1. And after this it came to pass, that David smote the Philistines, and subdued them: and David took Methegammah out of the hand of the Philistines. {Methegammah: or, the bridle of Ammah} / 2. And he smote Moab, and measured them with a line, casting them down to the ground; even with two lines measured he to put to death, and with one full line to keep alive. →

So, in 2 Samuel 8: David is really flexin' his king muscles and doing what kings do best - making other kings pay. He goes to war with two of them and ends up winning big time. He takes all their stuff and adds it to his own, giving Israel a big boost. →

Joe: Alright so what do you have to tell me about 2 Samuel 8? Bible Expert: Well Joe, I'm glad you asked. 2 Samuel 8 is all about King David and his military prowess. In the chapter, King David defeats many enemies and extends his kingdom. →

Alex Trebek: "Well, tell us a bit about yourself, what do you do for a living?" Contestant: "Well, I'm an avid Bible student and I've been studying 2 Samuel 8 recently." Alex Trebek (clearly frustrated): "Okay, so what's 2 Samuel 8 about then?" →

Atten-tion! Listen up, maggots! This is Chapter 8 of 2 Samuel. King David conquers his enemies and strengthens his kingdom. He defeats the Philistines and captures many of their cities. He defeats the Moabites and Edomites, and wins back the land that belonged to Israel. →

Batman: Robin! It looks like King David has just conquered the Philistines and Moabites! Robin: Holy victories, Batman! Catwoman: You mean he conquered them in the name of the Lord! Riddler: That's right! And he also defeated Hadadezer, the king of Zobah, and recovered all of his stolen gold and silver. →

Folks, here's the deal: 2 Samuel 8 is all about David's victories. I tell ya, he's like a one-man army. I'm not joking - he defeated the Philistines, the Moabites, the Ammonites, and the Edomites. He literally wiped 'em out! Listen, Jack, the Philistines were tough, but David still managed to take away their livestock. →

In 2 Samuel 8, we see the bigly amazing accomplishments of King David, one of the greatest kings America has ever known. David won great victories over the Philistines, Moabites, Edomites, Arameans, and Ammonites, and he was so terrific that the haters and losers were scared to even challenge him. →

Peter: Alright, so in 2 Samuel 8, we've got David defeating the Philistines and the Moabites. Lois: Wow, that's super impressive! Stewie: Yeah, David's a real superhero. Except without the spandex and the awesome theme song. →