"Listen up, you maggots! Chapter 5 of 1 Samuel is all about the ark of the Lord. The Philistines captured the ark, so they set it up in the temple of their god Dagon. But the next morning, Dagon was lying on the floor, so they set him back up. Then the next morning, Dagon was lying flat on the floor AGAIN! Plus, rats and tumors were appearing all over the city! So the Philistines sent the ark back to Israel and the tumors and rats vanished. The end. Got it?!"