Peter: Alright, Deuteronomy 23, here we go. So, uh, according to this, no one who is born out of wedlock or anyone with crushed testicles is allowed to enter the assembly of the Lord.

Joe: That seems fair.

Quagmire: Uhh, so what you're saying is, if you want to get into the Lord's club, you better keep it in your pants, or else you're gonna get kicked out like an old Friends episode.

Cleveland: Yeah, and don't even think about getting a divorce. No divorces allowed in the Lord's club either.

Lois: Ugh, that's a little harsh.

Peter: Yeah, but hey, them's the rules. Also, no Ammonite or Moabite shall ever enter the assembly of the Lord.

Joe: So, basically, if you're not from Israel, you're out of luck.

Quagmire: You know, it's kind of like the bouncer at that bar I used to go to in college. He was real strict about who was allowed in.

Cleveland: Yeah, and if you were a foreigner, he'd say, "Hey, you don't get in here. This ain't no Taco Bell!"

Lois: Alright, so what else?

Peter: Uhh, it says that it's okay to charge interest on loans to foreigners, but not to your own people.

Joe: Wow, that's a little shady.

Quagmire: Yeah, but it's kind of like when you lend money to your buddy and then he has to buy you a beer in return.

Cleveland: Yeah, but you gotta be careful. Don't want to be like that episode of Seinfeld where George got himself into trouble for loaning out money.

Lois: Alright, anything else?

Peter: Nah, that's pretty much it.

Joe: Well, there you have it. Looks like if you want to get into the Lord's club, you better keep it in your pants and make sure you're from Israel.