1. [To the chief Musician, A Psalm of David.] Deliver me, O LORD, from the evil man: preserve me from the violent man; {violent...: Heb. man of violences} / 2. Which imagine mischiefs in {their} heart; continually are they gathered together {for} war. →

Psalms 140: Norm MacDonald here with a summary of this classic Bible chapter. It's a real bummer, because it's all about people asking God to protect them from enemies. Everyone knows God is busy with important stuff like creating the world and helping the Hawks win the Stanley Cup, so it's kind of a long shot that He's got time to get involved in all these petty feuds. →

Joe: Alright, so we've got the Bible expert here to talk about Psalms 140. Let's get into it. Bible Expert: Sure. The psalm begins with the psalmist praying for deliverance from wicked and violent people. →

Alex Trebek: Alright, let's hear about you! What do you do for a living? Contestant: I'm actually in seminary school, studying the Bible. Alex Trebek: [Rolls his eyes] Alright, let's leave the Bible out of it. →

"Listen up, you maggots! This is Psalms 140. It's about a guy who's cryin' out to the Lord for rescue from his enemies. He calls on the Lord to keep him safe from the evil and deceitful. He prays for protection from the wicked, and for God to keep his mouth shut and not let him say anything foolish. →

Batman: Holy Troubling Tunes, Robin! It looks like we've come across a dire situation! Robin: What is it, Batman? Batman: It's Psalms 140! It looks like the Lord is asking us to rescue His people from the wicked who are plotting evil things in their hearts! →

Folks, I tell you what, I'm not joking: this chapter of the Bible is some powerful stuff! See here, Jack: my father used to say that the wicked have sharpened their tongues like swords, and aimed their words like arrows. →

Trump-style Summary of Psalms 140 Bigly Lord, save me from the wicked! The evil ones have set a trap for me to fall into - they have dug a deep hole for me to get stuck in. But, I am confident that you will protect me from the haters and losers. →

Peter: Alright, so Psalms 140. Here we go. Lois: Ugh, I'm already bored. Brian: Yeah, can we just skip to the part where Stewie makes a clever pun? Stewie: I resent that! Lois: We're all just trying to make it through, Stewie. →