Well, this is a doozy. In Jeremiah 1, God tells Jeremiah that he has known him since before he was born and that he will be a prophet to the nations. He's like, "Hey, you're gonna be a prophet, and it's gonna be hard. →

Norm MacDonald here with the summary of Jeremiah 2. God explains that the people of Israel had forsaken Him, and were instead worshiping idols and foreign gods. He asks why they had done this, and why they had traded their glorious God for something else. →

Alright, folks, we're on to Jeremiah 3. God is mad at the Israelites for worshiping other gods and for all their other sins, and he tells them to repent. But they don't. So God tells them that if they repent, he'll forgive them, but if they don't, they'll be punished. →

Hey, all you folks out there in Bible-land, this is Norm MacDonald and I'm here with a recap of Jeremiah 4. So, the Lord commands Jeremiah to make a proclamation of judgment against Judah and Jerusalem. →

Well, folks, if you're looking for a cheerful chapter, you won't find it in Jeremiah 5. In this chapter, God tells Jeremiah to go and search through Jerusalem, and he finds that the people have become so wicked that they can't even recognize what sin is. →

Hey, in Jeremiah 6, it's God's got a bone to pick with his people. He's not too happy with their lack of faith, and he's not afraid to let them know it. He calls them to repentance, but it's too late — they've already gone off the rails. →

Well, folks, it's been a rough ride for the prophet Jeremiah in the Old Testament. In Jeremiah 7, he's pleading with the people to turn away from their wickedness and return to God. But, frankly, he's not too optimistic. →

Well, folks, in Jeremiah 8, we find God just steaming mad. He's railing against the people of Israel for their sins and the false prophets who have misled them. He says that the people are like a broken jar that can't be fixed, and he has no choice but to send them into exile. →

Well, folks, it's time to check in with our favorite Bible-thumper, Jeremiah. In Chapter 9, he's really going off the rails. He's fed up with all the lying and deceit in his beloved Jerusalem and is threatening to send the enemy in to destroy it. →

Hey, all you good people out there, this is Norm Macdonald with a summary of Jeremiah 10. So, what's the Word of the Lord this week? Well, Jeremiah is warning us to not worship other gods, because they're just dumb pieces of wood and metal. →

Well, folks, Jeremiah 11 is an interesting one. The Lord asks Jeremiah to make a covenant with the people of Israel and Judah, but they refuse. So the Lord is like, “Fine, then I’m gonna punish you.” Then the Lord tells Jeremiah not to pray for the people because he knows they’re not listening. →

Hey, guess what? In Jeremiah 12, God is mad at the people of Israel, because they're not following His commands. So He tells Jeremiah to tell them that they're gonna get what's coming to them, and it's not gonna be good. →

Hey, everyone! This week we have Jeremiah 13, and it's actually a real bummer. God's pretty mad at the people of Judah, because they're not listening to him. So he tells Jeremiah to get a linen belt, wear it around, and then hide it in a hole in the rocks. →

Ah, Jeremiah 14. You know what it's about? Drought. Yeah, it's about drought. God's not happy with his people, so he's like, "Hey, you know what's gonna happen? No rain. Yeah, no rain. That'll show 'em. →

Hey everyone, this is Jeremiah with the Bible Update. In Jeremiah 15, God is not feeling too great about his people because they are disobeying him. He says they will be ruined and scattered and no one will be around to help them. →

"Well, Jeremiah 16 is a real bummer. Basically, it's God telling Jeremiah to abstain from marriage and mourning the death of any family members, 'cause the Israelites are in for some tough times. But, boy, does God have a plan: He's gonna send a bunch of new folks over to Israel, and they're going to bring their own customs and traditions. →

Well, folks, in Jeremiah 17, God is not happy with his people. He's so mad at them, in fact, that he says they're more deceitful than the serpent in the Garden of Eden. Ouch. But, in his own special way, God also says he still loves them and he's still willing to forgive them if they repent. →

Well, folks, it's been a wild ride through the Bible, so why stop now? This week, we're looking at Jeremiah 18. It's a real doozy. In this chapter, God speaks to Jeremiah about a potter and his clay. God tells Jeremiah that just like the potter can break apart his clay and re-make it, so too can God do the same with his people. →

