Peter: Alright, so what's the Bible chapter this week? Lois: It's Luke 1. Peter: Ooh, Luke Skywalker! That's my favorite Star Wars character. Cleveland: So, what does this chapter say? Lois: Well, it starts off talking about a priest named Zechariah who is visited by an angel. →

Peter: Alright guys, let's see what we got here. Luke 2, huh? Okay, so this is the chapter where Jesus is born. Lois: Wow, what an amazing moment! Stewie: I know, right? I just can't handle the cuteness. →

Lois: Alright, Peter, what have we got for Luke 3? Peter: Uhhh, it's about John the Baptist and his baptism of Jesus. Lois: Okay, tell us in the style of Family Guy. Peter: Well, it starts with John the Baptist preaching out in the wilderness and saying, "You better shape up, or else you're gonna get cut!" →

Peter: Alright, so in Luke 4, Jesus is in his hometown of Nazareth, and he's asked to read from the Bible in the synagogue. Lois: So, he reads from the old book, then what? Peter: Well, he reads a passage from Isaiah that talks about how he's gonna be the Messiah, and everyone's surprised. →

1-11. Peter (to Lois): Alright, so Luke 5:1-11. Let's see. Jesus is by the Sea of Galilee and he sees these fishermen and tells them to put their nets out, even though they've been fishing all night and haven't caught anything. →

Peter: Alright, so what's gonna happen in Luke 6? Lois: Well, Peter, it looks like Jesus is picking out his 12 apostles. Cleveland: Yeah, like a sports team draft! Meg: And he also teaches the crowds about a bunch of different things, like loving your enemies, being generous, and being kind. →

Peter: Alright, so Luke 7 starts with Jesus healing a centurion's servant from a distance. Brian: That's like that one time I healed myself of a nasty hangover with a Bloody Mary! Peter: Yeah, but Jesus did it with just a word. →

Peter: Okay, so Luke 8 starts out with Jesus telling a bunch of parables about "the sower," and how if you don't understand what that means, then you're like the people in The Matrix who don't know their lives are a simulation. →

Peter: Alrighty then, let's get going on Luke 9. So, Jesus sends out the twelve disciples to preach and they come back with lots of good news. Stewie: Hey, like the song by the Backstreet Boys! Brian: Stewie, I don't think this is really the time. →

Peter: Alright, so this is Luke 10. Lois: Ooh, what's it about? Peter: Well, Jesus sends out seventy-two of his followers to different cities to spread the gospel. He tells them to heal the sick, and if the people don't accept it, just shake the dust off their feet and move on. →

Peter: Alright, in Luke 11, Jesus is teaching his followers the Lord's Prayer. Brian: You know, like the one from that movie with Whoopi Goldberg and Oprah, Sister Act? Peter: I don't think that's the same one, Brian. →

Peter: Alright, so according to Luke 12, Jesus is telling his followers not to worry about material possessions, that they should trust Him instead. And then He tells them a parable about how a rich man's crops were so abundant he had to build bigger barns, but then he died that same night. →

Lois: So, what about Luke 13? Peter: Ah, right. This chapter is all about Jesus teaching in a synagogue and then dealing with some hecklers. Stewie: What did he say? Peter: Well, he talked about how people should repent and that no matter how late they are, they can still be saved. →

Peter: Alright, folks, it's time for our summary of the Bible - Luke 14! Lois: So, what happens in this chapter? Peter: Well, Jesus is at a dinner and he gives a few parables. One is about how people should take the lowest seat at the table, so that when others come, they can be invited up higher. →

Peter: "All right, Luke 15. Let's see what this one's about." Lois: "Yeah, I'm kinda interested in this one. I heard it's about, like, lost sheep and stuff." Stewie: "And it's about redemption, Lois! It's about how God loves us no matter how far we have fallen and will forgive us when we repent!" →

Peter: Alright, so Luke 16 starts off with a parable about a steward who was about to be fired, so he called all his master's debtors and reduced their debts in order to gain favor with them. Lois: Uh, okay. →

Peter: Alright, so Luke 17 starts off with Jesus warning the disciples about temptations and that one should forgive someone if they repent. Lois: Uh-huh, and then what happened? Brian: Well, the disciples asked Jesus "how many times should we forgive someone" and Jesus said to forgive them "seventy times seven". →

Peter: Alright, Family Guy fans, it's time for a summary of Luke 18. Brian: Hey, that's my favorite chapter! Cleveland: Ooh, this is gonna be good. Lois: Well, in this chapter Jesus tells a parable about a widow and a judge. →

Peter: Alright, so in Luke 19, Jesus enters Jerusalem and the people lay down their cloaks and branches before him as a sign of respect. Lois: That's so sweet! Like when I laid down my remote and my snacks for Stewie when he entered the room! →

Peter: Luke 20, huh? Well, Jesus is back in Jerusalem and the religious leaders are trying to trap him in a debate. So they ask him whether it's lawful to pay taxes to Caesar. Jesus, being the smooth operator he is, asks to see a coin. →

Lois: Okay, so in Luke 21 we've got Jesus predicting the destruction of Jerusalem. Peter: Wait a minute, wasn't that in the movie Independence Day? Lois: No, Peter, that was aliens. Peter: Oh, right. →

Peter: Alright, so in Luke 22 Jesus has a last supper with his disciples and then takes Peter, James, and John to the Garden of Gethsemane. While they're there, Jesus starts to get emotional and asks them to stay and pray with him, but they all fall asleep. →

Peter: Alright, so Luke 23. We meet up with Jesus and the Roman governor Pilate. He's, like, trying to decide whether or not to crucify Jesus, but then some of the people kinda take matters into their own hands. →

Peter: Alright, so Luke 24 is all about the resurrection, right? Stewie: Yeah, the resurrection of Jesus! Wait, did anyone see the new Star Wars movie? Lois: Stewie, focus! The disciples go to the tomb and find that Jesus is not there. →