"And this week in job security, we take a look at Job. Y'know, he had it all. A nice family, plenty of money, and a job with security. That was until God and Satan had a bet about Job's loyalty. So God let Satan take away all his money and his family, and he still stayed loyal. →

Hey, folks, it's Norm MacDonald here with your Bible update. In Job 2, we see that, yet again, Satan's up to his old tricks. He's trying to get Job to curse God and, this time, he's using Job's own body as the target of his attacks. →

Well, folks, this week we're talking about Job 3. In this chapter, Job has a bit of a...episode, if you will. He curses the day he was born and wishes he'd never been born at all. He feels so much despair that he wishes he was dead. →

Hey, Job. How's it goin'? Yeah, well, not so great, it turns out. Your friend Eliphaz is here, and he's got some advice for you: repent and stop being so arrogant. Not sure you asked for it, but hey, here it is. →

Well, folks, it's time for another chapter of the Bible--and this time it's Job 5. So, this chapter starts with Eliphaz the Temanite instructing Job on how to cope with his suffering. Eliphaz basically tells Job that God doesn't mess around, so if he's in pain, it's probably because he deserves it. →

Job 6: Job's friends Eliphaz and Bildad have been trying to convince him that he's suffering because of some sin he's committed, but Job is still insistent that he's innocent. He complains that his friends are like a wadi without water, and then tells them to stop trying to make him feel guilty because it's not doing any good. →

"Hey, this is Norm MacDonald for Bible Update. So Job 7... man, this guy is really going through it. He's just feeling so much pain and anguish, it's really quite something. And he's like, 'Hey, why don't I just go ahead and die?' And then he's like, 'Hey, I'm going to bed, but I'm totally not gonna sleep, so why bother?' That's Job 7. →

Hey, it's Norm, and I'm here to tell you about Job 8. So, Bildad the Shuhite tries to give Job a little pep talk, telling him that he should just move on from his whole misery and suffering situation and just turn back to God. →

Hey folks, Job 9 is all about Job continuing his debate with his three friends. He basically says that he's been through too much suffering to be able to argue with God. He says that even if he's right, God will still overpower him. →

Well, folks, Job 10 is a real roller coaster ride. In this chapter, Job is understandably ticked off at God, so he takes the opportunity to air his grievances. He goes on and on about how God has treated him unfairly, and he's not wrong - God has totally been messing with him. →

Job 11: Norm MacDonald here with the summary: So, Job's friend Zophar is back at it again, telling Job that if he just repented, God would forgive him and make all his troubles go away. But Job's not having any of it, and he tells Zophar that he's wrong and that God is too wise to be tricked. →

Job 12: Job's friends continue to give him advice and share their wisdom with him. But Job is having none of it, so he turns to God and asks Him to show him the truth. He rants about how he feels like no one understands him and how he's been wronged by God. →

Okay, so in Job 13, Job is, like, really mad at God and he's, like, totally not gonna take it anymore. So he's, like, telling God that He can do whatever He wants because Job ain't gonna put up with no more of His nonsense. →

Well, this chapter of the Bible is all about Job, who's a real downer, if you ask me. Job is feeling sorry for himself, talking about how short life is and how he can't escape his suffering. He talks about how he's only human and his life is full of sorrow. →

Well, Job 15 is a real doozy. Eliphaz the Temanite, one of Job's three friends, is really letting him have it. He argues that Job's suffering must be punishment for his wickedness, and he's not wrong! Job, however, is having none of it. →

So, Job 16. Yeah, Job is really bummed out, so he decides to give his friends a piece of his mind. He lets them know that he's in pain, and that he's already been through a lot. He also says that his friends have been unhelpful and cruel. →

"Hey folks, this is Norm MacDonald from Weekend Update, and today I'm talking about Job 17. So Job's having a real tough go of it, right? Well, it's only getting worse in this chapter. He's so desperate that he's begging his friends to just let him die already. →

"So, Job's friend Bildad is still going at it, giving Job a hard time. He says that the wicked will be snuffed out and get what they deserve. It's like, come on, Bildad. Don't be so harsh. Everyone has a bad day. →

Well, Job's having a really bad day, folks. He's been afflicted with terrible sores and boils, and to top it off, his friends have been telling him that he's probably done something wrong to deserve all this. →

Well, Job, this chapter's not lookin' too good for you. A guy named Zophar, who's apparently been a friend of yours, tells you that you're getting what you deserve, and that God will only bring you more suffering. →

Job 21: Alright, so these guys are still arguing about all the terrible stuff that's been happening, and Job is just like, "Why all the suffering? Where's the justice in the world?" And his buddies are like, "You're a sinner, man. →

Well folks, it looks like Job has been feeling a bit down lately, and his three friends Eliphaz, Bildad, and Zophar didn't exactly help. In Job 22, Eliphaz takes another shot at Job, telling him that if he was really so righteous, why is he in this mess? Eliphaz claims that Job's problem is that he hasn't been generous enough and that if he'd been more righteous, he'd have had it all. →

