Scene: Peter and Stewie are discussing 1 Samuel 5

Peter: So, 1 Samuel 5 is all about how the Philistines capture the Ark of the Covenant and bring it to their city of Ashdod.

Stewie: Yeah, and then, uh, the Philistines put the Ark in the house of the god Dagon, and the next morning the statue of Dagon was lying face-down on the ground in front of the Ark!

Peter: That's right! And then the Philistines moved the Ark to other cities, but everywhere they went, the same thing happened - God was punishing them for having the Ark.

Stewie: It's like the movie Raiders of the Lost Ark, except the Ark was already lost.

Peter: Yeah, and then eventually the Philistines sent the Ark back to the Israelites with a bunch of gold and silver as an offering.

Stewie: Like, if someone stole my teddy bear, I'd be like "here, have some gold and silver and don't ever come near me again!"