Good evening, I’m Norm MacDonald, and this is Weekend Update. In the Bible this week, Isaiah 1 tells us about God’s disappointment with Judah and Jerusalem. It seems God is not impressed with the sacrifices and offerings they’ve been giving him. →

Well folks, we've got another chapter of the Bible for ya, this time it's Isaiah 2. In this chapter, God tells Isaiah to share a vision with the people - a vision of a time when all nations will stream toward Jerusalem to learn the ways of the Lord. →

So, folks, it's Isaiah 3. Things are not looking great for the children of Israel. They're going to get a massive punishment for their sins, and it's gonna be delivered by a bunch of wicked leaders. On top of that, the women in Jerusalem are so wicked that their hairdos and clothing styles are a source of shame. →

"Hey, check it out! It's Isaiah 4! The Lord has promised Jerusalem will be restored, so the prophet Isaiah is feeling pretty positive about the future. He says that when the city is restored, it'll be a sign of God's protection. →

Good evening, I'm Norm MacDonald, and here's what happened in Isaiah 5: God is mad at the people of Judah because they are wicked and have abandoned him, so he compares them to a vineyard he planted and expected them to produce good fruit, but instead they produced bad fruit. →

Hey there, folks! I'm Norm MacDonald and this is Isaiah 6, Weekend Update-style! So back in the day, Isaiah is hanging out in the temple, and all of a sudden God appears to him. Isaiah totally freaks out and he's like, "Oh snap, God is here! I'm so scared!" And God's like, "Yo chill, Isaiah, don't be scared. →

Well, this is a wild one, folks. This is Isaiah 7, and it's about a sign from God that a certain young woman will give birth to a son who will be named Immanuel, which means "God is with us." Oh, and also, the Assyrians are coming, so it's not all good news. →

So, Isaiah 8... It's a wild one, folks. We've got a prophet named Isaiah, who's gonna be the star of the show. He's gonna marry a woman and they're gonna have a child. That child is gonna be a sign of God's power, and it's gonna be a big hit. →

So, Isaiah 9. Yeah, this one's a real barn burner. We've got God's people, the Israelites, continuing to suffer under the oppressive rule of the Assyrians. He's still mad at them for their sins, but God has a plan: He's sending a baby - a savior - to redeem them and set things right. →

Alright, so in Isaiah 10, it turns out that God isn't too happy with a few of the leaders of Israel. He's mad at them because they're using their power to oppress the poor and needy, and they're using their power to take advantage of people. →

Hey, it's Norm MacDonald here with a quick update on Isaiah 11. So, it looks like a new ruler is on the horizon, and this one is gonna be special. He's gonna be full of "wisdom and understanding," and he's gonna have the "spirit of the Lord. →

Well, it's Isaiah 12. This one's a real hum-dinger. So, God's like, "Hey, I'm gonna make things better for you, and you'll be so happy you'll sing and shout!" Except, it's not just singing and shouting - no, that would be too easy. →

Hey there, Weekend Update here. Our next chapter is Isaiah 13. It's a long one, so try to stay with me. It's basically a prophecy about the fall of Babylon. The Lord is angry, so He is sending a horde of soldiers to punish them. →

Good evening. In the book of Isaiah, chapter 14, we learn that God has had enough of the King of Babylon. He's like, "I'm gonna bring you down, buddy," and brings a bunch of nations against the King of Babylon. →

Hey, everybody, Isaiah 15 - this chapter is all about Moab and its future. Yeah, Moab. It's gonna be a rough one for them, folks. The Lord says, "My heart cries out over Moab," and there's gonna be a lot of wailing and mourning and lamenting. →

Alright, folks, Isaiah 16. Things are lookin' grim in the land of Moab. God's angry and they're gonna pay. He's gonna send destruction and devastation, and all that's left will be a sad little heap of rubble. →

