1. And again the anger of the LORD was kindled against Israel, and he moved David against them to say, Go, number Israel and Judah. / 2. For the king said to Joab the captain of the host, which {was} with him, Go now through all the tribes of Israel, from Dan even to Beersheba, and number ye the people, that I may know the number of the people. →

"Good evening, I'm Norm MacDonald with the Bible Update. In 2 Samuel 24, David has an urge to count the people of Israel, which God is not pleased with. So God sends a plague on the land, killing 70,000 people. →

Joe: Welcome to the show Bible Expert! Let's dive into 2 Samuel 24. Bible Expert: Sure, Joe. So this chapter begins with God being angry with Israel and sending a plague to punish them. Joe (interrupting): Whoa wait, why was God so mad? →

Alex: "So, what have you been up to lately?" Contestant: "Well, I've been studying the Bible and I recently read 2 Samuel 24." Alex: [Sighs] "Oh, great. What does this chapter have to do with anything?" →

Listen up, maggots! 2 Samuel 24 starts with a big problem: God gets really mad at Israel and sends a plague against them. So King David decides to take a census of all the people in Israel, which is a big no-no in God's eyes. →

Batman: Holy bookworms, Robin! It looks like King David has made a big mistake in this chapter. Robin: You're right, Batman. He took a census of everyone in Israel, which was against God's orders! Joker: Of course it was against his orders, you dimwitted do-gooders! →

Folks, here's the deal. No malarkey - no matter how you look at it, this chapter of the Bible is a real doozy. It all starts with King David taking a census of the people of Israel. Now, I'm not joking, my father used to say, "You count your blessings, but don't count your people!" See here, Jack - David didn't listen, and he was told by God that he was gonna pay for it. →

2 Samuel 24: King David made a bigly mistake. He took a census of the people of Israel and Judah, and God was not happy. As punishment, God sent a plague to the land. Many such cases! But God was merciful, and he stopped the plague after 70,000 people died. →

Peter: Alright, so 2 Samuel 24. Brian: Yeah, so David got a census of the people of Israel and Judah and God was not happy. He punished David and the people by sending a plague. Lois: But then David asked God to stop the plague and God made a bargain with him. →