Alright, so Exodus 1, the story of the Israelites fleeing Egypt. So Pharaoh, he's gettin a little worried about these Israelites, they're multiplying like crazy, so he decides to enslave them. Then he tells the midwives to kill all the baby boys, but they have a better idea and disobey his orders. →

Hey, folks! It's Norm MacDonald here with the Bible Report. In Exodus 2, we check in on Moses. It's a wild ride, so buckle up. So, Moses is still a baby and Pharaoh orders all the baby boys killed, but Moses' mom knows what's up and hides him in a basket in the Nile. →

"Weekend Update: Exodus 3. This chapter is all about a dude named Moses who goes up a mountain and God tells him to lead the Israelites out of Egypt. So Moses is like, 'Uh, no way, man.' But God's like, 'Moses, don't worry, I got your back. →

"This week, in Exodus 4, we have a story of a guy who thinks he can talk his way into anything. Moses, who was chosen by God to free the Israelites from slavery, thinks he's pretty special. He says, 'What if they don't believe me?' God responds, 'What do you have in your hand?' Moses says, 'A staff. →

So, in Exodus 5: Pharaoh is being a real jerk and makes the Israelites work harder than before. He even goes so far as to tell the Israelite supervisors that if they don't make the quota, then they will be punished. →

Well, folks, here we have Exodus 6, and it's a doozy. It starts with God reminding Moses and Aaron who he is and what he can do, because yeah, that's apparently something that needs to be said. Then we get some family trees - yup, a whole bunch of 'em - and some instructions on how to pronounce some of the names. →

(In Norm MacDonald's voice) Well, folks, the Lord is about to get real serious in Exodus 7. He tells Moses and Aaron to go tell Pharaoh to let the Israelites go. But Pharaoh just ain't having it and so God sends a bunch of plagues - blood, frogs, gnats, and boils. →

Hey folks, Norm MacDonald here and I'm back with the summary of Exodus 8. So, God tells Moses and Aaron to tell Pharaoh to let the people of Israel go, but Pharaoh is still not having it. So, God sends a plague of gnats, and Pharaoh's magicians are like, "Okay, this is a sign from God, we got it. →

Well, folks, in Exodus 9, God really pulled out all the stops! First, he sends a plague of gnats to torment the Egyptians, but Pharaoh was still unmoved! So God sends a plague of flies. Pharaoh still did not relent, so God sends a plague of livestock. →

Alright, so in Exodus 10, the Lord sends a plague of locusts to attack Egypt. Pharaoh's magicians tried to counter the plague, but failed. Pharaoh finally gives in and agrees to let the Israelites go. The Lord then sends a thick darkness to the land of Egypt and Pharaoh calls for Moses and tells him to take the people and go. →

Hey, if you thought the plagues were bad, get ready for the tenth plague! In Exodus 11, God tells Moses that he's gonna send the angel of death to go through all the firstborns of Egypt and kill 'em! They'll be spared only if they mark their doorposts with the blood of a lamb. →

Well, folks, in Exodus 12, God is still angry with the Egyptians and decides to punish them with the 10th plague. This should be fun. Anyway, God tells the Israelites to sacrifice a lamb and smear the blood on their doorposts or else the plague will get them too. →

Well, if you're looking for a good time, you won't be finding it in Exodus 13. In this chapter, God tells the Israelites that every first born of their livestock is to be dedicated to Him. He also commands them to observe the Passover and to celebrate the Feast of Unleavened Bread. →

Hey there, Bible-buffs! This week, we've got the rundown on Exodus 14. So the Israelites are totally freaking out 'cause Pharaoh's army is hot on their trail. But then God's like, "Hold up, everyone. Just turn around, and you'll see me. →

"Well, in Exodus 15, Moses and the Israelites sang a victory song after crossing the Red Sea in their escape from the Egyptians. They sang about the Lord being a warrior and the Lord triumphing over their enemies. →

Exodus 16: Well, well, well, the Israelites are still wandering through the desert, and they’re still complaining to Moses. This time, they’re complaining they’re hungry. So God sends them a miracle – a strange food called manna that appears on the ground every morning. →

So, Exodus 17. The Israelites are traveling through the wilderness and they're getting thirsty. But lo and behold, God provides! He gives them water from a rock. Then, Moses and the Israelites fight the Amalekites, and Moses and Aaron make sure that he stays standing on the top of the hill with the staff of God in his hand. →

Hey, this is Norm MacDonald here to give you an update on Exodus 18. So, Jethro, Moses' father-in-law, comes to visit and Moses tells him everything God had done for him and the Israelites. Jethro is like, 'Wow, that's great! You guys should really thank God for this. →

So, in Exodus 19, the Israelites arrive at Mount Sinai, and God tells Moses to tell them they can be his special people if they obey his laws. But the Israelites are like, 'Whatever, sure,' and Moses is all, 'No, really, like it's important, okay?!' So God's all, 'Fine, here's the deal: you obey, I'll be your God, and you'll be my special people. →