Norm MacDonald: "Hey, folks. This week, Isaiah 17 is in the house! Basically, it's all about God's judgement in Damascus, a town in Syria. He's gonna send a bunch of locusts and a bunch of caterpillars, and by the time they're done, there won't be anything left but bare fields. →

Well, folks, here we go with Isaiah 18, and what do we have here? A lot of nothing, that's what. It's just a bunch of words telling us to look out for a nation from far away--we don't know where, 'cause the Bible doesn't say. →

Ah, Isaiah 19. It's a real roller-coaster ride. So, it starts off with a vision of Egypt, where God's gonna send some plagues and mess up the Nile River, just for kicks. But then, the next thing you know, the Egyptians and the Assyrians are teaming up and making an alliance, and even worshipping the same God. →

Well, folks, it looks like Isaiah 20 is full of folks walking around with no pants on. Yeah, you read that right. The Lord has instructed the prophet Isaiah to take off his pants and walk around for three years as a sign of what's to come. →

"Hey, welcome to the Sunday edition of Weekend Update. In this week's Bible chapter, it's Isaiah 21. We got a lot of meshing of various visions that don't really make a lot of sense, but I guess that's what the Bible's all about. →

Hey, this chapter in Isaiah is really something. It starts off by talking about how the city of Jerusalem is going to get plowed up and turned into a heap of ruins due to their sinful ways. Then God says he's going to appoint a new leader and take away the current leader's power. →

Well, folks, it's time to take a quick look at the happenings in Isaiah 23. In this chapter, God is really angry with the city of Tyre. He's so mad that he's determined to punish the city and its people. →

Hey, folks, Isaiah 24 is not lookin' so good. God is pretty ticked off, and it looks like all those sinners in the land of Judah are gonna pay for it. Yup, the Lord is gonna lay waste to everything and everybody. →

Hey, everybody. Did you know the Bible's got a chapter about parties? Yeah, it's true. Isaiah 25: it's all about how God's gonna throw a party for everyone who trusts in him. And it's gonna be a doozy. There'll be plenty of tasty food, and the Lord's gonna get rid of death and sorrow forever. →

Well, folks, Isaiah 26 is all about the power of Jerusalem. The people are reminded that they can only be safe and secure if they rely on and trust in the Lord. It’s also encouraging them to be patient, as the Lord will eventually bring justice to the wicked and reward the righteous. →

Alright folks, here's the deal with Isaiah 27 - it's about a really big vineyard. God is talking about how He's gonna take care of it, and how it's gonna bring forth fruit. He'll even make walls and hedges around it to keep it safe. →

So, Isaiah 28, okay. So, this chapter is all about God’s people getting a little too rowdy, and God warning them about the consequences of their actions. Ya know, like your parents do when you get a little too wild at the club. →

Hey, what's up everybody? This is Norm MacDonald here with your Bible Update, and today I'm telling you all about Isaiah 29. So, here's what's going on: God is mad at the people of Jerusalem because they think they can hide their sins from him. →

Well, Isaiah 30 has a lot to say about the consequences of the Israelites’s rebellion and disobedience. And it ain't pretty. They're going to be punished for their sins, and it's gonna be bad. God is gonna send them off to Egypt, and they're gonna be slaves and be oppressed. →

Hey, it's me, Norm MacDonald here, and this time I'm talking about the Bible. In Isaiah 31, God says that if the people of Judah don't turn back to him, then, uh, they're gonna be in trouble. He says that relying on Egypt for help is like relying on a broken reed. →

Welcome to Weekend Update, I'm Norm MacDonald. This week, we're reading Isaiah 32, and I gotta tell ya, it's a real snoozefest. We start off with a promise that a righteous king is gonna come and make everything great, but then it switches to talking about how the land is gonna be overrun with all sorts of creepy-crawlies. →

So, Isaiah 33. It's a real roller coaster of a chapter, folks. We start with a warning to the wicked: get out of town, 'cause the Lord is gonna judge you. Then, we get a vision of a glorious future, where the Lord is gonna provide justice and righteousness. →

