Peter: Alright, so Leviticus 1 is all about animal sacrifices. Stewie: Animal sacrifices? Like, sacrificing animals to some kind of ancient deity, like an old-timey version of me sacrificing a hamster to the old gods? →

Peter: Alright, so Leviticus 2. God's all like, "OK, so when you bring me an offering of grain, it should be fine flour, mixed with oil and frankincense. And it shouldn't be cooked in a microwave, it should be baked in an oven. →

Peter: Alright, so Leviticus 3. Alright, so it's about sacrifices and stuff. You know, like when Lois said she wanted to make a sacrifice to keep Stewie in line? Brian: Yeah, that was a great episode. And in this chapter, it says that if you want to make a sacrifice to the Lord, it can be either a bull, a sheep, or a goat. →

Peter (as narrator): So, in Leviticus Chapter 4, the Lord speaks to Moses about the punishment for the sin offering for any of the common people who unknowingly sin. Lois: Oh, like that time I accidentally ate Peter's last donut? →

Peter: Okay, so in Leviticus 5, we read about how God told the Israelites to bring a guilt offering to the Lord if they sinned or committed some kind of wrongdoing. Lois: Oh, like if they wronged someone, they had to make it right by offering a sacrifice? →

Peter: Alright, here's the summary for Leviticus 6: God tells Aaron and his sons, the priests, how to act when someone makes a special offering. That means they have to burn part of it on the altar, and the rest they get to eat. →

Peter: Okay, so Leviticus 7. Lois, you wanna take this one? Lois: Sure, Peter. So, this chapter is all about the regulations regarding animal sacrifices. It says that the priests have to present parts of the sacrifice to the Lord and keep the rest for themselves. →

Peter: Alright, so here's Leviticus 8. Basically, Moses and Aaron put together a special ceremony, like a ritual, for consecrating the priests. Lois: Oh, like an initiation ceremony? Peter: Yeah, something like that. →

Peter (as narrator): In Leviticus 9, God tells Aaron to make a burnt offering and a sin offering. Aaron does as God commands, and a pleasing aroma rises up to the Lord. Lois: Wow, that sounds nice. Brian: Yeah, like the smell of a new iPhone! →

Peter: Hey, Lois. I've been reading the Bible and I just got to the book of Leviticus. Lois: What happened? Peter: Well, there was this story about a couple of priests, Aaron and his sons Nadab and Abihu, and they decided to offer up a strange fire that God had not commanded them to offer. →

Peter: Alright, so Leviticus 11 is about the laws of clean and unclean animals. Unclean animals include, like, camels and rabbits and pigs. Lois: Oh, so like, no bacon sandwiches then? Peter: Exactly! But, you can eat animals like cows, sheep, goats, deer, and, uh, wild goats. →

Peter: Alright, so the chapter starts off with God giving instructions about the purification process for women after giving birth. Lois: Wow, okay. So what's the process? Peter: Well, for a boy, the mother has to wait seven days then she has to bring two birds or two lambs or a pair of turtledoves or pigeons to the priest. →

Peter: Alright, so Leviticus 13. Let's see, it's all about... skin diseases! Brian: Skin diseases? Like, the kind of thing that happens when you don't wear sunscreen? Peter: Uh... kinda, yeah. It's about how to identify a skin disease, what to do when you encounter one, and how to prevent it. →

Peter: Alright, so let's see what we got goin' on here in Leviticus 14. So, uh... like, first off there's like, a bunch of instructions for cleansing someone who's been afflicted by leprosy. Meg: Gross. →

Peter: Alright, so according to Leviticus 15, it's all about, uh, [clears throat] uh, you know, being clean. No touching of Unclean things, that sort of thing. Lois: Wow, okay. Brian: Ah, yeah, it's actually about how to handle bodily discharges and other related impurities. →

Peter: Alright, so Leviticus 16 is all about the Day of Atonement. Lois: Ah, so this is about God forgiving our sins? Peter: Yeah, but it's a little bit more complicated than that. Basically, Aaron, the high priest, was supposed to offer two goats as a sacrifice and then send one into the wilderness. →

Peter: Hey Meg, did you read Leviticus 17? Meg: Ugh, why would I do that? That's like watching the entire Lord of the Rings trilogy back-to-back-to-back. Peter: Well, you have to if you want to understand the Bible. →

Peter: Alright, so Leviticus 18. Here we go. So, this chapter basically starts off with God telling the Israelites that they need to follow his laws and not do any of the disgusting practices that the Egyptians and Canaanites were doing. →

Peter: Alright, so what's this one about? Lois: Well, Leviticus 19 is all about living a holy life. It talks about how to treat your neighbor and how to observe the Sabbath. Peter: Oh yeah, that reminds me of that classic 70s movie, "Sabbath Day's Vacation" with Chevy Chase. →

Peter: Alright, so in Leviticus 20, God is really mad about some stuff. Lois: Like what? Peter: Well, he starts out by telling the Israelites that they must not turn to idols, practice divination, and they must not turn to mediums, or they will be cut off from the community. →

Peter: "Alright, this chapter is Leviticus 21! Let's see what it's about ... uh ... oh boy, it's about the priests and how they should maintain their holiness. They can't marry a divorced woman or a prostitute, and they must keep their hair cut short. →

Peter: Alright, so Leviticus 22 is about how priests should stay holy and keep themselves from being defiled. Lois: Yeah, and it's all about not eating certain kinds of animals, like pigs and stuff. Also, you can't drink wine or eat any food that's made with blood. →

Peter: Alright, so Leviticus 23. This is a real doozy. So, it's all about God's appointed festivals. Lois: Oh, like the festival of Fools? Peter: No, not like that, Lois. These are the ones God is giving us. →

Peter: Alright, Leviticus 24. This one's about a fight between two Israelites, and the punishment for it. Lois: Uh huh. So, what happened? Peter: Well, it seems that one of the guys was an Israelite, and he cursed God's name. →

Peter: Alright, so this chapter of the Bible is Leviticus 25. It's all about how people should live with each other, how to work the land, how to treat each other, and... something about a Jubilee? Lois: Yeah, something about that. →

Peter: "Ok kids, time for bible study. We're gonna be talking about Leviticus 26: 'If you follow my decrees and are careful to obey my commands, I will send you rain in its season, and the ground will yield its crops and the trees their fruit. →

Peter: Alright, this chapter is Leviticus 27. It's all about, uh, what do you call it, Meg? Meg: Tithes of the land, dad. Peter: Right, tithes of the land. So, basically it's saying that the Israelites had to give 10 percent of their crops and all that good stuff. →