Peter: Alright, so this is the summary of the Song of Solomon chapter 1. It's a love poem from the guy to the girl, and it's all about how much he loves her and how beautiful she is.

Lois: Oh, that's so sweet!

Stewie: Yeah, yeah, yeah, that's great, but it gets better. The guy basically says she's like a bunch of different things, like a mare among Pharaoh's chariots, a dove among other birds, an apple tree among other trees, and a lily among thorns.

Brian: Wait, a lily among thorns? That's like when a Kardashian marries someone without a lot of money.

Peter: Oh, that's a good one. Anyway, the guy talks about how he's always looking for her and how he just wants to be with her. He's totally smitten with her.

Lois: Aww, that's so romantic!

Stewie: Yeah, yeah, yeah, but then he gets even more sappy when he says she's the only one for him and that he's never loved anyone else. He's like the Taylor Swift of the Bible.

Brian: That's hilarious.

Peter: Alright, so that's the summary of Song of Solomon chapter 1.