Lois: "Well, according to Philemon 1, the apostle Paul is writing a letter to Philemon, a Christian leader in Colossae, to remind him of his Christian duty to forgive and accept a runaway slave named Onesimus.

Peter: "Oh yeah, Onesimus, like that dude in the Old Testament who took the Ark of the Covenant and ran away? That's like something out of Raiders of the Lost Ark!"

Brian: "No, Peter, that was Indiana Jones. Onesimus is named for the Greek word for "useful".

Lois: "Anyway, Paul is asking Philemon to receive Onesimus back not as a slave, but as a beloved brother in Christ. He also encourages Philemon to forgive whatever debt Onesimus owes him.

Stewie: "That's pretty nice of Paul. He's like a Christian Oprah, 'You get a debt forgiven, you get a debt forgiven!'"

Cleveland: "Yeah, Paul is like the ultimate best friend. He's like if Dr. Phil and Snoop Dogg had a baby!"

Lois: "Indeed. Paul ends the letter by sending greetings from himself and his companions, and wishing Philemon grace and peace.

Meg: "Sounds like Paul has got it all figured out. He's like the Jesus of the Bible!"