Peter (as Hosea): Alright God, what do you want me to do? God: I want you to marry a prostitute, Hosea. Peter (as Hosea): Whoa, you sure about that? God: Yes, I am. Her name is Gomer and she will be an illustration of my people who have broken their covenant and turned away from me. →

Peter: Alright, so this is Hosea 2. So, the Lord says to Israel, "Accuse your mother, for she is not my wife, and I am not her husband." Lois: Wow, that's harsh. Peter: Yeah, but then the Lord says he's gonna allure her and win her heart back. →

Peter: So, uh, Hosea 3, right? Alright. So, the Lord tells Hosea to go get himself a wife, even though she's a prostitute. And then he's supposed to live with her for a few years, even though she's gonna be, like, super unfaithful and all that jazz. →

Peter: Alright folks, let's move on to Hosea 4. It's all about God's judgement on the people of Israel for their sins. So, like, God's punishing them for, like, worshipping idols and all that. He's like, "Your country is full of murder, lies, and cheating". →

Peter: Alright, everyone, let's get started on Hosea 5! Lois: Oh geez, Peter, this is gonna be a doozy! Brian: Yeah, Hosea was a real prophet! Stewie: Pffft, prophets? What are they going to do, predict that our next president will be a reality show star? →

Peter: Alright, so in Hosea 6, God's like, "Come, let us return to the Lord, who has torn us to pieces, but he will heal us. He has injured us, but he will bind up our wounds." Lois: Oh, that's so sweet. →

Peter: Alright, so in Hosea 7, God's mad at Israel for their sins and tells them it's their own fault they're in this mess. Lois: That's harsh! Brian: Yeah, but then it gets worse. God says the people of Israel are like an oven that's been heated up by a baker, but the bread still isn't done. →

Peter: Alright, so Hosea 8 is about the consequences of sin. Sin leads to destruction, and the people of Israel are going to suffer for it. Lois: Wait, what kind of destruction? Peter: Well, it says they are going to be scattered among the nations and suffer the consequences of their sinful, rebellious ways. →

Lois (narrating): So, family, Hosea chapter nine. Peter: Ooh, what's it about? Lois: Well, it starts off talking about the punishment God is giving his people because of their sins. Stewie: (interrupting) Like how if you lie, you get a timeout? →

Lois: Alright, here we go. Hosea 10. Peter: Yeah, this one's a real doozy. Quagmire: Oh my God! It's like Israel got into the car with a drunk driver and forgot to buckle up! Cleveland: That's a terrible analogy, Quagmire. →

1-11 [Peter Griffin] Alright, so let's just jump right into Hosea 11. So it starts off with God saying that he loved Israel like a kid, and he called them out of Egypt. [Lois Griffin] Like Moses, you mean? [Peter Griffin] Yeah, like Moses but also like the kid in the Tom Hanks movie Big. →

Peter: Alright, so this is Hosea 12. It's all about God's people, the Israelites, being disobedient, right? Lois: Right. God is punishing them for their sins, but he still loves them and wants them to repent. →

Peter: Alright, so Hosea Chapter 13 is a real bummer. It's all about how Israel has gone astray and turned away from God. Lois: Oh no, that's terrible! Stewie: Wait, what? Israel? Like the country? Peter: No, not that Israel. →

Peter: Alright, here we go. Chapter fourteen of Hosea. God says, "Return, O Israel, to the Lord your God, for you have stumbled because of your iniquity." Lois: That's like when I tried to return those pants and they wouldn't take 'em back cause I had already worn them. →