Peter: Alright, so Proverbs 1. Uh, let's see, "The proverbs of Solomon, son of David, king of Israel." Lois: Wow, Solomon was a wise king. Peter: Yeah, he was pretty smart. But I'm sure he was totally lame compared to me. →

1-15. Peter: Alright, so, Proverbs 2:1-15. Alright, so it starts off with "My son, if you accept my words and store up my commands within you, turning your ear to wisdom and applying your heart to understanding. →

Peter: Alright, so the book of Proverbs is a real snooze-fest until you get to Chapter 3. That's when things get really interesting. This is when it talks about wisdom and understanding and all that stuff. →

(Peter) Alright fellas, let's talk about Proverbs 4. It's like a fortune cookie, but from God. It starts off with some wise advice from Dad--err, God. He's like "Listen up, kids. Pay attention to my wisdom and you can have a long and happy life. →

Peter: Alright, here's the summary for Proverbs 5. Basically, it's all about how you should stay away from adulterous women, and how it's bad to be a cheater. I mean, it's like, don't go for the bad apples, y'know? →

Peter: Alright everybody, it's time for a recap of Proverbs 6! So, this chapter says that a sluggard is someone too lazy to do anything, and that you should stay away from them. Also, it says not to be a thief, and that bad company is like a nail sticking up - it's gonna get hammered down. →

Peter (narrating): Alright, so here's the summary of Proverbs 7. Lois: Wow! What's it about? Peter: Well, it's about wisdom and the importance of avoiding temptation. It tells a story of a young man who is warned about the danger of seductive women. →

Peter: Alright, kids, let's get this Bible summary started! So, Proverbs 8 is about wisdom, and it's personified in a woman called Lady Wisdom. Lois: Ooh, sounds like some sultry business! Brian: Lady Wisdom is a pretty wise lady, and she's telling everyone to come and get some of that knowledge. →

Peter: Alrighty, let's talk about Proverbs 9! Lois: What's it about? Peter: Well, it's about wisdom, and how it's better than foolishness. Wisdom is portrayed as a woman, and she has built a house and invited everyone to come and get it. →

Peter: Alright, so Proverbs 10. Let's see. Lois: Oh boy. Here we go. Peter: Oh yeah! So we start off with "A wise son brings joy to his father, but a foolish son brings grief to his mother." Stewie: That's a pretty deep thought, considering Family Guy is usually just a bunch of pop culture references and fart jokes. →

Peter: Alright, so in Proverbs 11, we learn about the power of wisdom and righteousness. Lois: Wait, is this the part where it says, "In the multitude of words there wanteth not sin"? Peter: Yeah, that's it. →

Stewie: Alright, this is Proverbs 12. Peter: What is it, Stewie? Stewie: Well, it says that 'Whoever loves discipline loves knowledge, but whoever hates correction is stupid.' Which is why I never watch the show 'The Big Bang Theory. →

Peter: Alright everyone, let's get down to business. We're summarizing Proverbs 13. Brian: Wait, the Bible?! Stewie: Yeah, and it's gonna be just like an episode of Family Guy! Lois: *Rolls eyes* Okay, let's get started. →

Peter: Alright, here's Proverbs 14. Stewie: Let me guess, it's about the importance of getting a good night's sleep? Peter: No, that's Proverbs 3:24. This one's about wisdom. Stewie: So, like, don't get a tattoo of the entire cast of Cheers? Peter: Uhh, no, that's not in here. →

Peter: Alright, so Proverbs 15. Let's see here. Uh, it says that "A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger". Lois: Oh, I'm sure that's true! Stewie: (interrupting) Yeah, like that time I said "your face looks like a potato" and then Brian got mad at me! →

Peter: Alright, so this Proverbs 16 thingy starts off with "The plans of the heart belong to man, but the answer of the tongue is from the Lord." Lois: So, like, God's always got the last word? Brian: It's like when Stan Lee used to write the last panel of the comic book. →

