Peter: Alright, so Genesis Chapter One. God creates the world in six days, right? Lois: Yeah, and on the seventh day he rested. Brian: So like, God made the universe in a week, just like Disney made The Lion King 2 in a week! →

Peter: Okay, so in Genesis 2, God finishes creating the world and takes a day off. Lois: Yeah, he's like, "Good job, everybody, let's put on Family Guy and relax for a bit." Stewie: Alright, so what does God do next? →

Peter: Alright, so the Bible chapter for today is Genesis 3. So, there's this snake and he's like, "Hey, maybe you should eat this apple." But God said not to, so then Adam and Eve got all scared and hid from God. →

Peter: Alright, so in Genesis 4, we start off with a bang. Cain kills Abel, and God is not happy. He curses Cain and sends him away. Lois: Oh my God, that's terrible. Brian: Yeah, but then things take an even darker turn when we find out that Cain's wife is actually his sister. →

[Peter Griffin] Alright, so in Genesis 5, God created a dude named Adam and he gave him a lady named Eve. And then Adam and Eve had a bunch of kids. [Brian] That's it? [Peter] Well, that's pretty much it. →

Peter: Alright, so Genesis 6, huh? Let me give it to ya straight. It's all about Noah, right? His family was righteous and blameless in God's sight, and God decides to punish the earth and flood it. He tells Noah to build an ark, and stock it with two of every kind of animal. →

Peter: Alright, so here's the summary of Genesis 7: Lois: Wait, who's Genesis? Is he related to Jesus? Peter: No, no, no, that's Genesis from the Bible. Brian: Yeah, the book of Genesis is the first book of the Bible. →

Peter: Alright, so this is the book of Genesis, Chapter 8. Lois: Uh-huh. Peter: So after the flood, God remembered Noah and all the animals and said to Noah, "Go out of the ark, you and your wife, your sons, and your sons' wives with you. →

Peter: Alright, so Genesis 9. So God's like, "Hey, I'm gonna make a covenant with you guys, I'm gonna promise never to destroy the earth with a flood again. Also, I'm gonna give you this rainbow as a sign of my promise". →

(Peter): Alright, so this chapter is all about the sons of Japheth, and their lands and nations. So, they had a son named Gomer, who had a son named Ashkenaz. They lived in the land of the people of Gomer, which was in the regions of the north. →

Peter: Alright, so this is a story about a bunch of people who decide to build a tower that reaches all the way to heaven. Lois: Wow, I can't believe they thought they could do that. Chris: Yeah, it's like that one time I tried to climb up to the moon. →

Peter: Alright, here we go. Chapter 12 of the Bible. So, God tells Abram to go and be a blessing, and he does. He leaves his home and goes to the land of Canaan. Lois: That's cool and all, but did he bring his Xbox? →

Peter: Alright, you guys ready for a summary of Genesis 13? Lois: Go for it, Peter. Peter: Alright, so, in this chapter, Abram and Lot were living together, with their herds and flocks, and the land couldn't support them both. →

Lois: Alright, so what's happening in Genesis 14? Peter: Well, Lois, it's a bunch of kings going to war! They're fighting a bunch of other kings, and then Abraham shows up to help out with his own army. →

Peter: Alrighty folks, this is the summary for Genesis 15: Lois: Oh boy, what did God do this time? Peter: Well, God appeared to Abraham in a vision and told him he would have many descendants. Abraham was skeptical, but God promised to give him and his descendants the land of Canaan. →

Peter (the father): Alright, so in Genesis 16, we got Abram and Sarai who were married but they still hadn’t been able to have a kid. Sarai was like, “Let’s get a maidservant and have her bear children for us”, so they got this Egyptian named Hagar and she became Abram’s concubine. →

Peter: Alright, so in Genesis 17, God tells Abram that he's gonna change his name to Abraham, and his wife Sarai's name to Sarah. Lois: Woah, that's a lot of name changes! Brian: Yeah, and God also promises Abraham that he's gonna have a bunch of kids, as many as the stars in the sky. →

Peter: Okay, so in Genesis 18, God appears to Abraham as three men. Brian: Yeah, and then he tells Abraham that Sarah will have a son, even though she's, like, 90 years old. Lois: Wow, that's amazing! →

