Peter: Okay, so here's the deal. Judges 1 starts off with the Israelites asking the Lord if they should go out and conquer the land of Canaan. So the Lord says, "Yes, go out and conquer it!" Lois: Then they decide to divide the land up among the 12 tribes, and they start to take over the different cities. →

Peter: Alright, so this chapter of the Bible starts in the land of Canaan, and the angel of the Lord is all like: "I brought you out of Egypt, but you have not obeyed my commands. So I'm gonna let these other nations take over. →

Peter: Alright, so Judges 3. Uh, where to start? Oh, I got it! It's about a guy named Ehud who had a message from God to give to a wicked king. So he goes to the king and tells him he has a message from God, but then he pulls out a sword and kills him! →

Peter: Alright, so in Judges 4, Deborah was a prophet and judge who helped the people of Israel fight against the Canaanites. Lois: Wait, was that the Battle of the Five Armies, like in The Hobbit? Peter: No, no, that was different. →

Lois: Alright, so Chapter 5 of Judges starts out with Deborah and Barak singing about their victory against Sisera and his army. Peter: Wait a minute, is this when that song from Frozen comes in? Lois: No, Peter. →

[Peter Griffin as Gideon] Gideon: Alright, so in Judges 6, the Lord comes to me and says, "Go in the strength you have and save Israel from the Midianites. I will be with you." So I tear down my dad's Baal altar and chop down the Asherah pole, and the people are all like, "Dude, you're gonna get it for that!" But the Lord says to me, "Hey, don't worry, I'm sending you on a mission, so you'll be just fine. →

Brian: Alright, so, in Judges 7 we got Gideon leading an army against the Midianites, right? Stewie: Right. So Gideon convinces the Lord to let him fight the Midianites with only 300 soldiers, and the Lord agrees. →

Peter: Alright, so this is Judges 8. Gideon: So, Gideon and his men defeat the Midianites and then he goes to the town of Succoth and Penuel and demands food and stuff for his men. Peter: So what does he do with the kings of Midian? →

[Scene opens in the Griffin family living room. Lois, Peter, Meg and Chris are sitting together watching TV.] Lois: Alright, it's time for another chapter of the Bible. It's Judges 9! Peter: Oh boy, I love Judge Judy! →

Peter: Hey Lois, have you heard about Judges 10? Lois: Yeah, I think it’s something about a guy named Jephthah being a judge in Israel. Peter: Well, I don’t know about that, but it does say that the people of Israel were doing evil in the eyes of the Lord and were worshiping the false gods of the Ammonites. →

Peter: Alright, so Judges 11. Let's see here. So, Jephthah is on the scene and he's like, "Hey, King of Ammon, why you messin' with me? I didn't even do nothin'!" Lois: So, what did the King of Ammon say? →

Peter: Alright, so in Judges 12 we got this guy, Jephthah, who's a leader of the Gileadites and he's trying to fight off the Ephraimites. So he's like, 'Hey, if any of you Ephraimites can say Shibboleth, you can join us and we'll let you live. →

Peter: Alright, so in Judges 13 the angel of the Lord visits Manoah and his wife, who had been childless for a long time. Lois: That's so sad, but at least the angel of the Lord showed up to give them some hope! →

Peter: Alright, so this is Judges 14. So, it's about this guy, Samson, and he's a judge and he's like, "Oh man, I'm going to get me a wife," and he goes and he sees this Philistine woman and he's like, "Hey, I'm gonna marry her. →

Peter: Alright, so what's up in Judges 15? Lois: Well, Peter, it looks like Samson is still up to his old tricks. He's mad at the Philistines, so he ties some torches to a bunch of foxes and sets them loose. →

[Scene: Peter and Quagmire in the Griffin living room.] Peter: Alright Quagmire, I'm ready for the summary of Judges 16. Quagmire: Alright, so Judges 16 is about Samson and his relationship with Delilah. →

Peter: Alright, here we go. Judges 17: In ancient Israel, Micah hired a Levite to be his priest. He made some idols for worship and all that jazz. But, as it turns out, the Levite had stolen the idols from another man, and then, get this, he had the nerve to offer a sacrifice of a thousand pieces of silver to the Levite for his services. →

30. Peter: "Alright, so Judges 18:30, here we go. So, there was this dude in the town of Dan, and he was like, 'Hey, let's build our own temple and worship our own god!' And then everyone was like, 'Yeah, sure, why not!' And then they went and did it, and they called it 'The High Place. →

Peter: Alright, so here's the summary of Judges 19: In the town of Gibeah, a Levite from Ephraim and his concubine stopped for the night. The townspeople demanded that the Levite be given to them to do as they pleased, so the Levite gave them his concubine instead. →

Lois: Alright, so this is Judges chapter 20. Brian, what's it about? Brian: Well, Lois, it's a doozy! Basically, the Israelites are trying to figure out who's responsible for a crime against the tribe of Benjamin, so they all gather together and ask God to help them out. →

Peter Griffin: Alright, so this chapter is all about the people of Israel getting revenge on the tribe of Benjamin for not sending women to a festival. So, they go to war and decimate the tribe. Then they hang the captured women and burn the cities. →