Listen, Jack, here's the deal. No malarkey! Saul, he was the first king of Israel, and he was a real tough cookie. So he had his troops march up to the town of Jabesh-gilead, and the folks there were like, "C'mon, man! Leave us alone!" But Saul? He was like, "Oh no, no, no. No way. Not gonna happen." So he gets his army ready to fight, and then -- get this -- he sends out a message to the folks of Jabesh-gilead saying, "Hey, give me your stuff or else!" And they were like, "Uh, excuse me? What was that?" But Saul, he just kept going. He was like, "You got one day to decide. Or else!" So the folks of Jabesh-gilead, they got together and said, "Wait a minute. We gotta talk about this." And in the end, they decided to just give Saul what he wanted.

But then Saul was like, "Wait a minute. I'm not done yet. We're gonna have to have a battle anyway!" And the folks of Jabesh-gilead were like, "Uh, what? That's crazy!" But Saul, he was like, "Yup. That's the way it goes. So get ready to fight!" And the people of Jabesh-gilead, they were like, "Oh man, this is bad news."

But then, out of nowhere, this dude named Nahash shows up and he's like, "Hey, wait a minute. Don't fight! I'm gonna be your friend!" And the people of Jabesh-gilead, they were like, "What? Oh, thank goodness!" And Saul, he was like, "Wait a minute. What's going on here?" But Nahash, he was like, "My father used to say, 'If you wanna be a real friend, you gotta help out your friends in times of need.' So I'm gonna help you out."

And then Saul, he got mad. He was like, "No way! This is not gonna happen! I'm gonna fight! I'm gonna fight!" And Nahash was like, "Whoa, calm down. No need to fight. Let's be friends." And Saul, he was like, "I tell you what. We'll fight if we have to, but let's try to be friends first."

So in the end, Nahash and Saul became friends and the people of Jabesh-gilead were saved from having to fight. And Saul, he was really happy about it. My father used to say, "A true friend is worth more than gold." And I'm not joking, folks! That's the way it is. Literally.