Peter: Alright, so Proverbs 17. Stewie: Oh, great. Peter: Yeah, uh, so it starts off with, "Better a dry morsel with quiet than a house full of feasting with strife." Stewie: Uh-oh, sounds like the last time I ordered Chinese takeout. →

Peter: Alright, so this one is Proverbs 18. It's all about talking, right? Lois: Uhh, sure, I guess so? Brian: Yeah, it's got a lot of sayings about how your words can affect your life; like, "The words of a gossip are like choice morsels. →

Peter: So what do we got here? Proverbs 19? Lois: Yeah, this chapter talks about how wisdom is better than wealth, and how it's important to listen to advice. Brian: Yeah, and it also talks about how it's better to be patient than to be proud, and how it's important to be kind and generous. →

Peter: Alright, so Proverbs 20... Brian: Yeah, let's see here. Here's the deal: don't get too cocky, 'cause pride comes before a fall. Peter: Ooh, like when I tried to drive the ship on that cruise we took? Quagmire: Yeah, Peter, and don't be too sure of yourself, 'cause you can be tricked by the wrong people! Peter: Like that time I thought the new iPhone was a banana? Lois: Alright, let's try to stay on topic. →

Peter: Hey, so what's the summary for Proverbs 21? Lois: Well, Peter, Proverbs 21 is about the kings and princes of the land. It says that the king's heart is in the hand of the Lord, and He directs it like a stream of water. →

Lois: Alright, so what do we have here? Proverbs 22. Peter: Oh boy. This one's gonna be a doozy. Brian: What do you mean? Peter: Well, the proverb says "A good name is to be chosen rather than great riches. →

Peter: Alrighty, let's see here. Proverbs 23! Uh, "When you sit to dine with a ruler, note well what is before you, and put a knife to your throat if you are given to gluttony". Lois: Sounds like someone had a bad experience at an Olive Garden. →

Peter: Alright, so this chapter is Proverbs 24, and it basically says that a wise man is careful and considers the future, but the foolish man is reckless and doesn't think things through. Lois: Yeah, like when you decided to buy that boat with our savings, Peter! →

Peter: Alright, so Proverbs 25. Here we go! Lois: Like it's written in the Bible, "These too are proverbs of Solomon, which the men of Hezekiah king of Judah copied." Brian: Wow, sounds like a real page turner. →

Peter: Alright, so Proverbs 26. Stewie, what have we got? Stewie: Uh, like all proverbs, it's full of gems of wisdom. Like, uh, "Like a sparrow in its flitting, like a swallow in its flying, a curse that is causeless does not alight. →

Peter: Alright, so chapter 27 of Proverbs is all about serving up some good old-fashioned wisdom. "Don't boast about tomorrow, for you don't know what a day may bring." Lois: Yeah, like in the movie 'Zoolander' when Mugatu says, "Who knows what the future holds?!" →

Peter: Alright, so this Proverbs 28: it starts off with a pretty wise proverb, "The wicked flee when no one pursues, but the righteous are as bold as a lion." Lois: Hm, I like it! Stewie: Oh, yeah, me too! I can totally relate. →

18 Peter: So, Proverbs 29:18 says "Where there is no vision, the people perish." Lois: Wow, that's a pretty deep thought. Brian: Yeah, I'm sure the ancient Greeks would've been proud. Stewie: Yeah, you know, like in that movie with Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie. →

Lois: Alright, let's see here. Proverbs 30. (glances at the Bible) Peter: Uh oh, I think we're about to get a lecture. Lois: (sighs) Don't be so melodramatic. It's just a chapter in the Bible. Peter: But it's Proverbs, the wisdom chapter. →

10-31. Peter: Alright, so Proverbs 31 says, "A wife of noble character who can find? She is worth far more than rubies." Lois: Wait, so you're saying a woman is worth more than money? Peter: Yeah, yeah. →