[Peter Griffin] "Okay, so in Job 1, there's this guy named Job and he's totally righteous, right? Anyway, God and Satan get into a debate about this guy and God's like 'Hey, Job's totally righteous, no way he'd ever turn away from me!' and Satan's like 'Oh yeah? I bet he will if you throw a bunch of bad stuff his way!' So God's like 'Alright, you're on!' and then he sends all kinds of bad stuff Job's way, and it's just one thing after another. →

Peter: Alright, so this is chapter two of the book of Job. So, Job's buddies show up and they are like, "Wow, Job, you look terrible! What happened to you?". And Job is like, "Yeah, I lost everything: my wealth, my family, and my health. →

Peter: Alright, so Job 3 is all about Job, the dude who lost everything. He's just like, "Why me, God? Why me?" Lois: Just like the time Meg found out she was adopted and blamed us for it. Peter: Yikes, let's not bring up that episode. →

Peter: Alright, uh, so this Job 4 chapter is all about Eliphaz telling Job that he's messed up and he needs to just accept his fate. He says, uh, "Should a wise man answer with empty notions, and fill himself with the east wind? Should he argue in unprofitable talk, or in words with which he can do no good?" →

Peter: Alright, so this is Job 5! The message is that if you are righteous and live a holy life, God will protect you from suffering. Lois: But beware of the wicked who can bring you down. Brian: Like in The Lion King, when Scar is trying to take over Pride Rock with the hyenas! →

Peter: Alright, Job 6. So what happened? Lois: Well, Job was still in the midst of his suffering, and in this chapter he's complaining to his friends. He's telling them how much he's suffering and how he wishes he could just die. →

Peter: Alright, so what have we got in Job 7? Brian: Well, Job's pretty bummed and he's questioning God. He's like, "Do I have to keep working so hard? I mean, it's like I'm a slave!" Stewie: I know the feeling. →

Peter: Alright, so this is Job 8. So, uh, Job's buddy Bildad is telling him that, like, God is gonna help him out if he just repents and stuff. Lois: Ah, like that episode of Seinfeld where George thought God was gonna help him if he just moved to LA? →

Peter: Alright, so Job 9, huh? Let's see here, starts off with Job bein' all like "I'm soooooo miserable". But then he's all like "God's too powerful for me to argue with". Lois: That's kinda profound, Peter. →

Peter: Alright, so here we go with Job 10. So, uh, uh, Job's like, "Hey God, why do you treat me so harshly?" And then God's like, "Uhhh, I don't even know you." And then Job's like, "That's not what I asked you, dude. →

Peter: Alright so, Job 11: Stewie: Uh oh, I think it's a tricky one. Peter: Yeah, so the chapter starts off with this guy named Zophar telling Job to prepare his words and get ready to answer him. Lois: Wait, who is Zophar? →

Peter: Alright, here's the deal with Job 12. So, Job is like, "Hey, I'm not wrong, and I got proof. I mean, I'm way smarter than everybody else, so I know what I'm talking about." Lois: Oh, Job, you're so full of yourself. →

Peter: Alright, so Job 13. Let's see what's happenin'! Brian: Not much, Peter. Job is basically just talking to God and defending himself against the accusations of his friends. Stewie: Yeah, but he's doing it in the most roundabout way. →

Peter: Alright, here's Job 14. So, Job's all like: "Man dies and is laid low, and man breathes his last, and where is he?" And then he's like, "As waters evaporate from the sea, and the river runs dry and is drained, so man lies down and does not rise until the heavens are no more; he will not awaken, nor be roused out of his sleep. →

Peter: Alright, so in Job 15, Eliphaz is like, "Job, you think you know it all, but you don't." And then Eliphaz is all like, "You're just like one of those hipsters who think their life is so deep but it's really just shallow, like one of those instagram photos. →

Peter: Alright, so Job 16. So Job's friends have been giving him a hard time and now he's had enough. He's like, "My grief is not soothed and you keep piling on the misery. I'm done with your lectures and your long-winded speeches. →

Peter: Alright, so in Job 17, Stewie's all like, "My spirit is broken, my days are short, and the grave awaits me." But then he's all like, "Why bother complaining when I know the answer won't come from anyone around me?" And then he's like, "But I don't even care if I die, 'cause I'll know that I'm right and my enemies are wrong. →

Peter: Alright, so this is Job 18. Brian: Yeah, so it's all about Bildad, this guy who's, like, super pessimistic and cynical? Peter: Yeah, he's like an old timey version of Meg. He's all like, "Job, you're suffering because you've done something wrong. →

Peter: "Alright, this is Job 19. So Job's friends are still giving him a hard time and he's still trying to explain why he's suffering. He says that even if he has done something wrong, God should just come down and tell him. →

Peter: Alright, here we go. So Job 20 is about Zophar the Naamathite. He's mad at Job for all his whining and moaning and he's like, "You think you're so great? Well, let me tell you something! Your evil deeds will catch up to you sooner or later!" →

Peter: Alright, so, Job 21 starts off with Job complaining about how the wicked get away with all their terrible stuff. He's like, why don't bad things happen to them? Lois: But then he's like, 'oh wait, of course they do. →

