Revelation 1: We start off with a bang, people, as John the Apostle gets a vision from God. He sees seven golden lampstands, and seven stars in the right hand of the one who speaks. Talk about a power move. →

Well folks, this week, we're talkin' about the Book of Revelation, Chapter 2. It's all about Jesus scolding seven churches in Asia Minor for compromising with paganism and being lukewarm in their faith. →

All right, folks! It's time for a quick run-down of the happenings in Revelation 3. Apparently, Jesus is sending letters to seven churches. The letters are super encouraging and preachy, as you'd expect. →

Well, folks, Revelation 4 is truly the epitome of boring Bible chapters. We've got a throne up in Heaven, some elders wearing crowns, and a bunch of beasts with different numbers of eyes. Yeah, and St. John is there too, but don't get excited - he's just standing there, not doing a single thing. →

Well, folks, in Revelation 5 of the Bible, we got a real doozy. So, according to the text, there's this book with seven seals, right? It's apparently pretty dang important, and no one can open it. Until, that is, the Lamb of God, or Jesus, shows up and opens it. →

Well folks, it's been an exciting start to the book of Revelation, and chapter 6 is no different. All of a sudden, the heavens part, and out come these four horsemen. Yeah, I know, we thought they were only in Lord of the Rings, but no, apparently they're actually in the Bible, too. →

Well folks, it's time for another chapter in the Bible. This time it's Revelation 7. We've got four angels standing at the four corners of the Earth, ready to blow their trumpets and bring about some harsh judgments. →

Well, folks, it's Revelation 8, and it's a doozy. We open with seven angels getting ready to blow seven trumpets. Don't worry, there's no chance of a fifth-grade dance-off. But the trumpets do release a bunch of plagues, like a third of the sea turning to blood and a third of the stars in the sky falling to Earth. →

So, folks, seems we've got a bit of a doozy on our hands in Revelation 9. Y'all ready? Here we go! Well, first off, we got a star that's fallen from heaven and he's got the key to the pit of the abyss. So, naturally, he opens it up and smoke and locusts come out and they have the power to sting people like scorpions. →

Hey, welcome back to Weekend Update. Let's go to the book of Revelation, chapter 10. Here's what went down: an angel descended with a little scroll in his hand, and he stood with one foot on the sea, one foot on the land. →

Ok, so, Revelation 11. We open with two witnesses being given the authority to prophesy for 1,260 days. And that's about it. I mean, it's pretty much just a bunch of numbers and measurements and prophecies. →

Oh boy, we've reached the book of Revelation, and this is the twelfth chapter! So buckle up, because this one is a real doozy. We've got an enormous dragon—we're talking massive—with seven heads and ten horns. →

Revelation 13: the final chapter of the bible, and quite the cliffhanger! An awesome beast appears, with seven heads and ten horns. But it's not just any beast, it has the mouth of a lion, the feet of a bear, and the body of a leopard. →

Alright, so in Revelation 14, we've got a lot of angels showing up, like it's a whole angel convention. There's one angel flying around with the everlasting gospel, so I guess we can all hear it now. Then there's another angel that's all like, "Hey, don't worship the beast," and then there's another angel who's like, "Hey, don't drink the wine of God's wrath!" So, yeah, it's all very intense. →

Alright, so here we got Revelation 15. Now, this one starts out with some folks standing on a sea of glass, and they've got some harps and they're singing praises to God. But then it gets real weird, y'all. →

Hey folks, this week we've got a real doozy of a chapter. In Revelation 16, we've got angels pouring out seven bowls of God's wrath on the Earth, and it's a real mess. Basically, the first bowl brings painful sores on all the people who have the mark of the beast, then the second brings blood on the sea. →

[Norm MacDonald voice] Well, in Revelation 17, we meet the Great Whore, who's the one who corrupted the Earth with her sorcery. She's riding a scarlet-colored beast with seven heads and 10 horns. She's also holding a golden cup filled with abominations. →

So, Revelation 18. Yeesh. Well, it starts off with an angel from Heaven, warning the world about the fall of Babylon the Great, the city of great luxury and power. Basically, the city is gonna get whacked. →

Hey, everyone, it's Norm MacDonald here, from Weekend Update. And I've got a real doozy for ya today. It's a chapter from the Book of Revelation - Chapter 19. Now, here's the thing about this chapter: it's pretty out there. →

"Well folks, we're gonna wrap up our tour of the Bible with a visit to Revelation 20. In this chapter, we find John writing about a vision of an angel coming down from heaven with a key to the bottomless pit, and a great chain in his hand. →

Well, folks, it's time for Revelation 21. In this chapter, God promises that he will create a new heaven and a new earth, replacing the old ones. And here's the best part: everything's gonna be perfect! No more death, no more sadness, no more crying. →

Well folks, it's the last chapter of the Bible and it's a real doozy. In Revelation 22, we get a glimpse into the future, where God's throne sits in the middle of a huge city and the River of Life flows from it. →