Well, folks, it's time to check in on Jeremiah 19. It's pretty much the same old stuff - God is mad at the people of Judah, and he's super-pissed about their idol worshiping and other bad behavior. So, as punishment, he's gonna send them into exile. →

Alright, alright, so Jeremiah 20. This chapter is all about Jeremiah moaning and groaning about the Lord punishing him for speaking out against the wickedness of the people of Judah. He’s complaining that the Lord has made him a laughingstock and that he’s tormented by the people’s taunts. →

Well, folks, it's been a wild ride through Jeremiah, and here we are at chapter 21. In this one, God tells the people of Jerusalem to surrender or face destruction. And I gotta tell you, God does not mince words. →

Well, folks, looks like we've got a real downer of a chapter this time around. In Jeremiah 22, the Lord says that the king of Judah is a bad dude, and the Lord's gonna make him pay. He's been a real jerk, so the Lord's gonna have him dragged away to Babylon. →

Well, here's the scoop, folks! In Jeremiah 23, God is not happy with the state of the world. He's mad at the people of Israel for their faithlessness, and he's mad at the false prophets for leading them astray. →

Alright, so it's Jeremiah 24. God shows Jeremiah two baskets of figs, one of them rotten and the other good. God says the rotten figs represent the people of Judah, who have gone off and worshiped idols, while the good figs represent those who have remained faithful. →

So, here's what went down in Jeremiah 25: Jeremiah is sent by God to tell the people of Judah that they're gonna get punished for not listening to God. God's gonna send a bunch of nations to attack 'em, and it's gonna be bad. →

Hey, everybody, it's Norm MacDonald here for Weekend Update. So, you ready for Jeremiah 26? This chapter is all about an important lesson: don't mess with the Lord's prophets. A prophet named Jeremiah is speaking to the people of Jerusalem, telling them to repent and turn back to God. →

Hey, everybody, it's Norm MacDonald here with your Biblical Saturday Update. In Jeremiah 27, we got a real doozy. The prophet Jeremiah warns Judah and its neighboring nations that their fate is in the hands of their God and not in their own hands. →

Hey, folks, it's Norm MacDonald here with a summary of Jeremiah 28. In this chapter, Jeremiah confronts this other prophet, Hananiah, who's all like, "Hey, the Israelites are gonna be back in the land in two years!" But Jeremiah's like, "Uh, no, they're not. →

Good evening everyone, and boy, do I have an update for you tonight. In Jeremiah 29, the prophet Jeremiah wrote a letter to the exiles in Babylon. He told them to settle down and make the best of their situation. →

Hey everyone, it's me, Norm MacDonald here with the rundown on Jeremiah 30. It's a real tear-jerker, you guys. All about God's promise that disaster won't last forever and that Israel will one day be healed. →

So, Jeremiah chapter 31, it starts with the Lord saying he will give Israel a new covenant, one not like the covenant he made with their ancestors when he brought them out of Egypt. Then, we get an image of a shepherd looking for his lost sheep, and then the Lord saying he will bring his people back from exile, and they will be fruitful and increase in number. →

Well, folks, Jeremiah 32 is a real doozy. This chapter is all about how Jeremiah has a vision where God tells him to buy a piece of land, even though he's in prison at the time. And, of course, his relatives are like, 'What the heck are you doing?' But Jeremiah's like, 'It's cool, God told me to. →

Hey, everyone, Norm MacDonald here, with a quick update on the goings-on in Jeremiah 33. So, God shows up to Jeremiah and says that He's gonna bring back the glory of Judah and Jerusalem, and He's gonna restore the kingdom of David, which sounds great, but then He follows that up by saying He's gonna give the people a righteous King and make sure there's justice and righteousness in the land, and that's even better! He also promises to give the people peace and prosperity and make sure the land is filled with good things. →

Well, folks, this is the chapter of Jeremiah where God gets a little angry with the people of Jerusalem. They had made a covenant with Him to free their slaves, but then they didn't follow through on it. →

Well, folks, if you thought the Bible was gonna lighten up on Jeremiah, you were wrong. In Chapter 35, he's back, still preaching to the House of the Rechabites and still getting the same response - complete and utter silence. →

