Peter: Alright, so 1 Kings 19. So, like, there's this dude, Elijah, and he's all depressed and stuff, and he's like, "God, like, why don't you just take my life?" and God's like, "Nah, dude, chill." Then there's this big wind, and an earthquake, and a fire and all that stuff, but God's not in any of those, he's in the sound of a gentle whisper. So Elijah's like "Oh, I get it, God speaks in whispers and not in earthquakes and stuff." So, then he hears God say, "Go anoint Hazael king over Syria and Jehu king over Israel and Elisha to succeed you as prophet!" And Elijah's like, “You got it, God!” And then he goes and anoints them, and then -

Lois: Wait, so God speaks in whispers? That’s like, totally not as cool as when I found out Darth Vader was Luke’s dad.

Peter: Yeah, I know, but it’s still pretty cool. So then Elijah goes to anoint Elisha, and Elisha leaves his plowing and his oxen and follows Elijah and then Elijah throws his cloak on him and, like, there you go, he’s the new prophet. So then the two of them go back to Gilgal and Elijah’s like, “Hey, God told me to anoint Hazael and Jehu, so I’m gonna go do that. Oh, and also, Elisha’s gonna take my place as prophet.” And then God’s like, “Cool, sounds good!”

Stewie: So, does the chapter end with an epic battle sequence like in the Lord of the Rings?

Peter: No, Stewie, there’s no battle sequence. It just ends with Elijah going off to anoint Hazael and Jehu and Elisha as prophet.

Stewie: That’s lame. I mean, what kind of Bible chapter ends without a battle? It’s like that episode of Spongebob where he just goes to the Krusty Krab and gets a job, and there’s no climax or anything.