordan Valley. →

"LISTEN UP MAGGOTS! THIS IS JOSHUA 12! YOU BETTER PAY ATTENTION CAUSE I'M NOT GONNA SAY IT AGAIN! IN THIS CHAPTER, JOSHUA DEFEATS 31 KINGS AND THEIR ARMIES! HE WIPES THEM OUT AND TAKES ALL THEIR LAND! HE DOESN'T LEAVE ANY OF THEM ALIVE! HE ALSO CLAIMS THE LAND FOR THE PEOPLE OF ISRAEL! THAT'S IT! YOU GOT IT? IF NOT, I'LL SAY IT AGAIN! JOSHUA DEFEATS 31 KINGS AND THEIR ARMIES! THAT'S YOUR SUMMARY! GOT IT? GOOD! NOW MOVE OUT!" →

"Listen up, maggots! Joshua 13 is all about how the land of Israel was divided up among the tribes. Joshua was getting old and the Lord told him that he still had some tribes to divvy up land to, so Joshua had to get to work. →

Listen up, recruits! This is Joshua 14. We've got Caleb, an old-timer, asking God for a piece of land. God says yes, and Caleb gets the land of Hebron. Caleb tells the people of Judah to go take possession of the land, so they do. →

Listen up, maggots! You better be paying attention! This is Joshua 15. Here's the skinny: It's all about a place called Judah. It's the southernmost part of the Promised Land. There's a bunch of towns and cities listed, some of which are cities of refuge, where people can go to escape justice. →

Listen up, maggots! Joshua 16 is about the boundaries and allotment of two of the tribes of Israel, Ephraim and Manasseh. The eastern border of the two tribes is from the Jordan River to the sea. The southern border is from the Dead Sea to the Mediterranean Sea. →

"Listen up, maggots! Joshua 17 is about the allotment of land in Canaan among the tribes of Israel. The whole land was divided up among the nine and a half tribes, and the tribe of Manasseh was given the largest share. →

"Listen up, maggots! Joshua 18 is all about the division of the Promised Land among the tribes of Israel. Seven of the tribes have already been given their land, and now it's time for the tribe of Benjamin to get theirs. →

"You maggots, listen up! In Joshua 19, we see the division of the land among the remaining tribes. The first seven get their land first and the rest get theirs after. The land of Judah gets the largest portion and the other tribes get the rest. →

Listen up, troops! This is Joshua 20, so pay attention! In this chapter, God tells the Israelites to choose 6 cities of refuge. They are places of safety for anyone who has accidentally killed someone, so that person can flee there in order to escape punishment. →

"Get it together, recruits! This is Joshua chapter 21. In this chapter, the Lord gives the Israelites the city of Arba, and the other cities and areas that have been promised to them. They get it, and take possession of it. →

LISSEN UP YA MAGGOTS! Joshua 22 is all about the tribes of Reuben, Gad, and half the tribe of Manasseh. They built a big ol' altar by the Jordan River, which made the other tribes of Israel angry. So they sent a delegation to check it out, and the tribe of Reuben, Gad, and half of Manasseh had to explain themselves. →

"You maggots! Listen up! Chapter 23 of Joshua. The Lord's been good to the Israelites; they've taken possession of the land He promised them. They've got the cities, the hills, and the valleys. Now, here's the thing: don't let yourselves be tricked by the other nations around you. →

"Listen up, MAGGOTS! You're about to get a quick rundown of Joshua 24. Joshua gathered the people of Israel together and reminded them of how God had been with them since the time of Abraham. He said to them, 'Choose this day whom you will serve, God or the false gods of the nations around you. →