Peter: Alright, so Genesis 19. This is the one where God sends two angels to Sodom and Gomorrah to warn Lot and his family to flee, right? Lois: Right. The angels had to kind of fight their way into Lot's house because the townsfolk were all like, "Hey, what's up angels? We want to have sex with you!" →

Peter: Alright, so this is Genesis 20, huh? Alright so, this is where we meet Abimelech, king of Gerar, who takes Sarah, Abraham's wife, thinking she's his sister. Lois: That's right, Peter. So, God comes to Abimelech in a dream and tells him that what he's doing is wrong. →

Brian: Alright so episode 21 of the Bible, eh? Stewie: The Book of Genesis, right? Brian: That's right. So, God told Abraham and Sarah that they would have a child, and sure enough Sarah gave birth to Isaac. →

Peter: Alright so it's Genesis 22, eh? Well, I guess it's time to get biblical. Lois: You got that right, Peter! So what's it about? Peter: Well, it's about Abraham, who God asked to sacrifice his son, Isaac, to prove his faith. →

[Peter as narrator] Ladies and gentlemen, it's time to get biblical! In Genesis 23, we meet Sarah, Abraham's wife, who has just passed away. Abraham is grief-stricken, but he's gotta keep it together, because he needs to negotiate with the Hittites for a burial plot for his beloved wife. →

Peter: Alright, so in Genesis 24, Abraham sends his servant to go find a wife for his son, Isaac. He tells the servant to look for a woman from his own people, so he goes and finds Rebekah. Lois: Wow, that's wild! But what happens next? →

Lois: Alright, Peter, what did we learn from Genesis 25? Peter: Well, Lois, we learned that Abraham had another son, Ishmael, with his slave Hagar. Then Abraham had a son named Isaac with his wife Sarah. →

Lois: Alright, so what's happening in Genesis 26? Peter: Well, Lois, it looks like Isaac is getting some special treatment from God in this chapter. God tells him that he and his descendants will be blessed and will have lots of land. →

Peter: Alright, so, Genesis 27: It's about Isaac telling his son Esau that he's gonna give him a blessing and then his son Jacob tricks him and gets the blessing instead. Brian: Ugh, sounds like a classic case of nepotism to me. →

Peter: Alright, this is Genesis 28. So, uh, Jacob is leaving home and he takes a pillow and he goes to sleep. Then he has this crazy dream about a staircase to Heaven and God tells him he's gonna be alright. →

Peter Griffin: Alright, so in Genesis 29, Jacob has a dream and sees angels going up and down a ladder from Heaven. So, he wakes up and says, "Wow, this must be the house of God and this is the gateway to Heaven!" →

Peter: Alright, so, in Genesis 30, Jacob gets mad at his wife Rachel, 'cause she's not giving him any children. So, he's like, "Give me kids or else!" Lois: Oh, Peter, that's so sad. Brian: Well, Rachel gets mad, and she's like, "Well, why don't you just marry my maidservant, Bilhah?" So Jacob does, and she has two sons, Dan and Naphtali. →

Peter: Alright, so the chapter starts out with Jacob telling his wives Rachel and Leah that he's gotta go see his dad in Syria. Then he's like "I'm gonna take my kids and stuff, so don't worry about me. →

Peter: Alright, so in this chapter, Jacob is about to meet his brother Esau, who he hasn't seen in a long time. So he's a bit scared, ya know? So he sends a bunch of gifts ahead to Esau, and then he stays up all night wrestling with an angel. →

[Peter] Alright folks, Genesis 33: It starts off with Jacob and Esau seeing each other after 20 years apart. Esau is all like, 'hey, what's up, bro', but Jacob is like, 'what's up, dude who I swindled out of his birthright in exchange for a bowl of chili'. →

Peter: Alright, so in this chapter of the Bible, Genesis 34, Dinah, the daughter of Jacob, goes out to visit some of the women of the land. Lois: Uh-oh, she's going native. Brian: Yeah, like when the Fresh Prince goes to Bel-Air. →