Hey, Job 23. This chapter starts off with Job complaining about how God is ignoring him, even though he's trying to be righteous. Apparently God's hidden himself away, and Job can't find him anywhere. He's pretty sure that if he could just get in front of God, he'd be able to argue his case. →

Hey everybody! Job 24 is a real doozy. Job's friends are still trying to figure out why all the bad things have happened to Job. They're trying their best to convince Job that he must have done something wrong to deserve all this misfortune. →

"Well, I guess Job's friends are really piling on the misery here in Chapter 25. Bildad is really going for the jugular, telling Job that God's power is so much greater than any man's that it's not even worth trying to be righteous. →

Job 26: Job's friend, Bildad, is back to speak his piece. He claims that Job's words have been without knowledge and that God has the power to do whatever He pleases. Job responds that Bildad doesn't know everything and that he's been talking a lot of nonsense. →

"Job 27: It's all about Job's bitter rant against his friends, who he's convinced are wrong and he's right. He's basically like, 'Hey, I'm not bad and you guys can't prove that I am, so back off!' But, as we all know, his friends were right and Job was wrong. →

Job 28 - Ah, Job 28. Not a lot of laughs here. A real downer of a chapter. Job is reflecting on the difficulty of finding wisdom and understanding. He's like, "Man, wisdom and understanding are deep, far beyond human knowledge. →

Job 29: Job is still feeling sorry for himself and waxing nostalgic about how good things used to be. He had all the respect, honor, and deference that comes with being wealthy and powerful. He was like a king, surrounded by the people he had helped, and he was a great judge. →

Hey, folks, Job chapter 30: an absolute bummer. Job is still suffering, and he's not too thrilled about it. He's complaining about how his buddies have abandoned him, and he's reminiscing about the days when he had more respect and people actually wanted to help him. →

Job 31: "This guy Job, he really knows how to put it out there. He's like, 'I ain't doin' nothin' wrong, so I gotta be doin' somethin' right' - and he's pretty much spot on. He's like, 'I ain't messin' around with nobody's wife, I'm treatin' everybody fair' - yup, he's livin' the dream. →

Well folks, in Job 32, we got a real wild card. Elihu, a young fella that nobody had heard of till now, has a real bone to pick with Job and the other three guys. He's been listening to them blather on, and he's just like "Nope, none of you know what you're talking about. →

Well, folks, Job 33 is really a doozy. We've got a whole bunch of stuff going on here - Elihu, the son of Barachel the Buzite, is spouting some wisdom about how God communicates with us through dreams and visions. →

Well, Job 34 is an interesting one, folks. Elihu is back, and he's got more to say about the whole Job situation. He's claiming that God is so powerful and wise, that no one can question his judgment. He's suggesting that Job should just accept what has happened to him, because God is just and always has been. →

Hey folks, it's Norm Macdonald here with your Weekend Update. This week, we're talking about Job 35. In this chapter, Elihu is basically like, "Yo, Job, why you so mad? You're acting like you've got it worse than anyone else. →

So, Job chapter 36. You know, if this is your idea of a good read, you should get out more. Anyways, Elihu is still talking. He's like, "Yo, God is righteous and He rewards people based on their conduct" and "He delivers us from distress and suffering" and yada yada yada. →

"Ah, Job! Job 37. What can we say about this one? Well, God's gonna get a lot of love from Job. He's all about how great God is at controlling the weather. You know: thunder, lightning, storms. God's got it all under control! But, y'know, He also does some crazy things that no one can explain. →

Well, Job 38: Well, God's back and He's not happy. He's all like, "Who is this that darkens My counsel with words without knowledge?" Basically, He's calling out Job for talking a big game and not knowing what He's talking about. →

Well, folks, it looks like Job 39 has a lot to say about animals. Apparently, God is the one who gave the wild goat its home, the wild donkey its freedom, and the wild ox its strength. He's also the one who put them all in the wilderness and let them roam. →

Welcome to Job 40, folks! This is where God finally responds to Job's complaints about all the bad stuff that's been happening to him. God basically says, "Oh, you think you've had it tough? Check this out!" He then goes on to describe two of the biggest, baddest beasts in the land, Behemoth and Leviathan. →

"Job 41: Well, God sure had a lot to say about this Leviathan character. He's a big ol' sea monster, you know. He's so big and scary that even God's worried about messing with him. So, in other words, God's like, 'Don't mess with this guy - he's not to be trifled with!' But then again, God's so powerful, I guess even he's scared of this guy. →

"Job 42: Well, Job had a rough time, didn't he? But it looks like things are finally looking up for him. After accepting his suffering, God rewards Job with a new family and twice as much as he had before. →