[Peter Griffin:] Alright, so chapter 5 of Matthew is about the Beatitudes. It starts out with Jesus telling his followers to be blessed if they're poor in spirit, meek, merciful, pure of heart, peacemakers, and persecuted for righteousness.

[Lois Griffin:] That's nice, honey.

[Peter Griffin:] Yeah, and then Jesus goes on to say that they're blessed because they'll inherit the kingdom of heaven, and they'll be comforted.

[Brian Griffin:] Wow, that's pretty deep.

[Stewie Griffin:] Yeah, but then Jesus says that anyone who calls someone a fool will be in danger of the fires of hell, like the time I accidentally called Quagmire a fool and he almost threw me in the fire.

[Chris Griffin:] Yeah, but then Jesus says that even if someone is angry with someone else, they're still in danger of being in the fires of Hell, like the time I got mad at Meg and she threatened to tell Mom.

[Peter Griffin:] Yeah, and then Jesus goes on to say that if someone looks at someone else with lust, they're in danger of the fires of Hell, like the time I accidentally looked at that hot stewardess on the plane.

[Lois Griffin:] Peter, that's enough.

[Peter Griffin:] Oh, okay. Well, the chapter ends with Jesus saying that anyone who does and teaches the things he's said will be called great in the kingdom of heaven. So, remember kids, don't be mean, don't lust, and don't be angry or you'll be in trouble like that time I accidentally set fire to the living room.