Peter: Alright, everyone, let's start with 1 Chronicles 1. Adam: Uh, is this gonna be a long one? Peter: This is the bible, Adam! It's always long! Lois: Okay, let's see here. 1 Chronicles 1 is about the genealogy of Adam - it lists all his descendants until Jacob. →

Peter: Alright, so 1 Chronicles 2 starts off with a list of descendants of Israel, right? Lois: Yup. We got Reuben, Judah, Simeon, Levi and all those other guys. Stewie: Yeah, so let's see... uh, after Reuben comes the sons of Pallu, then the sons of Hezron, then the sons of Carmi, then the sons of Hur. →

Peter: Alright, this Bible chapter is 1 Chronicles 3. Uh, so it's a list of all the kings and their families and stuff, which I think is kinda boring. But, hey, at least we get to learn some fun historical trivia, like who was related to who and stuff. →

Peter: Okay, so 1 Chronicles 4 is all about the descendants of Judah and how they spread out and formed clans, like the Shelanites, the Uzites and the Zerahites. Lois: Wow, sounds fascinating. Stewie: Yeah, if you're into that sort of thing. →

Peter: Alright, so here's what's up with 1 Chronicles 5. So the tribes of Reuben, Gad, and the half-tribe of Manasseh are like, "Hey, let's settle on the other side of the Jordan!" And they ask the other Israelites if they can, and they're like, "Yeah, sure, why not?" So they settle there and they're like, "We should probably have a leader" and they pick Reuben's son, Hanoch, and he rules them. →

Peter: Alright, so 1 Chronicles, 6...lemme see here. Alright, so it's about the people in the line of Aaron, the high priest. Lois: Oh wow, so like, Aaron was like the main priest guy, right? Peter: Yeah, and so this chapter talks about who his descendants were and all that stuff. →

Peter: Alright, so 1 Chronicles 7! It's about, uh, the sons of Issachar and Benjamin, and how they were all warriors and stuff. Lois: Oh, and it also talks about the descendants of Naphtali, who were all really skilled in archery. →

Lois: Alright, let's see what we got here...1 Chronicles 8. Peter: Wait, is that a Bible chapter, or an episode of Cops? Lois: Peter, it's the Bible. Now, this chapter is mostly a list of names, so let's see if we can spice it up. →

Peter: Alright, so 1 Chronicles 9 starts off with a list of names, like a roll call of who was in charge of taking care of the temple. Cleveland: Yeah, sounds like a boring chapter. Just a bunch of names, who cares? →

Peter: Alright, here we go, 1 Chronicles 10. So, Saul, the first king of Israel, has just died in battle and, uh, God chose David to be the next king. Brian: Wow, you mean the same David who wrote "Hallelujah" and was played by Leonardo DiCaprio in The Man in the Iron Mask? →

Peter: Alright, so 1 Chronicles 11. Basically, David was like the king of Israel, right? Lois: Right, and the chapter is about how the people of Israel show their loyalty to him. Brian: Yeah, they like, show up to the stronghold of Zion and make David their leader. →

Peter: Alright, 1 Chronicles 12. So, this chapter is all about how the tribes of Israel rallied around King David when they heard he was chosen to be king. It was like a real-life version of that scene in The Avengers when they all come together to fight Loki! →

Peter: Alright, so let's get started with the summary of 1 Chronicles 13. Lois: Wait, did you say 1 Chronicles 13? Peter: Yeah, why? Lois: I have a bad feeling about this. This is the chapter where David and the Israelites tried to move the Ark of the Covenant, right? →

Peter: Alright, so 1 Chronicles 14, lemme see here. Uh... so, David consults with the Lord, who promises him victory over the Philistines. Lois: Oh wow, sounds like a scene from Game of Thrones! Brian: Yeah, but this is a Bible chapter, not a book series. →

Peter: Alright, so 1 Chronicles 15 starts off with King David getting all the Levites together. He's like, "yo, this is the time to bring back the Ark of the Covenant, and I want you guys to be the ones to do it. →

Peter: Alright, so 1 Chronicles 16. Stewie: Oh, this should be interesting. Peter: Yeah, so this chapter starts with David appointing some guys to lead the worship and take care of the ark of the covenant. →

Peter: Alright, so 1 Chronicles 17 is about God visiting King David and basically giving him the green light to build a temple. Lois: Oh, that's nice. Brian: Yeah, but God's like, "Hey, don't worry, I'm gonna make your name great" in a totally Yoda-esque way. →

Peter: Alright, so 1 Chronicles 18... Lois: What does it say? Peter: Well, according to the Bible, it says David conquered some cities, and then took some spears and shields from the kings of those cities. →

Peter: Alright-y then, here we go with 1 Chronicles 19! So, the Israelites asked the Ammonites for help, but the Ammonites were like "No way, Jose!" So the Israelites were like, "Oh no, what are we gonna do now?" So then, Joab, who was like the commander of the Israelite army, was like, "Hey, don't worry, I got this!" So he and his army of twelve thousand men went to fight the Ammonites. →

Peter: Alright, so in 1 Chronicles 20, we find out that there was a huge battle against the Philistines. Lois: I guess that means the Philistines were a lot like the Cylons from Battlestar Galactica, huh? →

Peter: Alright, so in 1 Chronicles 21, God was mad at David 'cause he ordered a census of the people. Lois: Ugh, what a jerk. Stewie: Yeah, David should've known that was a bad idea. Brian: Right, so God sent a plague against the people to punish David. →

Peter: Alright, folks, we’re gonna sum up 1 Chronicles 22. So, King David gathers all the materials and supplies that he needs to build the temple. He also stockpiles gold and silver, like a dragon hoarding treasure. →

Peter: Alright, so 1 Chronicles 23, it's all about how King David put together a team of Levites to help with the Temple. Lois: Yeah, and they had to be between the ages of 30 and 50, so not too old, not too young. →

Peter: Alright, so 1 Chronicles 24 starts off with how David organized the Levites into divisions for service in the temple. Lois: Wait, David? Like David and Golliath David? Peter: Yup! He was a pretty cool dude. →

Brian: Okay, so in 1 Chronicles 25, we learn that King David appointed some gifted musicians and singers to perform in the temple of the Lord. Peter: Wait, wait, wait. Is this like when I try to play the guitar? →

Peter: Alright, let's see what we got here. In 1 Chronicles 26, the Israelites divided the gatekeepers into divisions, with each division having 24 gatekeepers, plus their relatives. The divisions were set up by the chief gatekeeper, Obed-edom, and his sons. →

Peter: Alright, so 1 Chronicles 27: It's all about the list of people in charge of the military, plus the leaders in charge of stuff in each tribe. Lois: Woah, that's a lot of people! Stewie: I don't see my name on the list! [stomps feet] →

Peter: Alright, so here's the deal with 1 Chronicles 28. Apparently, it starts off with King David giving a big ol' pep talk to everyone about how they should build the temple of God. He's like, "Yo, I got it all planned out for ya, so no excuses. →

Peter: Alright, ready for 1 Chronicles 29? Lois: I'm ready! Stewie: I'm always ready to talk about the Bible! Brian: Okay, so this chapter is about King David and the people of Israel bringing offerings to God. →