Peter: So, uh, the Bible chapter we're talking about today is Jeremiah 1. Lois: Oh, okay. What's it about? Peter: Well, it's about this prophet named Jeremiah who God called to be a prophet when he was a young boy. →

Peter: Alrighty, so we're talkin' about Jeremiah. Lois: Yeah, he's God's prophet and he's been sent to deliver a message to the Israelites. Stewie: Oh, so he's like me, a messenger of doom. Brian: Ah, not quite. →

Peter: "Alright, this chapter of the Bible is all about Jeremiah 3. Like, God's mad at his people cuz they disobeyed him and he's like, 'Return to me and I'll forgive you and restore you!' But then their like, 'Nah, we're good'. →

Peter: Alright, so here's the scoop on Jeremiah 4 - God's warning everyone not to turn away from him, and if they don't, all sorts of bad stuff is gonna happen. Like, if you don't turn back to God, the land will be ruined, the cities will be destroyed, and the people will be scattered all over the place. →

Lois: Alright, so what's the deal with Jeremiah 5? Peter: Well Lois, it's pretty intense. God's really mad at the people of Judah for their worship of false gods and not following His laws. So He's going to punish them for it. →

Peter: Alright, everyone, let's get started on the summary for Jeremiah 6. Lois: Oh, no. Not Jeremiah again. Brian: I know, but I think it's important to get this one right. Stewie: What does it say? →

Peter: Alright guys, time for a summary of Jeremiah 7! Lois: Oh, I love this one! God says to the people of Judah, don’t think you can just come to the Temple and think you'll be safe. You have to stop breaking the covenant with God and live a righteous life, otherwise the Temple won’t save you. →

Peter: So, uh, Jeremiah 8. This one's about God being mad at the people of Judah and Israel for not following His instructions, right? Cleveland: Yeah, that's right. God says, uh, "How can you say you are not guilty? Look at your sins! You have rebelled against me. →

Peter: Alright, so this chapter of the Bible is about Jeremiah and he's all like, "Oh man, why does everyone gotta be so wicked? Like, why can't everyone just be a little more like me? Ya know?" Lois: Well, Peter, that's not quite what it says. →

Peter: Alright, so this is Jeremiah 10. Lois: It's time for another chapter-by-chapter summary of the Bible. Brian: I think this one is gonna be a real dud. Peter: Hey, you never know. The stuff in the Bible can get pretty wild. →

Peter: Alright, so this is Jeremiah 11, and here's what happened. God spoke to Jeremiah and said, "Listen to the terms of the covenant I made with the people of Israel. And the people said, 'Amen, we agree!' But then they started worshiping foreign gods, so God said, 'You're gonna get what's comin' to ya!' →

Peter: Alright, so in Jeremiah 12, God is talking to Jeremiah about how he's mad at the people of Israel. He's like, "Even the most innocent of animals have left the land because of my people's wickedness. →

Peter: Okay everyone, let's talk about Jeremiah 13. So, according to the Bible, God told Jeremiah to buy himself a linen belt and wear it around his waist. But then God told Jeremiah to go and hide the belt in a hole in the rocks. →

Lois: Alright, so what do we have for Jeremiah 14? Peter: Oh, I know this one! It's the one where the prophet Jeremiah is grieving over the drought and famine that's affecting the land of Judah. Lois: Oh yeah, that's right! He's asking God why these terrible things have happened to His people. →

Peter: Alright everyone, here's the summary of Jeremiah 15: Lois: Oh boy, what's it say? Peter: Well, God tells Jeremiah that if he repents, he will be saved. But if he doesn't, he will be destroyed. →

Peter: So, there's this chapter in the Bible, Jeremiah 16. Stewie: Let's see, what does it say? Peter: Well, Yahweh says that he's gonna bring a bunch of people from different nations to Israel, and they're gonna take over the land. →

Peter: Alright, so this is Jeremiah 17, right? Lois: Yes, Peter. Stewie: Ugh, more of this boring Bible stuff? Peter: Yeah, it's not exactly like watching the latest season of Stranger Things. Lois: (Rolls her eyes) Okay, so, according to this chapter, Jeremiah curses those who trust in human strength and intelligence, rather than relying on God. →

Peter: Alright, so in Jeremiah 18, God tells Jeremiah to go to the potter's house. He watches the potter, who messes up one of the pieces of clay he's working on. Lois: Wow, what a mess. Peter: Yeah, so God tells Jeremiah that just like the potter can rework the clay, He can also rework Israel if they turn back to Him. →