Well, folks, it's time for another Bible chapter update. This week, we've got Isaiah 34. And I gotta tell ya, things are getting pretty wild. We've got God's wrath being unleashed on stars and mountains, a bunch of wild animals living in the ruins of Edom, and it's all set to a musical score of "the sword of the Lord and of Gideon. →

Alright, folks, this one is Isaiah 35. This chapter is all about a prophecy of a future time when the Lord will come down and the desert will bloom like a rose (yes, like the song). It's gonna be a time of joy and rejoicing, so if you're feeling down, just hang on until then. →

Alright folks, we have a new chapter in the Bible for y'all, Isaiah 36. So, King Sennacherib of Assyria is threatening Jerusalem and demanding King Hezekiah to surrender. Hezekiah refuses, so Sennacherib sends his chief of staff Rabshakeh to try and convince Hezekiah to change his mind. →

Hey, I got some news for ya...it's Isaiah 37! This chapter starts off with a bang: King Hezekiah of Judah is feeling a little down in the dumps 'cause the king of Assyria is attacking him. But don't worry, 'cause God's got his back. →

Hey, this is Norm MacDonald with your summary of Isaiah 38. So, King Hezekiah of Judah gets sick and is about to die. He prays to God and God sends the prophet Isaiah to tell Hezekiah that he's gonna live another 15 years. →

"Hey, it's Norm MacDonald here with a rundown of Isaiah 39. So, according to the Bible, Isaiah went to King Hezekiah and told him that all the stuff he was treasuring in his palace was going to be carried off to Babylon. →

Hey folks, it's Norm Macdonald here with the latest update on the Good Book. In Isaiah 40, we have the Lord (yeah, that one) promising comfort and salvation to the people of Israel. He's basically like, "Hey, don't worry, I got this. →

Hey there, it's Norm MacDonald here with the latest from the Bible. This time, it's all about Isaiah 41. Well, it seems like God is pretty confident that He's got this all taken care of, because He tells His people not to be afraid and to take courage, because He's got their back. →

"Well, in Isaiah 42, the Lord is appointing a servant - who, uh, I'm sure is a real winner - to bring justice to the nations, and He's promising that His servant won't be discouraged. So, I guess the Lord likes a good challenge. →

Well, folks, Isaiah 43 was a real doozy. We got a reminder that God is always there for us, no matter how deep into the mud we get. God's got our back, even if we're in a "desolate wilderness" or "rivers in the desert". →

Well, folks, Isaiah 44 is a real doozy. We got God talking about how he's the only one who can create and save. He says, "Look, I made everything and you're kinda just along for the ride, so don't get too big for your britches. →

Hey, everybody! It's Norm MacDonald here with a summary of Isaiah 45. Now, this chapter starts off with a message from God to Cyrus, who is basically a Persian king. God says, "I am the Lord and I have called you by name, I have given you a title, even though you don't even know me. →

Hey, folks, this is Norm MacDonald here with the Bible update. You know, I'm sure you've heard all the hype about Isaiah 46. I mean, it's one of the most talked-about chapters in the Bible. But here's the truth of the matter - it's not that great. →

Hey everyone, Norm MacDonald here with a summary of the Bible's Isaiah 47. That's right, the same Isaiah we all know and love - but this time he's ready to get a little snarky. In this chapter, we see God's wrath unleashed on Babylon and her people. →

Hey, folks, it's me, Norm MacDonald, with this week's summary of Isaiah 48. This one's a bit of a snoozer because all God does is brag about himself, saying that he foresaw all this stuff before it happened and that he's so great that no one can deny it. →

Okay, folks, time for the Bible Summary Update! This week, we're talking about Isaiah 49. Here's the rundown: God tells Isaiah that he's been chosen from before he was born to be a light to the nations and to bring God's salvation to the ends of the earth. →

