1-15 Peter: Alright, so this chapter is all about Jesus. Lois: Ah, so it's like The Passion of the Christ, but without all the violence. Brian: No, it's more like Jesus Christ Superstar with a dash of The Greatest Showman. →

Peter: So, Mark 2. Jesus is healing a Paralytic, right? Stewie: Yes, that's right Peter. He's doing it in a house, and the crowd is so big they can't even get in the door. Brian: So they take the Paralytic and lower him through the roof! →

20-35 Peter: Alright, so in Mark 3:20-35, Jesus' family thought he was going crazy, so they went to bring him home. Stewie: But Jesus said, "Who are my mother and my brothers? Whoever does the will of God is my brother, sister, and mother. →

(Peter Griffin) Alright, so in Mark 4, we got Jesus out there teaching the people with all these parables. He's like "Hey, it's like a farmer who goes out to sow his seed, and some falls on the road, and some falls on rocky ground, and some--" (Lois Griffin) Peter, that's enough of that! (Peter Griffin) Right, right, so he's teaching them with parables and then he gets in the boat and tells his disciples to cross the sea and he falls asleep. →

Peter: Alright, so in Mark 5, Jesus casts out a bunch of demons from this crazy dude who was living in the tombs. Lois: Wait, so he was living in a graveyard? That's so morbid. Chris: Yeah, I heard he was running around naked and cutting himself with stones. →

Lois: Okay, so what's going on in Mark 6? Peter: Ah, that's when Jesus sends out the twelve apostles to go preach and heal people. Lois: Wow, that's really interesting! Peter: Yeah, I know. That's why I always say, "Don't mess with Jesus, otherwise you'll be like the Kool-Aid Man - busted!" →

Peter: Alright, guys, it's time to summary Mark 7. Lois: So, what's it about? Peter: Well, it starts off with some Pharisees and scribes from Jerusalem coming to see Jesus and asking why his disciples don't follow the traditional Jewish customs. →

Peter: Alright everyone, it's time for another chapter of the Bible. This time it's Mark 8. Brian: Oh boy, I'm so excited! Stewie: Who cares? Let's just get on with it. Peter: Alright, so Jesus is with his disciples and they've run out of bread. →

(Peter) Alright, so Mark 9 starts off with Jesus and his disciples climbing up a mountain and Jesus is transfigured in front of them, like that one episode of Stranger Things where Eleven goes all glowy. →

(Peter) Hey, Meg, what did you think of Mark chapter 10? (Meg) Well, Peter, it's definitely a wild ride. Jesus tells his disciples about marriage, and then goes on to talk about how hard it is for wealthy people to get into the Kingdom of Heaven. →

Lois: Alright, kids, let's talk about the Bible. We're onto Mark 11. Peter: Wait, isn't that where Jesus cursed the fig tree and then it withered? Lois: Yes, that's right. So Jesus and his disciples entered Jerusalem, and Jesus entered the temple and threw out those who were buying and selling there. →

Peter: Alright, so Mark 12 starts out with Jesus teaching in the temple and talking about the importance of paying taxes. He then answers a question about the resurrection from the Sadducees. Lois: But wait, isn't Sadducees like the Hogwarts house no one likes? →

Peter: Alright Family, it's time for our summary of Mark 13. Lois: Oh boy! Stewie: Hold on, this is a Bible chapter? I thought it was an episode of The Office. Brian: Not a chance, Stewie. Anyway, Mark 13 talks about the end of the world and Jesus' warnings about the destruction of the temple. →

Peter: Alright, so Mark 14. Jesus is in the Garden of Gethsemane and he's asking his disciples to stay awake and keep watch with him while he prays. Lois: Hey, like that time I was on a date with Bruce Willis and he asked me to keep watch while he took a nap? →

Peter: Alright, so in Mark 15, Jesus is brought before Pilate and he's all like, "Hey man, what's up?" Lois: And then Pilate is all like, "You've been accused of treason and I'm gonna have to pass judgment on you". →

Peter: Alright, so in Mark 16 Jesus rises from the dead, and his disciples see him. He then tells the disciples that they should go out and spread the gospel and perform miracles in his name. Brian: Wait, so they're like superheroes? →