Peter: Alright, so in John 1, we learn that Jesus was with God from the beginning, and that all things were made by him. All things were made through him and without him nothing was made. Lois: Wait, so he was like the original creator? →

1-12. Peter: Alright, so, we got John Chapter 2. Here's what it's all about: Jesus and his mom, Mary, and his disciples head to a wedding in Cana. Jesus' mom notices they don't have enough wine, so she asks Jesus to do something about it. →

1-21 [Scene: Heaven] God: Alright, so in this chapter of the Bible we got Nicodemus being visited by Jesus. Nicodemus is a Pharisee and a member of the Sanhedrin. Jesus: Yo, Nicodemus! What's up, my dude? →

Peter: Alright, so John 4 is all about Jesus talking to a woman at a well. Lois: Oh, was it a romantic talk? Peter: Ha! Not even close. Jesus was actually trying to tell her about the living water that He can give. →

Peter: Alright, let's sum up John 5. So, Jesus is at the pool of Bethesda and he's healing a bunch of people. Lois: Oh, like a real-life Dr. House! Peter: Yeah, and then the guy he healed is so excited he runs around telling everyone. →

Peter: Alright everyone, it's time for our Bible summary. This time we're looking at John 6. Brian: Wait, I thought we were gonna watch the new season of The Bachelor? Lois: No Brian, we're summarizing Bible verses. →

Peter: Alright, so Chapter 7 of John. This is where Jesus heads to Jerusalem for the Festival of Tabernacles. Lois: Wait, he can't just go to a festival like that. Isn't there a whole bunch of controversy or something? →

Peter: Alright, so John 8. It’s about Jesus going toe-to-toe with the Pharisees, right? Lois: That’s right. He’s teaching in the Temple and the scribes and Pharisees bring a woman who has been caught in the act of adultery. →

Peter: Alright, so this is John 9. Lois: Okay, so what's it about? Stewie: Well, it starts off with Jesus healing a man who was born blind. Brian: That's pretty cool. Peter: Yeah, and then the Pharisees get all suspicious and start asking Jesus a bunch of questions. →

Peter: All right, you guys, let's get started with the summary of John 10. Lois: Okay, so in this chapter, Jesus is talking about being the good shepherd, and how he's gonna protect his flock from all the predators out there. →

Peter: Alright, so in this chapter we got a real doozy for ya. It's about a dude named Lazarus, who was dead and then Jesus made him alive again! Lois: I heard about this one, it's like a real-life version of Weekend at Bernie's! →

[Peter] So, John 12, huh? Well, Jesus finally arrives in Bethany and his friends, Mary and Martha, throw him a party. Then, Mary takes a jar of expensive perfume and pours it on Jesus' feet. Some people were like, "What the heck, Mary?!" But Jesus was like, "No, it's cool. →

Peter: Alright, so John 13. So, Jesus washes the feet of his disciples, right? Brian: Wait, so he's like a foot masseuse? Stewie: No, Brian, it's a metaphor! He's teaching them humility and servitude! →

Peter: Alright, let's see what's goin' on in John 14. Peter: Oh, Jesus is tellin' his disciples how he's gonna go away soon and send them the Holy Spirit. Lois: Wait, Peter, I thought you said Jesus was gonna send us the Holy Ghost? →

Peter: Alright, so in John 15, Jesus talks a lot about being the Vine, and how his followers are the branches. Brian: So, like, he's saying that if we want to be fruitful, we gotta stick with him? Cleveland: Yeah, but it's a little more complicated than that. →

Peter: Alright, so John 16. So, uh, Jesus is, like, saying his final goodbyes to his disciples, right? He's like, warning them that they're gonna have a tough time ahead, but they should, like, go forth and spread the word of God, yada yada. →

Peter: Alright, so this is John chapter 17. It starts off with Jesus prayin' to God and askin' him to keep his disciples safe. Lois: Oh, how sweet. Cleveland: Wait, what about the other disciples? Peter: They're mentioned too, Cleveland. →

Peter: Alright, so John 18 starts off with Jesus getting arrested in the Garden of Gethsemane and then taken to the high priest. Apparently, the high priest had already decided Jesus was guilty, so he was just looking for witnesses to back up his case. →

Stewie: Alright, so this chapter starts with Jesus being crucified. Brian: Oh man, that's really sad. Lois: Yeah, it's really tragic. Peter: Ooh, I know a song about that. "The Cross of Jesus" by Vanilla Ice. →

Peter: Alright, so in John Chapter 20, we got the resurrection of Jesus! Lois: Wow, that's pretty cool. Brian: Yeah, Jesus came back from the dead, and Mary Magdalene was the first person to see him. →

Peter: Alright, so in John 21 Jesus is with some of his disciples and they're in a boat fishing all night and not catching a thing. Lois: Oh, that's so sad. Like the time I saw Titanic and I had to eat an entire box of Junior Mints to make myself feel better. →