Yeah, so Joshua has been chosen by God to lead the Israelites and he's pretty stoked about it. So God tells him, "Hey, don't be scared, just keep my commandments and you'll be fine." But in case that wasn't enough to get him pumped, God also made sure to mention how he'd be successful if he kept the commandments, like, if he did, his enemies would be defeated. →

Well, folks, it looks like the Israelites are on the move again, this time led by Joshua. They’re making their way to Jericho and they’re sending in a couple of spies to do some reconnaissance. They end up in the house of Rahab, a prostitute, and she hides them from the king. →

Well, folks, in the Bible this week, Joshua is leading the Israelites into the Promised Land. But before they get there, he's got them doing some weird stuff. In Joshua 3, they march around the city of Jericho for six days, with the Ark of the Covenant leading the way. →

Well, folks, it's time for a trip back to the Bible, and this week we've got Joshua 4. It's a wild ride, folks, so buckle up. The Israelites have just crossed the Jordan River, and they want to commemorate the event. →

Hey, everyone, this is Norm MacDonald here with your Sunday School Update. In Joshua 5, we got a look at the Israelites getting circumcised at Gilgal, successfully taking Jericho, and then the Lord making himself known to Joshua in a vision. →

So, Joshua 6. This is the chapter where the Israelites march around the city of Jericho seven times, which, let me tell you, is a lot of marching. But they don't just march, they blow ram's horns, which is definitely a weird thing to do. →

Oh man, you know what happened in Joshua 7? It was a real mess. So, the Israelites totally messed up by not following the instructions and taking some of the banned things from the city of Jericho. And then, God was like, "It's game over for you, Israelites. →

Well folks, it looks like Joshua is at it again. This time, he's headed to the ol' city of Ai. Now, don't let the sound of that fool ya; it's not a vacation spot. No, this is a tactical mission. He's going to set up an ambush and - surprise, surprise - it works. →

Well folks, in Joshua 9, things get a little complicated. We've got the Gibeonites, who you might remember from previous chapters, and they come up with a scheme to fool the Israelites into making a peace covenant with them. →

Hey, folks, this is Norm MacDonald here to tell you about Joshua 10. So, Joshua is out fighting the Amorites and he's winning, but then the sun and moon stand still, which is a bit of a weird move on the part of the heavenly bodies. →

Well, folks, it's been a long time coming, but Joshua has finally met his match. In Joshua 11, Joshua and his band of merry men face off against the King of Hazor, who was the leader of a coalition of five different kings. →

Well, well, well, what do we have here? Joshua 12 - looks like we've got ourselves a list of kings who got defeated by Joshua and the Israelites. Let's see here, king of Jericho, king of Ai, king of Jerusalem, king of Hebron, king of Jarmuth, king of Lachish, king of Eglon, king of Gezer, king of Debir, king of Geder, king of Hormah, king of Arad, king of Libnah, king of Adullam, king of Makkedah, king of Bethel, king of Tappuah, king of Hepher, king of Aphek, king of Sharon, king of Madon, king of Hazor, king of Shimron-Meron, king of Achshaph, king of Taanach, king of Megiddo, king of Kedesh, king of Jokneam in Carmel, king of Dor in the heights of Dor, king of Goiim in Gilgal, king of Tirzah. →

Well, Joshua 13 is a real hoot, folks. It starts with an old man, Joshua, talking to the Lord about how he's been a pretty faithful servant. He's been fighting for the Israelites for a long time, and now he's getting a little tired. →

So it's time for a quick refresher on the Book of Joshua. This week, we look at the 14th chapter. Apparently, the whole tribe of Israel has been doling out land to the people as a reward for their loyalty and service. →

Well, folks, it's a wild one in Joshua 15, as the Lord tells Joshua to divide the land of Canaan among the tribes of Israel. But here's the kicker - it's all based on lotteries. Yeah, lotteries. Talk about your luck of the draw! And get this - Judah gets the most prime real estate, but Caleb gets a special bonus of the city of Hebron. →

Well, folks, it looks like Joshua 16 is a real snooze-fest. It's all about the land that was given to the descendants of Joseph. Yup, it's another chapter about the Israelites carving out their little slice of the Promised Land. →

Hey, folks, it's Joshua 17 here on Weekend Update. So, the Israelites have been divvying up the land God promised them, and this chapter is all about the half-tribe of Manasseh. They got two sections, one of which was west of the Jordan River, and the other was east. →

Joshua 18: This chapter is about the division of the land of Canaan amongst the seven remaining tribes of Israel, including Benjamin, Simeon, Judah, Dan, Naphtali, Asher, and Manasseh. It's a long, tedious process, so we'll spare you the details. →

Hey, what's up with this Joshua 19? So, this is the chapter where we learn that the land of Israel has been divided into portions for the nine-and-a-half tribes. So, you've got your Reubenites, your Gadites, your Manassehites, your Judahites, your Zebulunites, your Issacharites, your Asherites, your Naphtalites, and your Simeonites. →

Welcome back, I'm Norm MacDonald and here's your Biblical Update. In Joshua chapter 20, God tells the Israelites to set aside cities of refuge where someone who accidentally killed someone could flee and be saved from the revenge of the victim's family. →

Hey, folks, it's Norm MacDonald here, with a recap of the latest chapter from the Bible. In this week's episode of Joshua, the Israelites get the land they were promised. It's been a long time coming, but finally, God is keeping his word. →

So, Joshua 22… here’s the deal. The tribes of Reuben, Gad, and the half-tribe of Manasseh had been given their land east of the Jordan River, and were ready to head back home. But before they do, they build an altar of stones, which causes a huge uproar among the other tribes. →

Hey folks, it's me, Norm MacDonald and this is your Sunday Bible Update. In Joshua 23, the author warns the Israelites that they must remain faithful to the Lord, otherwise their enemies will become too powerful for them to defeat. →

So, in Joshua 24, we have the Israelites gathered at the plains of Shechem, and Joshua gives them a history lesson. He talks about how their ancestors served all sorts of gods, until God chose Abraham, then Isaac and Jacob, then led them into the Promised Land. →