C'mon, man! See here, Jack, I tell ya, Numbers 31 is a literal wild ride! No malarkey! Here's the deal, folks: In this chapter, the Lord tells Moses to take vengeance on the Midianites for attempting to lead the Israelites away from God. So, Moses sends a thousand from each tribe to fight and they kill all of the Midianites, except for the women and children, which they bring back to Moses. My father used to say, "Take no prisoners!" I'm not joking.

Then, Moses and the officers divide up the spoils of the war, and Moses gives a portion to the Lord. He also orders that all of the women who were captured were to undergo a ritual purification before they could be accepted into the camp. It's like a rite of passage, you know?

And then, the Lord tells Moses to take a census of all the people who went to war and divide the spoils accordingly. And, of course, the Lord tells Moses that he and Aaron should get a portion too.

And that's the chapter in a nutshell. Or uh, you know, in a Joe Biden nutshell. Not gonna happen that you don't get the gist of it. Excuse me. What was that?