Alright, so Ezekiel 1: it starts off with the prophet Ezekiel receiving a vision from God. He describes this vision as "a stormy wind coming out of the north, and a great cloud with a fire flashing up, and a brightness around it, and out of the midst of it as the colour of amber. →

Well, folks, it looks like we've got another chapter of Ezekiel- a book that never stops! And this one is no different, as Ezekiel is taken up to heaven on a chariot of wind and commanded to speak to the "rebellious people". →

Well, folks, in Ezekiel 3, things get a little weird. The Lord commands Ezekiel to eat a scroll, which I can only assume was written in hot sauce and mustard. That's right, the Lord wants Ezekiel to eat a scroll. →

Well, folks, Ezekiel 4 is not letting up. Ezekiel is still in exile in Babylon and he's still being asked to do some pretty weird stuff. This time God tells him to draw a picture of Jerusalem being destroyed and then put it on a clay tablet and lay on his side for 390 days. →

Hey, folks, Ezekiel 5. So yeah, the Lord's really mad now, right? He's talkin' to Ezekiel, tellin' him to take a sharp razor and shave his head and beard and then burn a third of the hair and then cut it into three parts and then throw it into the wind. →

Alright, so Ezekiel 6. You know, it's a real rollercoaster of a chapter. Things start off with God telling Ezekiel to prophesize against some mountains, which is really a metaphor for the people of Israel, but it's a little hard to pick up on. →

Ezekiel 7: It's the end of the world as we know it and Ezekiel feels fine! God told Ezekiel that the end of days is nigh, so get out your sackcloth and ashes, folks, because it's time to repent! The Lord's wrath will come in the form of famine and disease, so it's time to start stockpiling your canned goods and Purell! Y'all better get right with God, because the end is near and the Lord is comin' to town! →

"Well, folks, in Ezekiel 8, it's time for the Lord to layeth down some punishment. The Lord brings Ezekiel to a wall in Jerusalem and shows him a vision of a bunch of people worshipping idols and other kinds of abominations. →

Well, it's been a wild ride for Ezekiel, I tell ya what. This week, he's livin' in a vision again, and he sees six men with slaughter weapons, ya know, swords and spears, and they're all wearin' white linen, like they're goin' to a baptism or somethin'. →

Hey, folks, it's your Bible Update. In Ezekiel 10, we see the Lord's glory leaving the temple and taking a chariot ride in the sky. That's right, the Lord's in the sky, and he's not comin' down! But he's not alone! No, the Lord brought a whole entourage of angels with wings and wheels. →

Alright, so Ezekiel 11. Alright, so this chapter starts off with the Lord telling Ezekiel that He's gonna kill off the people in Jerusalem and scatter them around the world. So, of course, they were pretty upset about that, and they were like, "Wait a minute, what about the righteous people?" And God was like, "Oh, don't worry about them, I'm gonna save them. →

Ezekiel 12! This one's a doozy. God tells Ezekiel to pack up his things, like he's about to go on a trip. But he's just gonna wander around for a bit, and everyone's gonna know he's a prophet of the Lord. →

So, Ezekiel 13. It's a real wild one, folks. God's really got it out for the false prophets of Israel. He's saying they're full of hot air and they're full of lies. But that's not all, God says that they've been misleading the people and not telling them the truth. →

Ah, Ezekiel chapter fourteen. Y'know, this is the chapter where the Lord decides to rain down his wrath on the people of Jerusalem. And Ezekiel's all like, "Yes, Lord! Do it!" So the Lord says, "Okay, I'm gonna send some wild animals your way, and they're gonna eat you up!" And the people of Jerusalem are like, "Gah! What did we do wrong?" So the Lord's like, "Oh, you know, you did the usual stuff. →

Well, Ezekiel 15 isn't much to write home about, folks. It starts off by comparing Jerusalem to a worthless piece of wood, and it only gets worse from there. Yahweh is really laying into the city, calling it a "desolate ruin" and "nothing but a brand for the fire. →

Alright, folks. Ezekiel 16. This one starts off with God telling Ezekiel to "take up a lamentation for Jerusalem". What he means by that is, he wants Ezekiel to really lay into Jerusalem for its sins. He's not happy. →

