Listen, Jack, this chapter of the Bible is a real doozy, c'mon man! The Israelites and the Philistines were at war, and my father used to say that you can judge a man by the size of his enemy, am I right? Well, the Philistine champion was Goliath and let me tell ya, he was HUGE, literally. He wore a bronze helmet and a coat of mail and he had a javelin like a weaver's beam, you know, like from the olden days. He was over nine feet tall, no malarkey!

The Israelites were afraid of Goliath and none of them wanted to fight him, including King Saul and his army. That's when young David stepped up and said he'd take him on. And see here, Jack, David wasn't even in the army, he was a shepherd, and he was just a kid! So, Saul tells David he can't fight Goliath, but David tells him that he's fought lions and bears and he can definitely fight this guy. Saul gives David his armor and that didn't work out so well because David was too small. So, he took his shepherd's staff, five smooth stones, and a slingshot and went to do battle.

Goliath comes out and he's pretty sure he's gonna win, but David has other plans. He runs up to Goliath, takes one of the stones, and slings it at him. It hits him in the forehead and Goliath falls down dead. The Philistines run away and the Israelites win the battle! David is a hero and he goes on to become King of Israel, I'm not joking. So, folks, that's the story of 1 Samuel 17, and I tell you what, it's a real humdinger!