Hey, what's up everybody? This is Norm MacDonald and I'm here to give you a summary of Ecclesiastes 1. Alright, so here goes. So the author of Ecclesiastes, King Solomon, is basically having a mid-life crisis. →

"Ecclesiastes 2. Well, this guy Solomon had it all, am I right? He was living the good life. But, you know what he figured out? That it all means nothing. Nothing! He tried it all, and it's still nothing. →

So, Ecclesiastes 3...here's the gist of it: A time to be born, a time to die, a time to plant, a time to reap, a time to keep silence, a time to speak, a time to love, a time to hate, a time to dance, a time to mourn, a time to build, a time to break down, a time to keep, a time to cast away, a time to embrace and a time to refrain from embracing, a time to get, a time to lose, a time to keep quiet, a time to speak up, a time for war, a time for peace. →

Ah yes, Ecclesiastes 4. It's like a bad episode of Maury, with all the talk of oppression, envy, and strife. Here we learn that it's better to have two people working together than to have one person going it alone. →

Well, here it is folks, the chapter of Ecclesiastes you've all been waiting for, chapter 5. Listen up, 'cause here it is: The Preacher says, money, money, money. Don't be too quick to make promises to God, 'cause you don't know what tomorrow might bring. →

Well, it's a real bummer of a chapter, this Ecclesiastes 6. Solomon really has a way of bringing you down, doesn't he? He's all like, "Hey, remember that whole 'the race is not to the swift' thing? Yeah, well, it's still true, but even if you're the swiftest, you still won't live forever. →

Alright, Ecclesiastes 7. This one's all about being better off not knowing stuff. Like, the preacher dude says it's better to be ignorant and happy, than to be wise and miserable. Then he talks about how death is better than life, and how people should be careful not to be too righteous or too wicked. →

Alright, so Ecclesiastes 8 - this is gonna be a bummer. It starts out with an ominous warning that no one can really figure out God’s will and so we should just be careful. Then it goes on to say that you should obey the king because he’s got the power to do bad stuff. →

So, Ecclesiastes 9... man, it's like Solomon is just straight-up giving up. He's like, "Life is meaningless, no matter how hard you work, because who knows what God has planned." He's all, "Enjoy life while you can, 'cause it's all a big mystery. →

Hey, did you know that the Bible is full of totally wild stuff? Well, Ecclesiastes 10 is no exception. It starts off with this, like, totally bizarre metaphor about a dead fly screwing up a whole pot of ointment. →

Well, Folks, it's time for another summary of a biblical chapter, and this time around we've got Ecclesiastes 11. It starts off with a bit of advice: "Cast your bread upon the waters, for after many days you will find it again. →

Alright, here we go with Ecclesiastes 12. So, apparently, the author of this book has some words of wisdom for us. He says to remember your Creator in the days of your youth, and to enjoy life while you can because life passes quickly. →