Peter: Alright, so, Ezekiel 1. Basically, this guy Ezekiel had a vision of four huge things, kind of like 'The Avengers' but with creatures instead of people. They each had four wings and four faces, plus legs like a calf and hooves like a bull. →

Peter: Alright, so this is Ezekiel 2. Turns out Ezekiel's in for a real wild ride. He's sent by God with a message for the Israelites, and God turns him into some sort of superman, like Superman but even cooler. →

Peter: Alright, Ezekiel 3. So, God appointed Ezekiel as a watchman over the nation of Israel. He told him to warn the people of their sin and that if they didn't repent, God would punish them. Brian: Oh, like the episode of SpongeBob where he tried to warn everyone about the giant bubble? →

[Peter] Alrighty, so this Ezekiel 4 is about God telling Ezekiel to lay siege to Jerusalem. He literally tells him to build a clay model of the city wall, and put a bunch of siege weapons like battering rams and siege towers around it, and lay siege to it. →

[Peter Griffin] So we're talkin' about Ezekiel Chapter 5, right? Ok, so the Lord tells Ezekiel to get a sharp razor and shave his head and beard. Then he's gotta divide the hair into three parts and burn one part with fire, strike another part with a sword and scatter the last part to the wind. →

Peter: Alright, so Ezekiel 6. Uhh, so it starts with God saying that the people of Israel have been really bad, like really really bad, so he's gonna punish them by destroying their altars and their idols and all that stuff. →

Peter: Alright, so Ezekiel 7! So, God's all like, "Hey, Ezekiel, I'm mad about how the people of Israel keep disobeying me, so I'm gonna punish 'em. No more mercy, no more grace - it's time for judgment day!" →

Peter: Alright, so Ezekiel 8 is all about Ezekiel having a vision of abominations that were being done in the Temple at Jerusalem. Lois: Oh yeah, like when the high priest put on the Michael Jackson glove and started moonwalking? →

Stewie: "Alright, everyone gather 'round! I've got the summary of Ezekiel 9. So apparently God sent an angel to mark some people's foreheads with a mark of protection. Can you believe that? It's like, 'Hey, you're safe, but everyone else is screwed!' Bazinga!" →

Peter: Alright, Ezekiel 10. Sounds like a winner. Alright, so Ezekiel is in this big temple, and he sees these four wheels. Lois: Wheels? What kind of wheels? Peter: Yeah, like, regular wheels, but they're full of eyes or something. →

Peter (narrating): Alright, folks, it's time for another exciting chapter of the Bible. This week, we're lookin' at Ezekiel 11. Lois: What's it about, Peter? Peter: Well, Lois, it's about God telling Ezekiel to prophesy against the people of Jerusalem. →

Peter: Alright, folks, buckle up, 'cause it's time for another chapter of the Bible! Let's see what Ezekiel 12 is all about! Lois: Wait, don't forget the non-sequitur pop culture references! Brian: Alright, here we go. →

Brian: Alright, so Ezekiel 13… God: It's time to get biblical, folks! Peter: Oh boy, here we go! God: So, Ezekiel 13 starts off with a prophecy about false prophets who are lying about me. They're going to be punished for leading my people astray. →

Peter: Alright, so this is Ezekiel 14. God tells Ezekiel that the people of Israel have been wicked, so he's gonna have to warn them that they're gonna get smited if they don't shape up. Lois: Smited? What kind of language is that? →

Peter: Alright, I'm reading Ezekiel 15, and it's all about this fruitless vine tree. Lois: That sounds delicious. Peter: No, not really. It's about how the people of Jerusalem have trusted in false idols and that God is going to let their city be destroyed. →

Brian: Alright, so Ezekiel 16: It starts off with God reminding the people of Jerusalem of all the good things He did for them, like giving them nice clothing and jewelry. Stewie: Like that time I got my first pair of diamond earrings? →