Peter: Alright, so Jeremiah 19 is all about God punishing the people of Judah for their wickedness. He's gonna do this by destroying their city of Jerusalem, and He's gonna do it through a foreign nation. →

Peter: Alright, so this is Chapter 20 of Jeremiah... Lois: What's it say? Peter: Well, it starts off with Jeremiah complaining about being persecuted for speaking God's words. Meg: Oh boy, here we go. Stewie: What's he gonna do? Peter: Well, for starters he's gonna curse the day of his birth. →

Peter: Alright, so here's Chapter 21 of Jeremiah. So, God told Jeremiah to go and tell the King of Judah that Jerusalem was gonna be destroyed and-- Brian: Wait, whoa, whoa, whoa, this is a Family Guy episode, not a Bible study! →

Lois: Alright, Peter, let's talk about Jeremiah 22. Peter: You mean that classic episode of Family Guy where Stewie gets a job at the local Kwik-E-Mart? Lois: No, Peter, this is a Bible chapter. Peter: Oh yeah, the book of Jeremiah. →

Peter: So what's the deal with Jeremiah 23? Lois: Well, Peter, this chapter talks about how God is going to bring forth a righteous branch and a King who will reign fairly and do justice and righteousness in the earth. →

Peter Griffin: Alright, so in Jeremiah 24, God warns the people of Judah, that if they don't repent of their sins, they'll be sent into exile. But if they do, it'll be like they're eating a basket of delicious fruit. →

1-14. Peter: Alright, so according to the Bible, in Jeremiah 25:1-14, this prophet dude named Jeremiah is telling the people that God is gonna punish them for their wickedness. Lois: Wait, what did they do? →

Lois: Alright, so what have we got for Jeremiah 26? Peter: Oh boy, I love this one. It's all about how Jeremiah was preaching to the people in Jerusalem and they got so mad that they were gonna kill him! →

Peter: "Alright, this is Jeremiah 27. So, it's all about God telling the kings of Judah that they have to submit to the yoke of Babylon and that God will have mercy on them if they do. Also, God says that any false prophets that are saying anything different are actually working for the devil. →

Peter: Alright, uhh, chapter 28 of Jeremiah: So this false prophet Hananiah is like, "Hey, God's gonna bring the people of Israel back to their homeland soon!" Lois: Oh, that's nice. Brian: But then God's like, "Nah, actually, it's gonna be 70 years of exile. →

Peter Griffin: Alright, so this one is about the prophet Jeremiah. He's writing a letter to the exiles in Babylon, telling them to settle there and build houses and stuff. He's also saying that God is gonna bring them back to Jerusalem after a few years. →

Lois: Alright, so what do we have here? Peter: It's Jeremiah 30! Brian: Ah, the classic 'prophecy of doom' chapter. Stewie: Yes, the one where God explains the horrible punishment He will inflict on the Israelites if they don't repent. →

STEWIE: Alright, so this is Jeremiah 31. Basically, God's gonna be like, "I'm gonna bring the people of Israel back to their homeland." BRIAN: Wow, that's a pretty cool thing to do. MEG: Yeah, and it's gonna be good for them. →

Peter: Alright, so in this chapter of the Bible, God tells Jeremiah to go buy a piece of land, even though the people of Israel were in exile. Lois: Um, that's it? Brian: No, that's not it. God also told Jeremiah to bear witness and testify to the people of Israel that He would bring them back to the land (which He did, eventually). →

Peter: Alright, so here's the scoop on Jeremiah 33: The Lord says there's gonna be a time of great peace and prosperity, with Jerusalem being rebuilt and the people of Israel living in safety. Lois: And there's gonna be a new kind of king, one who will always be around to make sure everything's going well. →

1-7 Stewie: Okay, so in Jeremiah 34:1-7, the Lord says that Zedekiah, the king of Judah, made a covenant with all the people of Jerusalem to set their slaves free. Peter: Wait, why would they do that? →

Peter: Alright, here's the summary of Jeremiah 35! So, uh, it's about this dude named Jehoiakim. He's the king of Judah and he's not keeping with the covenant God made with the people. So God sends this prophet, Jeremiah, to talk to the Rechabites. →

Peter (as the narrator): So, uh, this is the book of Jeremiah, chapter 36. Lois: Oh, what's it about? Peter: Well, it's about how King Jehoiakim burned the scroll of Jeremiah's prophecies, but then Jeremiah wrote it all down again. →

