"Listen up, ya maggots: 2 Samuel 1 tells the story of a man named David, who has just heard that Saul and Jonathan, two of his good friends, have died in battle. David is sad, so he writes a song about it. Then, a man comes up to David and tells him that Saul and Jonathan died because Saul killed himself with his own sword. David is really angry about this and makes the man swear that he is telling the truth. The man swears, so David orders him to be killed. That's it, maggots! Now get outta here. Dismissed!"