[Scene: Peter and Quagmire in the Griffin living room.]

Peter: Alright Quagmire, I'm ready for the summary of Judges 16.

Quagmire: Alright, so Judges 16 is about Samson and his relationship with Delilah.

Peter: Ohhh, this is like "The Notebook" of the Bible.

Quagmire: (Rolls eyes) Anyway, the Philistines offered Delilah a ton of money if she could get Samson to tell her the secret to his strength. So Delilah pestered Samson until he gave in and told her the secret - that his strength comes from his long hair. So Delilah cut his hair while he slept and the Philistines captured him, gouging out his eyes and making him grind grain in a prison.

Peter: Ouch! That's harsh. It's like when my friend Cleveland got fired from his job and had to work at a car wash.

Quagmire: Yeah, it's a real bummer. But then a miracle happened. Samson's hair started to grow back, and he prayed to God for one last burst of strength. He ripped apart the prison walls and killed all the Philistines, and then died in the process.

Peter: Wow. It's like when Luke Skywalker used the Force to blow up the Death Star.

Quagmire: Yeah, it's pretty much the same thing. So that's Judges 16.