So, Ezekiel 17, eh? Well, here's the scoop: it's about this eagle and this cedar tree. So, the eagle comes and takes a branch of the cedar tree and takes it to a far off land, plants it in a good soil, and, like, waters it, ya know? And then, it's like, suddenly, the branch grows into a big ol' cedar tree and starts producing fruit. →

Hey, folks. Remember Ezekiel? Well, he's back with another chapter of his prophecies, and it's all about how individuals are responsible for their own actions. No more blaming your parents, kiddos - Ezekiel says that each person is accountable for their own deeds. →

Well, Ezekiel 19 is a wild ride. We've got wild animals, a vine, and a bunch of allegories. It starts off with a lament for Israel, comparing it to a lioness who had two cubs that grew up to be strong and powerful. →

Hey folks, Ezekiel 20 is a real wild one. So what happens? Well, God gets mad at the Israelites and starts threatening to punish them. He says if they don't keep their covenant with him he's gonna punish them with fire and blade and all that. →

Okay, folks, let's take a look at Ezekiel 21. Well, this chapter starts off with the Lord telling Ezekiel to prophesy against the Ammonites. But then things get weird, because he tells Ezekiel to take his sword out and do this weird dance with it? Anyway, after that, God then tells Ezekiel to prophesy against Jerusalem, and it's not pretty. →

"Well, it's been quite a week in the Bible, folks. In Ezekiel 22, we've got a lot of talk about Jerusalem being a real mess. People are doing all kinds of bad things, like murder and idol worship, and the Lord is not happy. →

Well, Ezekiel 23 is pretty much the same as all the other chapters: God is mad - real mad - at all the people who have been worshiping other gods and not following His commands. He goes off on a rant about how these people have been unfaithful to Him and all the terrible things He's going to do to them, and then he does them. →

So, Ezekiel 24, what a wild ride! God starts off by basically saying, "Hey, my people, your beloved city is about to be destroyed and you won't even know what hit you!" Then, God gives Ezekiel a sign of the impending doom – a pot, filled with burning coals. →

Well folks, Ezekiel 25 is a real doozy. Apparently, God is mad at a bunch of people called the Ammonites and the Philistines, so He's gonna make them suffer for their sins. He's gonna send a bunch of wild animals to devour them and their lands will be turned into a desert. →

So, Ezekiel 26: We got a real bummer of a chapter here folks. It's all about the Babylonian siege of Tyre, and how it's gonna get really bad for them. I mean, it's gonna be like, total destruction - their walls are gonna be smashed, their towers destroyed, their streets filled with corpses. →

Alright folks, we got a doozy here, Ezekiel 27. It's a real bummer, so get ready for some tears. In this one, we got a detailed metaphor for Tyre, a city in modern-day Lebanon, using a ship as a symbol for their downfall. →

So, Ezekiel 28. Here's the short version: God's mad at this guy named the King of Tyre. He's basically like, "Hey, you think you're so great? Well, I'm God, so you're nothing to me!" He then goes on to list all of the guy's sins and how he's not as great as he thinks he is. →

Good evening. This is Weekend Update with your host, Norm MacDonald. And tonight, we'll be talking about the 29th chapter of the book of Ezekiel. Now, this is the part of the Bible where God is really mad at the Egyptians and he's determined to punish them for their wickedness. →

Well folks, let's talk about Ezekiel 30. This chapter is about the Lord warning Egypt about their impending doom. He's talking about a drought and a plague, and you better believe it's gonna get nasty. The Lord says, "I will make Pathros desolate, and set fire to Zoan, and execute judgments in No. →

Hey, everyone, it's Norm MacDonald here, with a summary of Ezekiel Chapter 31. The chapter starts by talking about Pharaoh and his army. God says Pharaoh is like a big cedar in Lebanon, with lots of branches and leaves that make him look majestic. →

So, Ezekiel 32: The Lord is like, "Hey, Pharaoh, I'm gonna bring some disaster down on you and your kingdom, and it's gonna be so bad that people are gonna be talking about it forever. Then Egypt is gonna become like a desolate wasteland, and all these other countries are gonna be like, 'Wow, Egypt is really messed up!' Also, I'm gonna throw all your evil leaders in the pit of the dead and they're gonna be there forever. →