Well, folks, after leaving Egypt, the Israelites received a little parting gift from God: the Ten Commandments. Yup, nothing says "have a safe journey" like a list of rules. First up, no other gods before Yahweh. →

"Ladies and gentlemen, this week on Weekend Update, we're diving deep into the Bible. This week, it's all about Exodus 21, where the Children of Israel get a whole bunch of rules - the Ten Commandments ain't got nothin' on these! We're talking about how to treat slaves, what to do in case of injury, and how to deal with animals - basically, how to handle all the crazy situations that can come up in life. →

So in Exodus 22, God's like, "Hey, if you lend people money, don't charge interest. Also, if you kidnap someone and sell them, you're gonna get stoned. Also, if you own an ox and it gores someone, you gotta pay damages. →

Hey, folks, it's me, Norm MacDonald here to tell you about some of the stuff God told Moses in Exodus 23. So, apparently, God says: Don't spread lies about other people, and don't follow the majority when they're wrong. →

So folks, it's time to take a look at what's happening in Exodus 24. Basically, Moses and the Israelites have got themselves a deal with God - God will make them his special people if they obey his laws. →

Hey, folks! Welcome to Exodus 25, where God has some pretty specific instructions for Moses and the Israelites. He wants them to build a sanctuary, and he's not messing around. He wants this thing to look nice, so he's got instructions for the Ark of the Covenant, and a lot of other furniture - tables, altars and lamps, you name it. →

"Hey, this is Norm MacDonald here with the latest chapter of the Bible, Exodus 26. It's all about the construction of the Tabernacle and its interior furnishings. Yeah, yeah, I know what you're thinking - a lot of hard labor and not a lot of fun. →

Well, folks, looks like we've got another chapter from the Bible, this one from Exodus. In Exodus 27, we learn about the altar of burnt offering - it's big and made of acacia wood, and all the utensils necessary for sacrifice, including the horns of the altar. →

Hey, what's up everybody, it's Norm with another chapter-by-chapter summary of the Bible, this time from Exodus 28. In this chapter, God instructs Moses to create sacred garments for Aaron, the first high priest of the Israelites. →

So, Exodus 29. Not a lot happening this chapter. God's giving Moses instructions on how to consecrate Aaron and his sons, like anointing them with oil and sacrificing some animals and stuff. It's like a religious thing. →

Okay, so here's Exodus 30: the Lord tells Moses to make a special altar for burning incense and to anoint it with holy oil. Ah, yeah, and then he goes on to say that only the priests can burn incense on it, so don't even think about it, common folk. →

So, the big news in Exodus 31 is that God has some carpentry skills, because he's all like, "Hey, Moses, I'm gonna make a couple of tabernacle-type things for you. But don't worry, I'm not gonna do it by myself. →

Hey folks, it's me, Norm MacDonald with this week's update from the Bible. In Exodus 32, we learn about the Golden Calf. Apparently, the Israelites were so desperate for a god to worship that they decided to make one out of gold. →

So, this week on the Bible, we got Exodus 33, where God tells Moses to go ahead and lead his people to the Promised Land. But he also says that he's gonna have to do it without any divine assistance. Yup, God's totally gonna ghost Moses on this one. →

Hey, folks, Norm MacDonald here with a brief summary of Exodus 34. In this chapter, God reminds Moses of his laws, and tells him to make two stone tablets to record them. He also gives Moses specific instructions on how to worship him. →

So, Exodus 35. Let me tell ya somethin', this chapter is all about the workin' man. All the Israelites had to do was build the tabernacle, and they had all the materials and supplies they needed. But then God said, "No, no, no, no, no. →

So, Exodus 36: The Israelites have been freed from slavery in Egypt and are now making their way to the Promised Land, and they’ve got a lot of work to do. In this chapter, they get busy building the tabernacle, which is basically a really fancy tent. →

Oh boy, here we go. Exodus 37. God tells Moses to make a golden ark, and Moses does it. God tells Moses to make a golden altar, and Moses does it. God tells Moses to make some other stuff, and Moses does it. →

Exodus 38: Now we get to the really important stuff: the making of the tabernacle. Moses commissioned Bezalel to construct it and gave him a bunch of gold, silver and bronze. He also got some help from Oholiab and other skilled artisans. →

Well, folks, this week we turn to the book of Exodus and Chapter 39. In this chapter, God tells Moses to make priestly garments for Aaron, the high priest. So, Moses did as he was told and made Aaron some fancy duds and bling fit for a priest. →

Norm MacDonald here, with your summary of Exodus 40. In this chapter, God gives Moses instructions on how to build a sanctuary for the Israelites, including how to construct an altar, how to make and hang curtains, and how to place the Ark of the Covenant. →