• King James Version

    1. And it came to pass, after the year was expired, at the time when kings go forth {to battle}, that David sent Joab, and his servants with him, and all Israel; and they destroyed the children of Ammon, and besieged Rabbah.

  • Norm

    Well, folks, it's been another wild week in the Bible! This time, in 2 Samuel 11, we have a real doozy. This chapter starts off with David, King of Israel, taking a break from his royal duties. Instead of sitting on his throne, he's wandering around on his roof, and you can guess what happens next.

  • Joe Rogan Experience

    Joe: Alright, so let's dig into this 2 Samuel 11. What's the gist? Bible Expert: Well, Joe, it's all about King David's terrible sin. Joe: What kind of sin? Bible Expert: Well, it's a pretty nasty one.

  • Jeopardy

    Alex Trebek: So, contestant, tell me a little bit about yourself. Contestant: Well, Alex, I'd like to talk about the Bible. Specifically, I'd like to summarize the story of 2 Samuel 11. Alex Trebek: (Sighs) Alright, if you insist.

  • Drill Sergeant

    ATTENTION! Listen up! 2 Samuel 11 is all 'bout King David messin' up. He sees a beautiful woman named Bathsheba, and instead of turning away, he has her brought to him, and they sleep together. Bathsheba gets pregnant and David tries to cover his tracks by having her husband, Uriah, sent to the front lines of the battle, where he dies.

  • Batman

    Robin: Holy Scripture, Batman! What does 2 Samuel 11 say? Batman: It’s a sad tale, Robin. The chapter starts off with King David staying in Jerusalem instead of going out to fight with his troops. Catwoman: How very un-regal of him!

  • Joe Biden

    Folks, listen up! Here's the deal. My father used to say that when you're a leader, you need to make tough decisions, no malarkey. But the thing is, sometimes those decisions can get you into some uh, trouble.

  • Donald Trump

    King David was a huge success in many areas, and he was winning BIGLY! He was so successful, in fact, that he had a lot of free time on his hands. So, one day he decided to take in the view from his palace rooftop, only to spot a fine woman named Bathsheba.

  • Family Guy

    Peter: Alright, so 2 Samuel 11 is all about King David, right? He's chillin' at home when he notices this hot babe taking a bath. Lois: Uh, Peter, that's not really the focus of this chapter. Peter: Eh, close enough.