This chapter of Ezekiel is about the prophet's job of being a watchman. He is supposed to warn the people of Judah of impending doom if they don't repent, and then to tell them when they have repented. Ezekiel gets all up in their faces, telling them that if they don't repent, they're gonna have a bad time. →

Hey, folks. It's me, Norm. I gotta tell ya, this Bible stuff is getting wild. We're back in Ezekiel, and this time the Lord's really ticked off. He's griping about how the shepherds of Israel have been leading His people astray, and how they're not tending to the flock properly. →

Alright, Ezekiel 35: This chapter takes us to the land of Edom, where God tells the prophet Ezekiel to prophesy against the mount Seir. God says Edom will be destroyed for three reasons: their violence against the Israelites, their unending malice, and their pride. →

Ezekiel 36: So God says, "I'm gonna take the Israelites back to their land," and then he does it. He's all like, "Hey, I'm gonna cleanse you, and give you a new heart and a new spirit, and you're gonna live there forever and ever. →

Hey, folks, this is Norm MacDonald here, and I'm back with a look at the latest chapter of the Bible. This time we're on Ezekiel 37, and it's got some wild stuff. We got some dry bones in the valley, a wind that blows through the bones, and some other stuff that's just as wild. →

So folks, it's time to check in with Ezekiel in the Old Testament. In Chapter 38, Ezekiel has a vision of a giant bear with wings, and it's pretty wild. He then has a vision of a horde of nations attacking Israel, led by a guy named Gog. →

Ezekiel 39: The Lord has some real beef with Gog and Magog, so He's gonna have to smite them real hard. He's sayin' He's gonna send fire and brimstone to rain down on Gog, and He's gonna make a big ol' feast with all the flesh of Gog. →

Norm: Hey, it's me, Norm MacDonald, and I'm here to tell you about Ezekiel 40. In this chapter, Ezekiel gets a vision of a temple, which has a gate, a wall, and lots of rooms, described in great detail. →

Well, folks, Ezekiel 41. Let's just say it's a real head-scratcher. We've got Ezekiel measuring rooms in the temple, and describing their dimensions in cubits. He's talking about doorways, porches and chambers. →

So, Ezekiel 42. In this chapter, we get a tour of the temple in Jerusalem. And it's pretty impressive! It's got walls, chambers, and gates. But the best part is that it's all measured out in cubits. Because nothing says 'holy temple' like cubits! And then there's the outer court, which has a whole bunch of chambers and a gate. →

Well folks, it's time for a brief look at Ezekiel 43. This chapter is all about God's return to the temple, and Ezekiel's vision of this glorious event. Y'know, it's like what we'd see in a movie—glorious light and a voice like thunder. →

Well, folks, it looks like Ezekiel 44 is all about who gets to hang out in the temple. Apparently, priests from the line of Zadok get to lead worship in the temple and they get to wear special robes. But don't worry, folks, if you're a priest from the other line of priests, you still get to do some stuff in the temple, just not as much as the priests from the line of Zadok. →

Alright, folks, it's time to talk about Ezekiel 45. This is the chapter where God talks about how awesome and precise his measurements are, which is great if you're into that sort of thing. So, God is basically like, 'When it comes to measurements, make sure you get it right, 'cause I do!' So there's a lot of measurements here, along with instructions on how to divide up the land. →

Hey, folks! Ezekiel 46 is all about regulations for the Prince of Israel. He must provide a daily offering of cereal and unleavened bread and must not enter the gate on the Sabbath. Also, the Prince must not marry a foreign woman and must not give any of his sons to Molech. →

Alright, so in Ezekiel 47, we get an image of water flowing from beneath the sanctuary out into the desert, and getting deeper and deeper until it becomes a river that you can't even cross on foot. But don't worry, it's not a catastrophe: it's a blessing! This water is supposed to be healing and will be a source of life for all kinds of creatures. →

Hey folks, this week we've got a real wild one. We're talking Ezekiel 48, where the city of Jerusalem is divided into sections, with the Lord having a portion of the city. Oh, and there's also a bunch of gates and walls and measurements and stuff. →