LISTEN UP, MAGGOTS! THIS HERE IS 1 KINGS 1! King David is getting old and feeble, and his son Adonijah decides he's gonna be king. But God's already chosen David's other son, Solomon, to be king. So David's like, "Yo, Solomon, you're king now, son. →

Listen up, recruits! This is 1 Kings Chapter 2. King David is old and about to die. He tells Solomon, his son, to obey God's commands, be strong and courageous. He tells him to make sure Joab and Shimei are punished for their wrongdoings. →

Listen up recruits! This here is 1 Kings 3. King Solomon has been given the throne of Israel and he is still young. So he asks God for wisdom, and God is so impressed by his request that he gives him not just wisdom but also riches, honor and long life. →

"Listen up troops! 1 Kings 4 is all about King Solomon and his reign of Israel. He had 12 governors that were over the various tribes in the land and they were responsible for bringing food to Solomon. He was also a very wise man and had many advisers. →

"LISTEN UP, RECRUITS! YOU THINK YOU KNOW THE BIBLE? WELL, YOU DON'T! WE'RE STARTING WITH 1 KINGS 5. SO PAY ATTENTION! KING SOLOMON IS HAVING THE TEMPLE BUILT, SO HE MAKES A DEAL WITH KING HIRAM OF TYRE TO PROVIDE MATERIALS AND WORKERS. →

Alright, listen up! This is 1 Kings 6. It's time to get the lowdown on Solomon, the King of Israel. He's the one who built the Temple in Jerusalem. He gets it done in 7 years. Then, he lines the inside of the Temple with cedar wood. →

Listen up, maggots! This is 1 Kings 7! King Solomon builds a temple to the Lord. He hires this dude named Hiram who is from Tyre to help him out. He's a master craftsman and uses all kinds of gold and silver and bronze and iron and wood and precious stones to finish the job. →

Listen up, recruits! This is the story of 1 Kings 8. King Solomon has just finished building the Temple, and the Ark of the Covenant is moved into it. He sacrifices a ton of animals and brings the Ark of the Covenant into the Most Holy Place. →

"LISTEN UP, RECRUITS! 1 KINGS 9 TELLS US THAT GOD APPEARED TO KING SOLOMON AFTER HE FINISHED BUILDING THE TEMPLE. GOD TELLED SOLOMON HE HAD BEEN WITH HIM AND KEPT HIS PROMISE TO DAVID. GOD PROMISED SOLOMON WISDOM AND RICHES, BUT IF SOLOMON OR HIS SONS WERE UNFAITHFUL THEN GOD WOULD CUT OFF ISRAEL. →

Listen up, maggots! It's time for 1 Kings 10. So, the Queen of Sheba heard about the greatness of Solomon, so she decides to come to Jerusalem and test him with hard questions. Well, Solomon answered them all and impressed her. →

Listen up, soldiers! This is 1 Kings 11. King Solomon was a great king, but he started going off the rails and worshiping foreign gods. He had 700 wives and 300 concubines, and they were a bad influence on him. →

Drop and give me twenty! 1 Kings 12 is all about the division of the kingdom of Israel! King Rehoboam, the son of Solomon, took over the throne after his father. When the people of Israel asked Rehoboam to make their burden light, he refused and made it heavier. →

Listen up, maggots! This is 1 Kings 13. Here's the story: There's a man of God who comes to a place called Bethel and prophesies against the altar there. Then, an old prophet from Bethel comes and tells the man of God not to follow the commands of the people at Bethel and to go home without eating or drinking anything. →

Listen up, maggots! Chapter 14 of 1 Kings is all about Jeroboam's family. He had a son named Abijah who was sick and dying. So Jeroboam's wife went to the prophet Ahijah to see if he could help. Ahijah told her that the boy was gonna croak and the whole family was gonna be screwed. →

Listen up, privates! 1 Kings 15 is a chapter about King Abijah, the son of Rehoboam. He was a wicked king, but God didn't take away his kingdom. Instead, Abijah fought against Jeroboam, but he was defeated and Jeroboam became the king. →

CHAPTER SIXTEEN! This one's about Ahab, who was the king of Israel. And it's about his son, Ahaziah, who succeeds him. Ahab does some bad stuff, so God sends a prophet named Elijah to him to warn him to stop. →

Drop and gimme twenty, ya maggots! You better know your Bible, so pay attention and listen up! In 1 Kings 17, we got Elijah the prophet coming on the scene and telling King Ahab that there's gonna be a drought. →

Listen up ya' maggots! This is 1 Kings 18. It's about a guy named Elijah confronting the king of Israel about false gods. So Elijah tells the king to gather everyone together, and Elijah will show them who the real God is by having a showdown between Elijah's God and the false gods. →

Listen up, grunts! In 1 Kings 19, Elijah is running from Jezebel and has given up on life. He's sitting in a cave, feeling sorry for himself. But then God shows up and gives him a mission. God tells him to anoint Hazael to be king of Aram, Jehu to be king of Israel, and Elisha to be his successor. →

Listen up, you newbies! Chapter 20 of 1 Kings is all about a war between two kings. King Ahab of Israel and King Ben-Hadad of Syria are duking it out! Ben-Hadad sends an army of 32 kings to take over Ahab's land and they make Ahab an offer: surrender or fight. →

Listen up, maggots! 1 Kings 21 starts with Ahab, the King of Israel, wanting to build himself a palace. So guess what he does? He takes a vineyard that belongs to a guy named Naboth. He offers to buy it, but Naboth says no way - it's his family's inheritance, so he ain't sellin'. →

Listen up you maggots! This is 1 Kings 22! Ahaziah, the king of Judah, was killed by Jehu. He was punished for the sins of his father, Ahab. Ahab's son, Jehoshaphat, became king and made a treaty with Ahab's son Ahaziah, King of Israel. →