Peter: Alright, so in Genesis 35, God tells Jacob to go to Bethel and build an altar there. Lois: And then what? Peter: Well, Jacob obeys God and moves his family and all their possessions to Bethel. He makes an altar and builds a pillar, then God appears to him again and blesses him with a new name - Israel. →

[Peter Griffin] Alright, so in Genesis 36, we meet Esau's descendants. Esau was Jacob's twin brother. He had a bunch of sons who each had a bunch of kids. There was Anah, who found mules in the wilderness, and there was Dishon, who had three sons named Hemdan, Eshban, and Ithran. →

Peter: Alright, so we're talkin' about Genesis 37. So, Joseph's brothers, they get mad at him and they wanna kill him, but they end up sellin' him off as a slave instead. Lois: Oh, that's terrible! Peter: Yeah, but then they use the money they get from sellin' Joseph to buy themselves some fancy coat made of many colors. →

Peter: Alright, in this chapter of the Bible, it's all about this dude named Judah. Apparently, he had a kid named Er, who was a real jerk, so God made him die. Lois: So Judah got married again and had three more sons. →

Peter: Alright, so in Genesis 39, Joseph is thrown in jail, but the Lord was with him and gave him favor with the jailer. Lois: Wait, so is Joseph like, an inmate on Orange is the New Black? Peter: No, Lois, this is the Bible we're talking about, not Netflix. →

Peter: Alright, so this one's from the book of Genesis. Chapter 40. Brian: That's the one about Joseph in prison, right? Peter: Yup. So, Joseph is in prison, but he's doing alright 'cause the warden put him in charge of all the other prisoners. →

Peter: Alright, so this chapter starts with Pharaoh having some crazy dreams. Lois: Wait, like the one with the giant cheese wheel? Peter: No, this is different, he dreamed of seven fat cows and seven scrawny cows, and seven full heads of grain and seven withered heads of grain. →

Peter: Alright, so in Genesis 42, Joseph's brothers, who had sold him into slavery all those years ago, come down to Egypt to buy some food. Lois: Oh my gosh, I can't believe they would do that! Cleveland: Yeah, Joseph's been away from his family for so long, and now they're back. →

Peter: Alright, so in Genesis 43, the brothers head back to Egypt with Benjamin to see Joseph. Lois: Oh, I love Joseph! He's so dreamy. Brian: Ugh, not this again. Peter: When they get there, the brothers give Joseph an even bigger present of gifts than before. →

Peter: Alright, so Genesis 44 starts off with Joseph's brothers going back to Egypt. Lois: So, like, did they go on a road trip? Peter: Haha, no Lois, they were just returning to Egypt because they needed more food. →

[Peter Griffin] Alright, so Genesis 45. Well, Joseph reveals himself to his brothers, and he's like: “It's me! Your brother Joseph!” [Brian Griffin] But the brothers are like, “D'oh! We knew it was you all along, you know, like that movie 'The Sixth Sense'!” [Peter Griffin] Right. →

Peter: Alright, so Genesis 46 is about Jacob's family going to Egypt. Lois: Yeah, and God is telling Jacob not to worry, because he's gonna be taken care of. Brian: And then, Jacob and his family all go down to Egypt. →

Peter: Alright, so in Genesis 47, Joseph brings his father Jacob and his brothers to Egypt to meet the Pharaoh. Lois: Whoa, that's intense! Like, did Jacob and Pharaoh get along? Peter: Well, Pharaoh liked them, so he let them settle in the best part of the country and gave them food. →

Peter: Alright everyone, let's dive into Genesis 48. So, Jacob blesses Joseph's two sons and adopts them as his own. He then changes their names to Ephraim and Menasseh. Lois: Wow, that's so nice of him! He's like a father to them. →

Peter: Alright, so this is Genesis Chapter 49. In this one, Jacob blesses his sons before he dies. Brian: You know, I think I saw that in a movie once. It was that one with Brad Pitt, where he's a big-shot lawyer. →

Peter: Alright, so in Genesis 50, Joseph's brothers come to him and bow down and apologize for selling him into slavery all those years ago. Lois: Wow, what a touching reunion. Stewie: More like a touching re-union. →