Peter: "Alright, so Job 22 starts off with a guy named Eliphaz asking Job why he's so obsessed with being right all the time - he thinks Job must be doing something wrong. Job responds that he's actually living a righteous life, and Eliphaz keeps going on about how rich people must be wicked or something. →

Peter: Alright, here's the deal. In Job 23, Job is all like "God, why don't you just show up and answer my prayers already?!" And God's all like, "I'm right here, Job, but you can't see me." So, Job's all like, "Oh, I get it. →

Peter: Alright, here's the deal with Job 24. It's about evildoers and how they're gonna get what's coming to them. Like, they're gonna suffer for all their wickedness, y'know? Brian: So what you're saying is that God is gonna come down hard on anyone who ain't livin' right? →

Peter: Alright, so this chapter is about Job 25. It starts with Bildad talking to Job about how great God is and how he can't be compared to him. He tells Job that no one can be righteous in front of God and that he's too small to even be noticed by him. →

Peter: Alright, Job 26. Let's see what we got here. So apparently Job's like, "Hey, God, how powerful are you? You know, like, really impressive stuff?" And God's like, "Oh, you know, I'm pretty powerful. →

Peter Griffin: Alright now, here we go. Job 27, "As God liveth, who hath taken away my judgment; and the Almighty, who hath vexed my soul; All the while my breath is in me, and the spirit of God is in my nostrils; My lips shall not speak wickedness, nor my tongue utter deceit. →

Peter: "Alright, so in Job 28, it's all about wisdom. It says that wisdom is more valuable than gold and silver, and can't be bought with money. Stewie: "Oh, so like, when someone says 'You can't put a price on wisdom', that's literally true?" Peter: "Yeah, pretty much. →

Peter: Alright, so this one is about Job, who's like totally super humble and stuff, but then he's like "Remember when I used to be awesome and all the peeps respected me? Yeah, that was great." Lois: I'm guessing he's not so humble now. →

Peter: Alright, so Job 30 starts off with Job complaining that those who used to be beneath him are now above him. He's talking about his current situation and how he's now lowlier than the people he used to look down on. →

Peter Griffin: Alright, so this chapter is about Job, right? Lois Griffin: Yes, it's about Job and his oath not to take advantage of anyone or anything. Brian Griffin: Yeah, he's like, 'I'm never gonna mess with people's rights or take advantage of their poverty. →

Peter: Alright, so Job 32. Brian, what's it about? Brian: Well, Peter, it's about Elihu, who was younger than the other three friends of Job. He was angry that they had not been able to answer Job's complaints, so he starts speaking. →

Peter: Alright, so, Job 33. Uh, let's see here. Okay, so Elihu is talking to Job, and he's like, "Hey man, don't worry, God is always looking out for you, and he can speak to you in a dream, or through a vision, or even in a whisper. →

Peter: Alright, so Job 34 starts off with Elihu, who's like an annoying side-character, you know? He's like Jar-Jar Binks, but even more annoying. Anyways, he's like, "Hey, you guys ain't gonna find wisdom from Job, so lemme take a crack at it. →

Peter: Alright, so Job 35. Basically, Elihu is still talking to Job, and he's like, "Why do you think you're so special? You ain't no Lord of the Rings, you know." Stewie: Oh, Peter, stop it. Elihu is saying that God is greater than Job, and God isn't concerned with Job's cries and complaints. →

Peter: Alright, so Job 36. Well, Elihu is still talking about how God rewards people for good deeds. He's sayin' that God is a fair dude and will always do what's right. Brian: Yeah, but he also says that God can be pretty tough on people who don't follow Him. →

Peter: Alright, let's see here. Job 37. Okay, so this chapter is all about God and his awesome power. He's like, sending out lightning, and clouds, and thunder, and stuff. It's like, whoa, this guy is powerful! →

Peter: Alright, so in Job 38, God speaks from a storm and asks Job where he was when the world was created. Brian: Is he asking for the address, or just a general idea? Peter: I'm not sure, but he seems to be making a point about how Job isn't all that important compared to God. →

Peter: Alright, in Job 39, the Lord says that God made the wild ostrich, and that it laughs at horsemen and is fearless and doesn’t care about the noise of chariots. Lois: Wow, that’s pretty impressive! What else does it say? →

Peter: Alright, here's what's happening in Job 40. God tells Job that if he thinks he's so smart, he should try to tame the powerful beast, Behemoth, who is so strong that even God can't control it. Lois: Oh my gosh, Behemoth? That sounds like the name of a really bad rap group, like Hammer and the Behemoths. →

Peter: Alright, so in Job 41, it says that God is talking about Leviathan, and how it's so strong that no one can overpower it. Lois: Yeah, like Peter Griffin trying to beat up the Hulk. Peter: Good one, Lois! It also says that its scales are like shields of bronze, and that it's so tough that no one can break through its armor. →

Peter: Alright, so in Job 42, Job says he's sorry for all the things he said, and God gives him twice as much stuff as he had before. Brian: Wow, that's pretty awesome! Lois: You know, I heard there's a new Marvel movie coming out. →