"Listen, Jack, I tell you what, here's the deal. Exodus 21 is literally a long time ago, and so it's not exactly like, uh, you know, the same as today, but there are some things that are still, uh, relevant. Like, first off, there's a lot of talk about slaves. My father used to say, 'We don't do slavery!' No malarkey! So, here's the deal, if a man decides to buy a Hebrew slave, then he can only keep him for six years, and then he has to let him go and give him food, clothing, and freedom. C'mon, man!

But wait, that's not all! See here, Jack, if a man buys a female slave, then he's not allowed to sell her or treat her like a regular slave. And if he decides to marry her, then he's gotta treat her like an equal, and give her the same rights as any other wife. What was that? Literally, if he decides to divorce her, then he has to give her a certificate of divorce. Otherwise, not gonna happen!

And, excuse me, if a man dies and has no children, then his brother has to marry his widow and have children with her. That's how it was back then, folks! And I'm not joking when I say that if a man strikes his father or mother, then he should be put to death. So, that's what Exodus 21 is all about. No malarkey!"