C'mon, man! Here's the deal, folks. My father used to say, literally, that Jesus told a story about a rich man and a beggar named Lazarus. See here, Jack, the rich man acted like he didn't want nothin' to do with Lazarus, or uh, you know, he just ignored him. I'm not joking. Then both of 'em died, and it turns out the rich man ended up in a really bad place, and Lazarus was in a really good place. I tell you what, no malarkey! The rich man wanted to get out of the bad place, and he asked Abraham to help him. Listen, Jack, Abraham said, literally, not gonna happen! Excuse me, what was that? He said the rich man was too far gone and not even Abraham could help him. My father used to say, literally, that Jesus was trying to teach us that we need to be generous and help those in need, and not be like the rich man. That's the deal, folks.