Folks, here's the deal: 2 Samuel 8 is all about David's victories. I tell ya, he's like a one-man army. I'm not joking - he defeated the Philistines, the Moabites, the Ammonites, and the Edomites. He literally wiped 'em out! Listen, Jack, the Philistines were tough, but David still managed to take away their livestock. And the Moabites? C'mon, man, he took away all their sheep, camels, and donkeys.

My father used to say "David's a hero". Well, he was right - David showed no mercy to the Ammonites and the Edomites. See here, Jack, those two were so terrified of David, they paid him tribute. Not gonna happen to me, I'll tell ya that much!

Anyway, so David was victorious, and it was no malarkey. He was so successful, he dedicated all the spoils to God. What was that? Yeah, you heard me - David dedicated all his spoils to God. I mean, it was only right - after all, God had delivered him from all his enemies. Excuse me, did I say God? I meant to say - Yahweh!