Peter: Alright, here we go. Hey, so this chapter in Jeremiah is about when King Zedekiah of Judah went to Babylon to meet with the Babylonian King Nebuchadnezzar. Brian: But wait, wasn't that the same guy from the Transformers movies? →

Peter (as Jeremiah): So, I'm the prophet, Jeremiah, and in chapter 38, the King of Judah, Zedekiah, has me thrown into a deep pit filled with mud. I'm pretty sure I'm about to die, but then this dude, Ebed-Melech, shows up and he's like, "Hey, don't worry, I'll get you out of here!" So he goes to the king and tells him to let me out. →

Lois: Alright, so what did Jeremiah 39 say? Peter: Uh, it said something about Babylonians coming in and taking over and sacking Jerusalem, and then the people were taken captive and deported. Stewie: Oh, like that movie “Taken”? →

Peter: Alright, so in Jeremiah 40, we find out that Babylon has been defeated, and some of the Israelites are being allowed to return home. Lois: Oh, that's great news! Stewie: Yes, but there's a catch. →

Peter Griffin: Okay, so in Jeremiah 41, there's this guy called Ishmael who murders a bunch of people and then escapes to the Ammonites. Stewie Griffin: *Scoffs* Get out of here, Ishmael. Lois Griffin: Actually, Stewie, Ishmael is the son of Abraham, so he's part of the Biblical lineage. →

Peter: Alright, so what we got here is Jeremiah 42. It's all about the people of Judah asking Jeremiah for advice about whether they should stay in Judah or go to Egypt. Lois: Ugh, I'm so confused. Is it like the same as the question of whether or not to get Netflix? →

Peter: Alright, so in Jeremiah 43, Pharaoh Neco of Egypt's marching an army towards Jerusalem, and God tells Jeremiah to tell Baruch to go with them. Brian: Wait, who's Baruch? Lois: He's Jeremiah's scribe. →

Peter: Okay, so in Jeremiah 44, it starts off with the Lord saying that He's gonna punish the people of Judah for not listening to Him. Then it goes on to say that the people are worshipping other gods, and burning incense and offerings to them. →

Brian: Peter, did you know that Jeremiah 45 is all about Baruch, a scribe for Jeremiah? Peter: Whoa, sounds like someone's been reading their Bible. Brian: Hey, I'm just trying to stay informed. Anyways, Baruch is really discouraged and he's lamenting his life, so God tells him to not be so discouraged and that he and his descendants will still have a good future. →

Lois: Alright, so what are we up to? Peter: Oh, I think it's Jeremiah 46... Lois: Oh yeah, the one about the Lord giving a warning about the armies of Egypt coming against the people of Judah? Stewie: Yeah, something like that. →

Peter: Alright, so Jeremiah 47. Let's see. So, uh, it starts out with the Lord telling Jeremiah to prophesy against the Philistines for their attack on Gaza. He says that a great tumult is coming from the north, and it's gonna be like a hurricane. →

Peter: So, according to Jeremiah 48, God's gonna bring big trouble to the city of Moab and its capital, Kir Moab. Brian: Oh, wow. That's not good. Lois: Moabites gonna have a rough time of it. Stewie: Yeah, like when the Raptors took the last shot in game 6 of the Eastern Conference Finals against the Bucks. →

Peter: Alright, so in Jeremiah 49, we learn that God is gonna punish the people of Ammon, Moab, Edom, Damascus, and Kedar. Lois: Yeah, and God's told Jeremiah to go and tell them all to get ready for some major destruction. →

Peter: Alright, so Jeremiah 50... Boy, this one's a doozy. Let's see, it's about the fall of Babylon and the restoration of Israel. God's saying he's gonna punish Babylon for the wrongs they done against Israel and restore the Israelites back to their homeland. →

Peter: Alright, this is Jeremiah 51. So, the Lord says Babylon will be destroyed, and their idols will be smashed. Oh, and the Lord says the people of Israel will be saved from the Babylonians. Lois: Oh my goodness, that's terrible! →

Peter: Alright, so the book of Jeremiah, Chapter 52. Lois: Yeah, and this is gonna be like the other ones, right? Peter: Yeah, you know me, Lois. I'm a sucker for an old-school bible story. So, in this chapter, the Babylonians are attacking Jerusalem, and the people are all like "Oh no, what are we gonna do?" But then King Zedekiah is all like "Wait, I know what to do!" He's like "Let's try to escape!" So he did, but the Babylonians caught up to him and were like "Hey, you're coming with us". →