Quagmire: Alright, so this chapter is about Ezekiel and this mysterious eagle. Peter: Yeah, he's like a bald eagle but with a killer 'stache. Lois: Peter, that's not what this is about. Quagmire: Okay, okay. →

Peter: Alright, so in Ezekiel 18, we're talking about how God is totally cool with you not being like your parents and all that jazz. Lois: Oh, so it's like that old saying, "You don't have to be like your parents?" →

Peter: Okay, so Ezekiel 19, like all the other chapters, is about God's wrath. But this one does it in the form of a lament for a lioness and her cubs. Lois: So, like, God is mad at some lionesses? →

Peter: Alright, let's see what's happening in Ezekiel 20...oooooooh, it's a fiery judgement of Israel! Lois: Sounds like something out of Game of Thrones! Brian: No, we're talking about Ezekiel - lots of rules and regulations here, no dragons! →

Peter: Alright, so Ezekiel 21 is about a sword that's comin' for everyone. Lois: Oh no, the sword of judgment! Brian: Yeah, it's gonna bring destruction and chaos, like the last season of Game of Thrones. →

Peter: Alright, so Ezekiel 22- it's about a city that's been unfaithful and polluted by bloodshed. God: Yeah, there's a lot of sin and injustice in the city. It's so bad that I'm about to punish it for its wickedness! →

Peter: Alright, so Ezekiel 23... Uh, there's this lady named Oholah and Oholibah and they're sisters, and they both start prostituting themselves to other nations. Lois: Oh, Peter! Peter: What? It's in the Bible! Anyway, God is pretty angry about this, so he punishes them both. →

Peter: Alright, so this guy Ezekiel, he's like a prophet, right? Lois: Right. Peter: Okay, so he's about to tell this prophecy about Babylon and all this stuff. Lois: Right. Peter: So he's like: 'This is what the Lord God says: "Woe to the city of Babylon! Look, it's a pot and it's boiling over. →

Peter: Alright so Ezekiel 25...So, get this. God was really mad at the Philistines for all the trouble they caused, so He decided to punish them by attacking their land with storms and stuff. Lois: Uh-huh, and what's the punchline? →

Stewie: [Sitting in front of a TV, watching a historical documentary] Oh, this must be the episode about Ezekiel 26! Brian: [Rolls his eyes] Oh no, not this again. Stewie: Hey, this is important, Brian! It's all about the siege of Tyre and how it was destroyed by the Babylonians. →

Peter: Alright, this is Ezekiel 27, and it's all about a lamentation for Tyre. Joe: Tyre? Is that a tire company? Peter: No, it's a city. The Lord is saying it's going to be destroyed. Quagmire: Oh, that's too bad. →

Peter: Alright, so Ezekiel 28. It's about a guy named Ezekiel who is talking directly to the King of Tyre. He's like, "Hey King, you think you're all mighty and powerful - but you're not!" Lois: And then he goes on to say that the King is actually just a man, no different than any other. →

Peter: Alright, so let's see what Ezekiel 29 is about. Meg: Ugh, why do we keep reading this stuff? Brian: Meg, pay attention. This chapter is about the prophecy against Egypt, and God's promise to restore it. →

Peter: Alright, so this chapter is about Ezekiel talking about the punishment God is gonna bring to Egypt. He says that a bunch of their cities are gonna be destroyed and their people will be taken into exile. →

Peter: Alright, so Ezekiel 31—Ezekiel was like a prophet guy, right? Lois: Uh, yeah, Peter. Peter: Anyways, it's about how the Pharaoh of Egypt is like a big, tall tree that reaches up to the sky, but then God cuts it down, like a big ol' lumberjack. →

Peter: Alright, so Ezekiel 32 starts off with God saying he's gonna bring a bunch of nations against Egypt to mess them up real bad, and then he's gonna turn them into a place where wild animals will roam. →

Peter: Alright, so Ezekiel 33...Brian, you got the summary? Brian: Sure do, Peter. So, this chapter is all about God sending Ezekiel to warn the people of Jerusalem that they need to turn from their wickedness or else face destruction. →

