Peter: Alright everyone, let's start off with 1 Samuel 31. So, uhhh, it starts off with this guy, Saul, and he's getting defeated in battle by the Philistines.

Lois: Oh no! He's gonna have to call the Avengers for help!

Joe: Actually, Lois, he doesn't call anyone. He's so devastated by the loss that he decides to take his own life.

Quagmire: Wow, that's pretty dark. I'm going to have to make a joke here to lighten the mood... It's like when I was trying to find a date on Tinder and no one would swipe right.

Brian: Wow, Quagmire, that was a real non sequitur.

Peter: Anyway, Saul's armor-bearer is with him, and he's so loyal that he decides to take his own life too.

Stewie: Geez, that's so sad. It's like when I was trying to find a date for the prom and no one would go with me.

Cleveland: Wow, Stewie, that was also a real non sequitur.

Lois: Anyway, after Saul and his armor-bearer's deaths, the Philistines cut off their heads, and then the bodies are hung up on the wall of the city.

Peter: Wow, that's pretty gruesome. It's like when I tried to make a souffle and it just came out like a lump of coal.

Joe: Alright, Peter, we get it.

Brian: Yeah, I think we all need to focus on the main point here. Saul's death marks the end of the Israelite monarchy and the beginning of the period of the judges.

Peter: And that's the end of 1 Samuel 31!