1. Now there was long war between the house of Saul and the house of David: but David waxed stronger and stronger, and the house of Saul waxed weaker and weaker. / 2. And unto David were sons born in Hebron: and his firstborn was Amnon, of Ahinoam the Jezreelitess; →

Hey folks, it's me, Norm MacDonald here, and I'm here to give you all the lowdown on the latest episode of the Bible. In this week's installment, 2 Samuel 3, we've got a real doozy of a story. So buckle up, cause this one's a wild ride! So here's what's going happened: basically, there's a whole lot of internal drama between the house of Saul and the house of David. →

Joe: Alright, so tell us about 2 Samuel 3! Bible Expert: Well, 2 Samuel 3 is a chapter in the Old Testament that tells the story of the long-term conflict between the house of Saul and the house of David. →

Alex Trebek: So, tell us a little bit about yourself. Contestant: Well, I was recently reading the Bible, and I wanted to give you a summary of 2 Samuel 3. Alex Trebek: [sighs] Well, if you must. Contestant: Basically the chapter starts off with a long war between the house of Saul and the house of David. →

Listen up, recruits! 2 Samuel 3 is all about war. King David has two sons, Amnon and Absalom, and it starts with Amnon raping his half-sister Tamar. Then Absalom plots revenge and kills Amnon, so he has to flee the kingdom. →

Batman: Robin, it appears that 2 Samuel 3 is a chapter filled with many wars and battles! David's dynastic ambitions were not easily achieved. Robin: You're right, Batman! There was a long-standing feud between David's house and the house of Saul. →

Folks, here's the deal: I'm talking about the chapter in 2 Samuel that tells the story of Abner and Ish-bosheth. My father used to say, "Abner was a man of valor and honor." Well, Abner had a conflict with Ish-bosheth, who was Saul's son, over the throne. →

David had many wives, and one of them, Abigail, was the mother of Chileab. David had many sons, but he loved Chileab the most. One day, David's son, Amnon, raped his half-sister, Tamar. This was a huge travesty, and David was very sad! Later, Amnon's half-brother, Absalom, killed him as revenge. →

Peter (as King David): So, everyone, it has been a while since we last met. What has been going on in 2 Samuel 3? Lois (as Abner): Well, Peter, Abner has been really busy. He's been trying to make Ish-bosheth, the son of Saul, king over Israel. →