Peter: Alright, so this Ezekiel 34 is about sheep, right? Lois: That's right, Peter. God is saying that he's going to be the shepherd of his people, and that he will search for them, and rescue them from wherever they may be. →

Peter: Alright, so Ezekiel 35. According to the Bible, God tells Ezekiel to go to Mount Seir and prophesy against it. He says that Mount Seir will be desolate, and its towns will be destroyed. He also says that Edom will be filled with sorrow and that its people will suffer. →

Peter: Alright, so Ezekiel 36 is all about God's promise to the Israelites that they will be restored to their homeland. Lois: That's right, Peter. God tells them not to be discouraged because He will restore them and make them prosperous. →

Peter: Alright, so Ezekiel 37. Lois: Oh, what's it about, Peter? Peter: It's about how God brings the dry bones of the Israelites back to life, and then He puts a new spirit in them. Meg: Like the movie "Weekend at Bernie's"? Peter: Yeah, kinda like that. →

Peter: Alright, so this chapter's about Ezekiel 38. So, it starts off by God telling Ezekiel that some big bad guy from the north, Gog, is gonna come attack Israel with a bunch of allies. Lois: Gog? That sounds like the villain in a 90's video game. →

Brian: Alright, so in Ezekiel 39, Meg, God is gonna punish the Israelites' enemies. Meg: Ugh, God's so mean! Peter: Yeah, but that's the way it goes when you make a deal with the devil. Stewie: I'm pretty sure the devil wouldn't be involved in this chapter. →

Peter: Alright, so Ezekiel 40... Now let's see here. Ahh, right, so it starts off with God showing Ezekiel this vision of a city with a wall that's totally sweet. Lois: Yeah, like in the movie The Wall, starring Pink Floyd? →

Peter: Alright, so in this chapter of the Bible, Ezekiel is taken to the inner court of the temple to check out a room there. Lois: Wow, sounds exciting. Peter: Yeah, he's shown the measurements of everything, like the walls, the doors, and the vestibule. →

Peter: Alright, so this Ezekiel 42 is about these measurements for the temple, right? Lois: Yeah, and it says that the Temple shall have a wall round about it, and the length of the building shall be a hundred cubits, and the breadth fifty cubits. →

Lois: Alright everyone, let's take a look at Ezekiel 43. Peter: Ah, Ezekiel! That's the show with the old Jewish guy right? Lois: No, Peter, that's Seinfeld. Peter: Oh yeah, that show's hilarious. But I still don't get why they call it 'The Soup Nazi'. →

Peter: Alright, you guys, it's time for the summary of Ezekiel 44! Lois: Oh boy, I can't wait to hear it! Peter: Alright, so in Ezekiel 44, God is talking to the prophet Ezekiel and says that He will set apart the temple for Himself and the Levitical priests will be the ones to serve in it. →

Peter (narrating): Alright, here's the deal with this Ezekiel 45 chapter. So, God tells Ezekiel that he's gonna be like a prince, and he's gonna have some land for himself. Lois: Ah, so he's like a king? →

Peter: Alright, guys, let's talk about Ezekiel 46. Brian: Well, it starts off with God talking about how the prince will sacrifice to Him. Stewie: Yeah, and then the prince is allowed to enter the temple on the Sabbath and on new moons, and he's gotta bring the proper sacrifices and offerings. →

Peter: Alright, so in Ezekiel 47, we got a river flowin' from the temple. Lois: Oooh, sounds romantic. Stewie: Yeah, unless it's the river of 1,000 corpses from The Mummy Returns. Brian: Uhh, yeah, that's not what's happening here. →

Peter: Alright folks, it's time for a summary of Ezekiel 48 with a Family Guy twist! Stewie: Commence the non sequitur pop culture references! Peter: So, the chapter starts out with the Lord mapping out the boundaries of the land of Israel, and giving specific instructions for dividing up the land among the twelve tribes. →