Well, folks, in Jeremiah 36, we find the prophet Jeremiah dictating a scroll to his secretary Baruch. This scroll contains a warning of impending doom, but God instructs Jeremiah to read it out loud in front of all the nobles, priests and people. →

Alright, so here we go. In Jeremiah 37, we got Jeremiah chillin' in jail, or, as I like to call it, the ultimate home office. So, King Zedekiah's like, "Hey Jeremiah, why don't ya tell me what's gonna happen?" And Jeremiah's like, "You know what? I'm gonna predict ya gonna be captured by the Babylonians and taken away. →

So, folks, it looks like an ancient version of a hostage situation was going down in Jeremiah 38. King Zedekiah had the prophet Jeremiah thrown into a muddy cistern, and it looked like he was gonna stay there. →

Alright folks, this is Jeremiah 39. It's a real wild one. So, the Babylonians are invading Jerusalem and, yep, you guessed it, they're not taking prisoners. The King of Judah, Zedekiah, gets taken away and, get this, his sons get killed right in front of him. →

Well folks, Jeremiah 40 is a real barnburner. The chapter starts off with Jeremiah being freed after being held captive by the Babylonians. He's freed by a captain by the name of Nebuzaradan, and guess what? You'll never believe it: Nebuzaradan actually decides to let Jeremiah stay in the land of Judah! Wild, right? So Jeremiah gets to stay, and then Nebuzaradan tells him to go wherever he wants. →

Well, if you've been paying attention to the Bible, then you already know that Jeremiah 41 is a total bummer. Basically, things aren't going great for the Israelites, and their enemies the Babylonians are getting the better of them. →

So this chapter of Jeremiah is all about the Israelites asking their prophet, Jeremiah, what they should do since they’ve been exiled to Egypt. They’re like, “Should we stay here, or should we go back home?” And Jeremiah, being the wise prophet he is, says, “Stay put, my friends. →

Well, folks, it looks like Jeremiah is back in the book of Jeremiah, and this time, he's got a message from the Lord. Seems the Lord's less than pleased with the people of Judah, who are refusing to turn from their wickedness. →

Well, folks, Jeremiah 44 is a real snooze fest. God's got some harsh words for the Israelites who are still living in Egypt, despite the fact that he told them to leave. Basically, he's like "you can stay in Egypt, but the consequences are going to be dire. →

Well, hey there folks, it's Norm MacDonald here with a summary of the Bible book of Jeremiah, chapter 45. So, in this chapter God is talking to Jeremiah and basically says, "Hey, don't worry, it's all gonna be okay, I got your back", which is nice. →

Well, folks, it's gonna be a wild one. In the book of Jeremiah, Chapter 46, we find out that God is really mad at the nation of Egypt. He's sending an army to take them out. You heard it here first. But He's also mad at the other nations around them, so He's sending destruction to them too. →

Welcome to Weekend Update, I'm your host Norm MacDonald. In Jeremiah 47, we get a look at the prophecy of doom for the Philistines. God warns that the Philistines will be destroyed by the Babylonians and their cities will be laid to waste. →

"Ah, Jeremiah 48, what a disaster. So, Moab is getting punished for their arrogance and pride, by the way, and they don't take it well. They're so mad they threaten to throw rocks at the other cities, which is kind of a weird way to handle a situation. →

Hey everyone, this is Norm MacDonald here with the summary of Jeremiah 49. So here's what happened: The Lord was like, "Hey Babylon, get ready for the heat. I'm gonna punish you for your wickedness and for the way you treated my people, Israel. →

Jeremiah 50: This chapter is about God's judgement of the nation of Babylon for their sins. God says that Babylon will be punished and that their destruction will be complete and ruthless. Norm MacDonald take: "Well, looks like Babylon is gonna get what's coming to them. →

So, Jeremiah 51: This chapter talks about God's wrath against Babylon and is just a whole bunch of threats. God says the Babylonians are going to be destroyed and that their land is gonna be divided up among their enemies. →

Well, Jeremiah 52 is one for the history books, folks! It's all about the fall of Jerusalem, which happened when the Babylonians invaded in 587 BC. And it's a doozy. King Zedekiah and all the leaders of Jerusalem get thrown in prison and then taken to Babylon. →