Well, folks, I'm here to tell you all about Isaiah 50. So, get ready for some Old Testament drama. Apparently, the Lord is pretty mad about how the people of Israel are treating him. His punishment? Oh, just a little thing called Exile. →

Well, Isaiah 51 is all about comfort and encouragement. God is telling his people not to be scared, because He's got their backs. He's gonna save them and make everything better. It's all gonna work out, He assures them. →

Well, this week on Isaiah 52, the Lord is still real mad about how bad his people are doing. He's so mad, he's gonna send a messenger to announce the good news of his return. But don't worry, the Lord promises that his people will be released from the vicious clutches of Babylon. →

"Well, folks, if you thought Isaiah 53 was gonna be a breezy read, you were wrong! It's a real snoozefest. Here's what happened: So, this dude named Isaiah is preaching to the people, and he tells them that the Messiah will be a suffering servant. →

Well, folks, it's Isaiah 54, and you know what that means: God's got some serious beef with somebody! He's warning the people of Israel to not be afraid of the enemies who surround them, because the Lord will fight for them and protect them. →

Hey, folks, it's Norm MacDonald here with your Bible update. In Isaiah 55, God is like, "Hey, if you're thirsty, come to me and I'll give you water. And not just any water, dude, like, the best water ever. →

Hey, everybody. Welcome back to Weekend Update. I've got a special report for you tonight about a Bible chapter, Isaiah 56. So here's the deal: God is promising salvation to all people, no matter who they are. →

Tonight on Weekend Update, we look at the 57th chapter of the Book of Isaiah. This chapter is all about God's anger with the people for their wickedness and idolatry. He warns them to repent and turn their hearts back to him, but they don't listen. →

Hey there, folks. Let's check in on what's happening in Isaiah 58. So, God is super mad 'cause the Jews are fasting and thinking that it's gonna make him happy. But, God's all like, "That ain't it, chief. →

Alright, everyone, let's talk about Isaiah 59. So, God is like, "Hey, why isn't anyone helping out the oppressed?" and then people are like, "Uh, it's because we're too busy sinning". Uh-huh, uh-huh. So God is like, "We can fix that" and He sends His own arm to save us. →

Weekend Update: Well, it looks like Isaiah 60 is a real downer! This chapter is all about how Jerusalem is in darkness and how the city will eventually be restored and the people of Israel will be blessed. →

Hey there, it's Norm MacDonald here, with your summary of Isaiah 61. This chapter's all about a spirit of good news coming to the people of Israel, and it's gonna bring them a heap of joy. The Lord's anointing the people to bring good news to the afflicted, to bind up the brokenhearted, to proclaim liberty to the captives, and freedom to the prisoners. →

Okay, so Isaiah 62: Alright, so this chapter is all about the restoration of Jerusalem. God is like "I'm going to give Jerusalem a new name, and the nations are gonna know it." He says, "You, my people, will be called by a new name, which the mouth of the LORD will name. →

So, the sixty-third chapter of Isaiah, yada yada yada, God talks about how he trampled down his enemies and how they were no match for him. But, like, he wasn't doing it for himself, he was doing it for his people. →

Hey, all you non-believers out there. We've got some pretty wild news from Isaiah 64. Apparently, God's been a bit of a wild card lately, like he's been, you know, kind of tearing up the scene. He's been tearing up mountains and hills and even the whole earth is shaking, so you know it's serious. →

Hey, did you know that God has a plan for his people? Well, Isaiah 65 has all the details. First, God says he's gonna punish all the sinners who don't trust Him, but He's gonna reward the faithful. Then He talks about how He's gonna make a new heaven and earth and get rid of the old ones. →

Well folks, we've made it to the final chapter of Isaiah and I think we can all agree it's been quite a ride. In Isaiah 66, God reminds us that He is the ultimate judge and what he has created is not to be messed with. →